Forum
FORUM No Drugs, No Slaps Rabbi David Golinkin's April 1991 responsum regarding home or institutional care for elderly parents states: "If, however, the parent has deteriorated to such an extent...
...Moving into a nursing home involves adjustment by both the elderly parent and the adult children...
...Friends in the State Department Calling Daniel Kurtzer, deputy assistant secretary of state, and his Jewish colleagues in the foreign service Jewish Arabists ("Jewish Arabists at the State Department," April 1991) is inaccurate, insulting and tantamount to spitting in the eye of your friend...
...Would she prefer that they fall out of bed and hurt themselves...
...Lucy Y. Steinitz and Gail Lipsitz Jewish Family Services Baltimore, Maryland 4 For more information, write Stars of David, c/o Fried, P.O...
...Singer assumes, and when it does, it is rarely based on such facile desires as whether the children go to Princeton or a state college or whether the family vacations in Jerusalem or Washington, D.C...
...This attitude—unenlightened and unsophisticated—is not one that belongs to the head of the law committee of any assembly or even to a member of such a committee...
...They look at their own emotional needs that were not met because their parents were stretched too thin...
...The Jewish community needs to do more to encourage Jewish families to adopt and to help them cope with conversion, questions of identity and other issues unique to Jewish adoptive families throughout the life cycle...
...But he also speaks Hebrew and has served as a political officer in Tel Aviv...
...Indeed, there are places like this...
...Adoption is also an option for the single parent who wishes to have a family, as well as for couples choosing not to have biological children for ideological reasons...
...Their architecture, usually with few or no steps to negotiate, reflects a singular concern for these individuals...
...Unfortunately, there are also people who will believe the worst about the best nursing home, even if it were the Taj Mahal...
...It is unfortunate that many people regard skilled-nursing facilities as virtual human warehouses, places where old people wait to die...
...Some elderly parents need to be strapped to their chair or bed in order to prevent them from falling off and breaking their bones...
...Outrageous statements like those made in the ad, however, smack of hate literature...
...I, for one, would certainly think that the mashiach [messiah] had arrived if Orthodox Judaism one day became a partner in a pluralistic Judaism, and I indeed hope for that time...
...We have found much love in our lives...
...Publicly espousing views such as this will only serve to legitimate such behavior in the minds of those persons who perpetrate such abuse and indignities upon those most vulnerable members of our society...
...I would go one step further: Any such agreement should include a binding and enforceable commitment on Israel's part to become a constitutional democracy and thereby eliminate the tyranny of the religious minority over the secular majority...
...Each has his or her own adjustment to make...
...To be sure, moving into a new home and a new community is stressful on any individual who is cognitive of change, no matter what his or her age...
...They believe, wrote Yedi'ot Achranot, "that the security dangers for Israel emanating from holding on to the territories and from ruling over the inhabitants far outweigh the security • dangers that Israel would be taking by giving them up...
...And even casual fans can spot the error in the photo caption describing the famous refusal of Los Angeles Dodger Sandy Koufax to pitch on Yom Kippur in the 1965 World Series...
...Although I, too, am concerned about Jewish numbers, I was appalled by her assumptions, accusations and omissions...
...They will monitor the resident's physical and FORUM psychological well-being and devise specific goals for the resident in order to help him or her research whatever potential he or she is capable of reaching...
...Eric Rozenman appears to believe that this would harm Israel's security...
...As a full-time rabbi and chaplain in a skilled-nursing facility for the Jewish elderly, I certainly believe that it is preferable to keep a physically ill FORUM and/or cognitively deficient (the term "senile" is seldom used these days) elderly parent in his or her own home for as long as possible, particularly if the parent can attend community daycare programs...
...Those who invented the modern Hebrew word for adoption, 'ametz, meaning "strengthen," understood this because they took the word from the image in Psalm 80:15-16 of a stem transplanted and made strong...
...Elsewhere in the magazine, the title rabbi is given to others without labeling which movement of Judaism they represent...
...Prior to that I spent more than 14 years working in community mental health in a variety of settings, where I saw even more...
...I have no idea who publishes such a journal, but the ad suggests an intention to ridicule and defame Orthodoxy...
...We can only try to make the best of an extremely difficult and trying situation...
...Rich Kirschen Forward New York, New York...
...Adoption offers a special way to build a Jewish family...
...Missing from the list of reasons Singer gives for the diminishing size of Jewish families is a major one: infertility...
...Famous Israeli generals, such as Aharon Yariv, Meir Amit, Shlomo Gazit and Ephraim Sneh and, according to Yedi'ot Achranot, three-fourths of the Israeli general staff, strongly disagree...
...Instead of only one person watching the individual for eight or more hours at a time, as is the case with home care, skilled facilities have trained staff on hand around the clock...
...Would that it were so, as the great Yogi Berra might have said...
...The number of children a woman bears often does not involve choice at all, as Ms...
...In the April 1991 issue columnist Rachel Cowan's title is given as Reform rabbi...
...Lasdy, I must deal with those who cannot have children...
...Does anyone want to see their parent in an advanced state of mental deterioration...
...Developing a career is no longer the luxury it was a generation ago...
...Rather, these decisions are based on hard social, economic, psychological and physical realities...
...As the Talmud says, "You could look it up...
...They look at the broken dreams of their parents, buried because of more pressing family needs...
...Hillel Halkin's dream of democracy in Palestinian Arab society is understandable...
...To these couples, constant reminders of the value of Jewish children, as epitomized by the commandment "Be fruitful and multiply," are extremely painful...
...Although we are infertile we have found other ways of contributing dor I'dor [generation to generation] . We work with synagogue youth groups...
...Jesse Zel Lurie Delray Beach, Florida Making Jewish Babies By Adoption In her Perspective, "Making Jewish Babies—A Private Decision Only...
...Here are some quotations from the March 1991 issue by two real Arabists: David Nes, a retired foreign service officer, writes: "Desert Storm must be seen as the latest and most far-reaching military effort to guarantee the future security and survival of Israel...
...The pro-PLO candidates received massive support despite the fact that the PLO has consistendy behaved in the most undemocratic manner imaginable, murdering its critics and embracing every despot from Idi Amin to Saddam Hussein...
...With funds from their Arab friends they publish a slick-paper, 96-page magazine called The Washington Report on Middle East Affairs...
...Furthermore, my maternal grandfather, Isaac E. Feinstein (of blessed memory), was a pioneer in the field of geriatrics and of modern, decent, appropriate nursing homes...
...moment is an open forum for the expression of ideas, even those we disagree with, and this forum includes our advertisers.—Ed...
...It is not easy to be the end of the line...
...Attitudes that believe nursing facilities should care for residents, affirm their dignity no matter what and challenge them to maintain it whenever possible help to better foster the mitzvah [commandment] of honoring one's parents...
...His belief that such a dream can be realized, however, flies in the face of available evidence...
...So why not call him a Hebraist...
...Moseson's letter, it contains three substantive points: The first is that slapping or drugging parents or tying them to a bed constitutes "elder abuse...
...Thus I began my responsum with a statement of fact...
...Nursing Facilities Are Not Human Warehouses I must comment on Rabbi David Golinkin's responsum to the questions of home care or institutional care for elderly parents (April 1991...
...We teach...
...Jews, too, are among the growing number of men who neglect to pay child support...
...So from childhood, I have been exposed to the proper way for our elderly to be treated with all the dignity, respect and love they deserve...
...Actually, there is good reason to believe that the average Palestinian Arab would desire such an arrangement...
...Sharon Moseson Ossining, New York David Golinkin Replies: If one ignores the nasty tone of Ms...
...Those who seemed to deviate from the PLO line were defeated...
...People who move into nursing homes have not lost their value as human beings...
...The competing team was the Minnesota Twins, not the Chicago Cubs, who have not been in the series since 1945 and have not won since 1908...
...Rabbi Cary D. Kozberg Wexner Heritage House Columbus, Ohio David Golinkin declined to respond.—Ed...
...The ideas in this ad are not so offensive that we would deny the advertiser the opportunity to express its views in the pages of moment...
...Gary Wolf Committee for Accuracy in Middle East Reporting in America Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Rabbi's Choice I enjoy your publication a great deal...
...April 1991), Suzanne F. Singer raises the urgent need to confront the implications of the declining Jewish birthFORUM rate for the future of our people...
...But there are also places that are more caring and more responsible...
...How much can a woman work and still have some energy for her children...
...If my memory serves me correctly, the Dodgers played the Minnesota Twins in 1965...
...Rabbi Leslie J. Alexander North Hollywood, California The alternative to accepting this ad was rejecting it, a censorious decision we make only in extreme cases...
...I hope that when Rabbi Golinkin "deteriorates" to the point that he needs assistance in caring for himself that he will be cared for by someone who does not follow his teachings, as stated in this article...
...But if Jews are underrepresented as participants, as fans they are well represented...
...quantity...
...However, in facilities that are competently and sensitively administered, staff are trained to recognize and respond appropriately to these very natural and very expected feelings...
...One of six Jewish couples is affected by infertility...
...The demands on these women are growing rapidly with each new decade...
...Let's say a mi sheberach (prayer for the critically^ ill) for them...
...Attitudes that believe nursing facilities are mere institutions do not...
...Like Jews, Cubs fans think in terms of generations...
...Would Ms...
...Is this a representation of moment's policy regarding Reform rabbis...
...Many times hiring someone to care for the elderly parent when the adult child cannot (for whatever reason) is the best solution...
...Shooting the messenger will not make Alzheimer's disease go away...
...Let's put our attenFORUM tion on quality, no...
...More important, he is a friend of Israel...
...My husband and I consider ourselves among the lucky ones...
...So while we call for a change in attitudes toward large families in the Jewish communities, which, admittedly, is a good idea, let us not forget that it is the Jewish values that you mention, not the Jewish numbers, that count the most...
...The thought of slapping, tying to a bed or drugging anyone, particularly a vulnerable elderly person in need of care, is the absolute antithesis of showing "honor and reverence" to that person...
...Such facilities also have equipment such as bathtubs and whirlpools especially designed for those who are nonambulatory...
...And, although the editor of this publication (another retired foreign service officer, Richard Curtis) castigates Arafat for his disastrous blunder in "hitching the Palestinian wagon to the most despotic leader to arise in the Arab world in modern times," he then blames Israel for Arafat's mistake: "Israel, both through its own Mossad and by manipulating Palestinian extremists, has systematically assassinated Palestinian leaders with intelligence and common sense...
...I would expect that moment would display more intelligence and common sense than is to be found in your article on Jewish Arabists...
...But their anti-Israel voices have not been stilled...
...And let's have a litde rachrhones [compassion...
...I found nothing...
...Moseson prefer that they soil their clothing...
...Jewish tradition places value on the parent who nurtures and educates a child, regardless of whether that parent gave birth to the child...
...As professionals in Jewish family service and as adoptive parents ourselves, we are optimistic about the opportunities for revitalization that adoption offers the Jewish community...
...Most women need to work to help support their families...
...Couples look at their own childhoods...
...To say that I was shocked and greatly disturbed upon reading this would truly be an understatement...
...Young women must also look at the divorce statistics—or at their own divorced mothers...
...That adjustment is much easier when it is believed that the elderly person, no matter what his or her physical and psychological condition, needs and deserves unconditional dignity—and when efforts are made by family and staff to preserve that dignity...
...She is entirely mistaken on all three counts...
...But sometimes it is not...
...A Mi Sheberach for the Cubs As a former Chicagoan who rooted for one lousy Cubs team after another, I was pleased to see moment send the Cubbies retroactively to the 1965 World Series ("Why Jews Play Sports," April 1991...
...Steven Feldman Washington, D.C...
...This diversity of training and skill makes for better care than even the most dedicated individual private-duty caregiver can provide...
...Singer, it is not easy to look at my 70-year-old mother and know how she longs for the grandchildren I cannot give her...
...Every child who joins the Jewish community through adoption can, with proper nurturing, strengthen our people...
...They see what it's • like to raise children alone...
...That the American government is committed to the survival and security of Israel is due both to the friends of Israel in Congress and in the administration in which Kurtzer and his Jewish colleagues play a leading role...
...We try to serve as examples for those who feel that dropping the kids off at the synagogue a couple of times a week is enough for Jewish education...
...Though they may not be able to do what they used to do, though they may not be able to function as before, they still need to be affirmed and challenged...
...Though they may not seem as "useful" as before, they are still needed in the divine economy for this world until the Holy One calls them to the next...
...Offensive Ad As a proud Conservative Jew and, by the way, a female rabbi, I have had a number of disappointing interactions with individual Orthodox rabbis and lay people...
...I did not invent these practices nor do I "espouse" them...
...Frankly, the thought that Rabbi Golinkin (and I shudder to refer to him with that title, since, espousing these views, he brings shame to the sacred memories of all those who went before him) holds the position he does as chair of the Va'ad Halachah of the Rabbinical Assembly of Israel is a most distressing one...
...They want happier lives for their children than they had...
...Baba Meisa, 596b...
...Lastly, violent patients, regardless of their age, are sometimes slapped to jolt them back to reality...
...So much for true Arabists and their magazine...
...The Cubs, as is all-too-well-known, however, have not been in the World Series since 1945 and could not, in any case, have taken on Sandy Koufax and the Dodgers in the Fall Classic, as your caption suggests, because both teams are in the National League...
...I read the entire piece twice in the hopes of finding something that mitigates that statement...
...Of course not...
...Some elderly parents need to be sedated so that they will not harm themselves or others or damage household items...
...Or is it greater honor for an outsider to do so...
...Is it selfish to decide in favor of greater emotional happiness for both yourself and your children...
...None of the methods described above are attractive but sometimes they are unavoidable...
...FORUM No Drugs, No Slaps Rabbi David Golinkin's April 1991 responsum regarding home or institutional care for elderly parents states: "If, however, the parent has deteriorated to such an extent that he or she requires a slap or being tied to the bed or being drugged [my emphasis] or having a diaper changed, is it honor and reverence for a child to do this...
...So I speak not from a vacuum or without firsthand knowledge...
...Box 11525, Philadelphia, Pa...
...Religious Tyranny in Israel Hillel Halkin's column of April 1991 makes some interesting observations about the kinds of governments that make war on each other...
...Of course, they are carrying out American policy—which has never wavered from insistence on the implementation of Resolutions 242 and 338 and the Camp David Accords...
...Another way to make Jewish babies that Singer does not mention is adoption...
...Michael Egren Auburn Hills, Michigan Palestinian Democracy a Dream Hillel Halkin (Column, April 1991) contends that "there is no reason to assume that the average resident of Nablus or Ramallah wants to live under the Saddam Hussein- or Hafez Assad-style dictatorship that the PLO would impose if it could...
...They work to help new residents adjust to their new surroundings, so that this "strange environment" will at least become home-like, if not really home...
...Jean and Jeff Yablon Washington, D.C...
...I was raised in the Conservative movement, and I don't know what branch of the movement Rabbi Golinkin comes from, but I was certainly never taught such behavior or attitudes, either at home or in formal religious training...
...Interestingly, the one major force now competing for the loyalty of Palestinian Arabs is the Moslem fundamentalist Hamas movement, which has about as much attachment to democratic institutions as does Fidel Castro...
...In addition, a skilled care facility does not have to be a "strange environment" in perpetuity, as Rabbi Golinkin inadvertendy implies...
...This is whyTesi-dents are often encouraged to take favorite and familiar pieces of furniture, pictures and knickknacks from their homes when they move...
...Those candidates who openly championed the PLO were elected by overwhelming majorities...
...Would she prefer that they fall down the stairs or break all the dishes in their house...
...Some elderly parents are incontinent and need to wear diapers...
...Nonetheless, I found it very troubling to see the ad in your magazine for the newsletter, "YOU" (April 1991...
...19116.—-Ed...
...In 1976, Israel held democratic elections for municipal offices in the Arab towns of Judea, Samaria and Gaza...
...in the April 1991 issue...
...Unhappy parents rarely have happy children...
...There are good nursing homes and there are homes that are not so good...
...Many of these families have adopted more than one child, and local Stars of David chapters help them foster a positive Jewish identity in their children...
...Sometimes, it is better, for both parent and child, that the parent move into a skilled-nursing facility...
...it also makes a mockery of the Jewish tenet that all of life—no matter what its "quality"—is sacred...
...The value of our average weekly earnings has decreased, not increased, in the last 20 years...
...Johanna Gross Smith Middletown, Ohio Cubs Fans Think in Terms Of Generations We found "Why Jews Play Sports" (April 1991) to be interesting and provocative...
...No one, not my parents or yours or anyone else's—indeed no person in need of care—ever "requires" such treatment nor should they ever receive such treatment...
...The problem of elder abuse, along with that of child abuse, is rising sharply...
...The veteran Arabists in the State Department, who served in Arab countries and sympathized with the Arab cause, have mostly retired...
...Unlike most private residences, such facilities are usually built with the physical needs of the frail and impaired elderly in mind...
...If, God forbid, I ever deteriorate to the point where I need to be cared for by others, I hope that my children will follow one of the three halachic options outlined in my responsum...
...Public opinion polls taken in the territories reveal that the level of Arab public support for the PLO has not diminished since 1976, despite the PLO's refusal to abandon its antidemocratic ways...
...However, I noticed something that was actually quite shocking...
...In my responsum, I used the tools of halachah [Jewish religious law] and the collective wisdom of Jewish tradition to suggest three possible avenues for dealing with such a situation...
...They are an established fact of modern professional geriatric care necessitated by the physical and mental deterioration caused by Alzheimer's and other diseases...
...Even Jews who disagree with the religious premises and the political maneuvering of Orthodoxy would do well to condemn such material...
...he suggests that any Israeli-Palestinian negotiations include a binding and enforceable commitment that any Palestinian state be a parliamentary democracy...
...And the third is that no elderly person requires such methods of treatment...
...Any child who would behave in such a manner toward a parent deserves our scorn and derision, not praise...
...I have spent the past five years as a probation officer in a suburban area just outside New York City, all but the last four months of that time assigned to family court, where I witnessed firsthand the results of such behavior...
...In any event, the Cubs could never face the Dodgers in the series because both teams are in the National League...
...We live as active, involved Jews...
...However, to think of nursing homes genetically as holding areas for the Angel of Death is not only factually wrong...
...to look at the pictures of my father and know that since my brother died childless there will be no one to carry on his name and his and his father's tradition of Jewish learning...
...The second is that I "espouse" such behavior...
...Technically, Kurtzer is a State Department Arabist because he speaks Arabic and has served as a political officer in Cairo...
...When we talk about children, we, by necessity, have to talk about the lives of the women who bear them...
...Furthermore, in facilities that are competently and sensitively run, an interdisciplinary team from the facility's various departments—nursing, activities, social work, dietary, pastoral care—will regularly meet with family members to discuss the resident's plan of care...
...For an elderly person, such stress and the concomitant feeling of loss of home and loss of independence are certainly magnified...
...Compassion for Childless Couples I was deeply disturbed by Suzanne F. Singer's Perspective, "Making Jewish Babies—A Private Decision Only...
...Attesting to the importance of adoption in the Jewish community are the more than 800 families who have joined Stars of David, the national information and support network for Jewish adoptive families begun in 1985...
...By the way, despite a flurry of high-priced acquisitions during the offseason, the Cubs are once again happily mired in mediocrity...
...Halevai...
Vol. 16 • August 1991 • No. 4
