Making Jewish Babies - A Private Decision Only
PERSPECTIVE Making Jewish Babies— A Private Decision Only? Even in the most vital and thriving Jewish communities—where Jewish schools are growing, where Jewish community organizations abound,...
...Our son fell in battle in Israel...
...We talk endlessly about the threat of assimilation and interfaith marriage...
...Jewish women in the United States bear, on the average, 1.5 children...
...If you believe children require intense, exclusive emotional input from parents, then the competition for your time from several children may deny each of them what you feel the child deserves...
...absence of extended family support— nearby grandparents, aunts and uncles—during the years when children are young and parents need help...
...Except in Orthodox communities, our Jewish environment does not stress the special importance of Jewish children...
...We do not celebrate large families...
...Do we speak to each other about the hard facts of diminishing numbers, the implication of small families...
...If you envision children as not only requiring emotional support but as giving abundant joy to you and your marriage and to each other, then you can hope to manage the demands of several children...
...jeopardy to a two-income standard of living...
...We who have experienced a child's death must remind you who are planning families to plan with humility— with awareness that there is so much in life that is unforeseen.—S.F.S...
...The average number of children borne by all U.S...
...Part of him continues in each of his three brothers...
...women is 1.7...
...literally dying...
...On the contrary, we often treat the large family as an oddity, with a certain disdain for the parents' seeming lack of control...
...In this respect, Jewish women are not much different from other women in this country, except that we outdo them slightly in keeping our families small...
...On the communal level have we adequately explored how to help larger families with the cost of Jewish education...
...Below that, our numbers will continually diminish...
...others, obviously, not If your view of what you must provide to each child includes paying for private universities, for private camps, for travel vacations and for lessons outside of school, then financial considerations may dictate a decision to have only one child or, at most, two...
...What about surrogate grandparents and aunts and uncles who will pitch in with car-pools and with babysitting, or to meet the parents' need for a few days off...
...There should be Jewish community programs to support higher Jewish birthrates...
...reluctance of women to interrupt professional careers...
...Whether to have babies, when to have them and how many are, of course, among our most intimate and private decisions...
...But underlying these reasons is a value equation—the value of having children versus the value of other needs and desires...
...Some of these other needs and values are related to how children should be raised...
...Is a Shabbat set aside for reflection on demographics, on our losses in the Shoah and on the challenge posed by philosopher Emil Fackenheim (see p. 28) to deny Hitler his posthumous victory...
...Each one of our children is an irreplaceable jewel, but if one is taken from us, the greatest consolation is those brothers and sisters who remain...
...Even in the most vital and thriving Jewish communities—where Jewish schools are growing, where Jewish community organizations abound, where adults eagerly study and seek new ways to bring Judaism into their homes—we are a dying people...
...However, if you think that a state university education is not simply a fallback for the less qualified, if you expect children to work and to earn money to help pay their expenses, if you see their work experiences as a reasonable—possibly preferable—substitute for summer camps, and if you anticipate that travel in the U.S...
...Where are the networks that link parents of larger families with couples trying to figure out whether to commit to another child...
...Together the five of us strengthen each other to live without Alex...
...increasingly high cost of educating children, Jewishly, in their younger years and, later, in college...
...If you fear that children will prevent proper nurturing of your marriage, then having too many children can be worrisome...
...More of us die each year than are born...
...But can those of us who worry about the diminishing number of Jews simply express a wistful hope that Jewish husbands and wives will begin to recognize that children are wonderful and worth the effort they require and will begin to have more of them...
...above that, we increase...
...A personal postscript The years when we are able to bear children are defined by our bodies, but there is no time of life when we are protected from tragedy—from the loss of a beloved child...
...But we are strangely quiet about facing the implications of this demographic time bomb...
...Simply to replace those who die, each Jewish woman must, on the average, bear 2.1 children...
...If you feel you must have a vacation separate from your children, children can indeed be burdensome—and expensive...
...Rabbis' sermons seldom encourage larger families: When do we honor families with three or more children...
...Many reasons account for the decline in the size of Jewish families: marriage at a later age, when women have fewer child-bearing years...
...may be as rewarding as foreign travel, then the balance sheet may allow you to have another child...
Vol. 16 • April 1991 • No. 2
