Rabbis Who Perform Intermarriages-Who They Are and Why They Do It

SHANKS, HERSHEL

Intermarriage RABBIS WHO PERFORM INTERMARRIAGES Who They Are & Why They Do It HERSHEL SHANKS To say that 50 percent of the Reform rabbis in the United States officiate at intermarriages is...

...Simleadership of the Reform movement is not happy with my Center or my existence," he concedes...
...Rabbi Mihaly published a responsum in 1985 in which he noted that the statement "obviously implies, with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, that [the language quoted above] is absolute, binding and no Reform rabbi dare deviate from it...
...Less than 39 percent of the 1,430 CCAR members responded to Rabbi Fishbein's survey...
...A New York Times article reported that the couple plan to raise their children as Roman Catholics...
...Louis whether they performed interfaith marriages...
...There is no reliable estimate of how many Conservative rabbis officiate at intermarriages, but the number is not large...
...Rabbi Mihaly feels that were he a practicing rabbi who performs marriages (which he is not), he would officiate at a mixed marriage if he were convinced that there was a strong likelihood that the marriage "would add to the strength and creativity of the Jewish people and to the fulfillment of the couple, and, "No one has the right to question the sincerity of a rabbi who has struggled with the problem and decided to perform an interfaith marriage...
...Non-responding rabbis may not want to place themselves on record as performing intermarriages, especially if they officiate at intermarriages only reluctantly, for major benefactors (or major benefactors' children...
...The ceremony involved traditions from both faiths The ecumenical service contained no mention by name of Jesus God was referred to as "God the Father...
...Rabbi Mihaly agrees: "Many, if not most, rabbis hesitate to publicize their policy...
...Many couples agree, despite the fact that the rabbi may have no such intention...
...The service ended with Cote smashing a glass, as in a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony...
...Mayer agrees...
...The Rabbinical Assembly has taken a strong stand against officiation at interfaith marriages...
...Rabbi Eugene Mihaly further, that neither party to the marriage was compromising his or her own conscience...
...They would even do so on Shabbat or yom tov...
...Many put pressure on their rabbi to do so...
...We are advised that the somewhat surprising results of this study have triggered a more in-depth follow-up studv...
...The opposite argument is equally strong, if not stronger...
...So 50 percent seems a reasonable current Rabbi and Priest Officiate as Governor Cuomo's Daughter Weds Jewish Shoe Designer Rabbi Charles Davidson of Westport Connecticut who co-officiated at the marriage of the daughter of New York governor Mario Cuomo to a Jewish shoe designer, says he did not set any conditions for the couple before performing the ceremony...
...He conducts workshops on raising children in a Jewish home...
...A check of the marriage records, however, showed just the opposite: six of the seven had in fact officiated at intermarriages...
...Many others require premarital counseling sessions at which additional general or specific conditions may be set, for example, that the non-Jewish spouse promise to pursue a course of study in Judaism, or that the couple join a synagogue...
...According to the Lenn Report, only 4 percent of Reform congregations disapprove of their rabbis' officiating at interfaith marriages...
...estimate of the members of the Reform rabbinate who officiate at intermarriages...
...Rabbi Mihaly asserts that among the Reform rabbis who solemnize interfaith marriages "are some of the most scholarly, dedicated and serious spiritual guides within the Reform movement...
...He recognizes that "intermarriage is not helpful in terms of Jewish survival...
...Intermarriage RABBIS WHO PERFORM INTERMARRIAGES Who They Are & Why They Do It HERSHEL SHANKS To say that 50 percent of the Reform rabbis in the United States officiate at intermarriages is probably accurate, but to a certain extent misleading...
...Mayer concludes, although with some caution because of the small size of his sample (300 couples), "Whether or not a rabbi was willing to officiate at one's marriage ceremony does not appear to have significantly encouraged or deterred the conversion of the non-Jewish partners...
...He rejects as "myth" the notion that intermarriage is somehow good for Jewish survival...
...Most rabbis perform intermarriages only on the fulfillment of certain conditions...
...Friends of the family reportedly told the Times that Maria Cuomo, a Roman Catholic and Kenneth D. Cole, a Jew who celebrated his bar mitz-vah at Temple Emanuel in Great Neck, New York, 'had agreed* to this arrangement...
...In 1973, the Reform rabbis adopted a statement at the CCAR convention declaring that rabbis who officiate at mixed marriages "do so contrary to the clear guidelines of their rabbinic organization...
...ful ceremony...
...An increase of 9 percent since 1972 would not be surprising...
...This leaves only 18 percent who will neither officiate nor refer...
...Fully two-thirds of the rabbis who perform intermarriages make such a requirement...
...Many congregations say they want a rabbi who will officiate at intermarriages and some even make this a condition when hiring a rabbi...
...The issue of officiating at interfaith marriages has engendered the most serious spiritual struggle in the history of the Reform movement," Rabbi Mihaly told MOMENT...
...According to a 1987 survey of the Reform rabbinate conducted by Rabbi Irwin H. Fishbein of the Rabbinic Center for Research and Counseling, 50.4 percent of the rabbis who responded said they do officiate at intermarriages...
...According to Brooklyn College sociology professor Egon Mayer, who is a leading authority on Jewish intermarriage, the question of rabbinic participation at interfaith marriages "has created a great deal of controversy among all segments of Jewish officialdom...
...In addition to providing professional counseling and therapy, he conducts through his synagogue a variety of support programs for intermarried couples...
...What effect does rabbinic officiation at intermarriages have on the couple...
...Why do these rabbis solemnize mixed marriages...
...Some will dispute whether this conclusion is supported by the data...
...He has a "couples" group that meets on Shabbat, for seders, and so on...
...The authors of the statement do not even hint, as minimal courtesy to one's colleagues would demand, that [a conference resolution alluded to in the statement contains] a crystal affirmation of each rabbi's freedom to act in accordance with his/her interpretation of Jewish tradition...
...Rabbi Eugene Mihaly, professor of rabbinic literature and homiletics at Hebrew Union * Central Conference of American Rabbis, the rabbis' organization of the Reform movement College, calls it a "crisis situation...
...Are we better off if the rabbi and the Jewish community try to help these people— or are we better off turning our backs on them...
...Egon Mayer, a leading sociologist, finds that rabbinic officiation at an intermarriage ceremony does not necessarily encourage the conversion of the non-Jewish spouse...
...Only one rabbi is listed in the state of Virginia (which includes the Washington, D.C...
...The wedding took place in the Executive Mansion in Albany, New York, on October 11.1987...
...There is money in it, especially for rabbis who have a reputation for performing intermarriages without very stringent conditions...
...Rabbi Davidson recited the blessing over the cup of wine and Monsignor Jones invited the couple to exchange vows...
...Steven Bayme of the American Jewish Committee (which sponsored Mayer's study) goes further: ' 'Rabbis who consent to officiate at interfaith marriages on the assumption that they are encouraging ongoing ties of the couple with the Jewish community might well question the validity of that premise...
...Six of the seven said no...
...Rabbi Fishbein sees a conservative tide sweeping Jewish leadership that is "not compatible" with what he's doing...
...Fishbein's survey is no less reliable than other surveys, he says...
...Rabbis who refuse to perform intermarriages may not want to participate in, or be associated with, Rabbi Fishbein's survey...
...region of the Rabbinical Assembly (the rabbis' organization of the Conservative movement) officially banned rabbis who perform intermarriages from officiating at functions in synagogues of their members...
...Rabbi Fishbein has dedicated his rabbinate primarily to helping intermarried couples...
...Dr...
...Only one rabbi is listed in Boston (Rabbi Paul H. Levenson), Cleveland (Rabbi Frederick A. Eisenberg) and Washington, D.C...
...Davidson called the wedding a "beauti...
...Others, like Rabbi Robert A. Kaiser of San Francisco, place minimal conditions on their willingness to perform intermarriages, such as requiring that children of the marriage not be promised to another faith...
...Conservative rabbis belonging to this region are also barred from co-officiating "at any ritual function" with a rabbi who performs intermarriages...
...Over 30 percent said it had some influence and 8 percent said it made a great difference...
...The List of 200 Rabbis Who Officiate Most rabbis who perform interfaith marriages, according to a 1987 survey by Rabbi Irwin H. Fishbein of the Rabbinic Center for Research and Counseling, do so only if certain conditions are met, such as an agreement on the part of the couple to make a Jewish home, to join a synagogue, to embark on a course of Jewish study, or to raise the children as Jews...
...But he does not, he says, promote intermarriages...
...But behind the decision of most rabbis to perform intermarriages lie principle and integrity...
...Indeed, Rabbi Mihaly speaks of rabbis who feel' 'a religious imperative, under appropriate conditions, to officiate at interfaith marriages...
...If you read The New York Times, that was something a friend said.' Davidson, a Reform rabbi with a congregation in Westport said that he bad performed "many" intermarriages...
...I believe," Fishbein concludes, "that we've got more to gain from a positive approach...
...Some Reform officials question the accuracy of Rabbi Fishbein's 50 percent figure...
...Last summer the Nassau-Suffolk (N.Y...
...He is a "CCAR renegade," they say, whose Rabbinic Center for Research and Counseling fosters intermarriage...
...Yet," he says, "in life we are often confronted with a choice between bad and worse or between good and better...
...The most common condition is that the couple agree to establish a Jewish home and/ or raise their children as Jews...
...Are we better off," he asks, "if the rabbi and the Jewish community try to help these people who will intermarry anyway—these are people, after all, who are seking some ties to Judaism and the community—or are we better off turning our backs on them...
...The percentage of respondents to his survey, Fishbein points out, is just as high as the response to a survey on the same subject conducted by CCAR itself in 1972...
...Even when the couple knows as a rational matter that the rabbi is acting on neutral doctrinal grounds, their emotional response is, "I've been rejected—rejected by Judaism...
...Rabbi Fishbein argues that a 39 percent response to his survey is quite high...
...No one has the right to question the sincerity of a rabbi who has struggled with the problem and decided to perform an interfaith marriage," says Rabbi Mihaly...
...Rabbi Fishbein notes that "rabbis have become increasingly cautious about their public stance on intermarriage because of collegial pressure or fear that it will affect career opportunities...
...I don't know anything about Ithe couple's plans for raising their childreni," Rabbi Davidson recently told MOMENT...
...That earlier survey, known as the Lenn Report (for Theodore I. Lenn, a social scientist who conducted the study), found that 41 percent of the CCAR rabbinate officiated at intermarriages at that time...
...On the other hand, these statistics can be misleading unless they are understood in context...
...Rabbi Mihaly recalls once asking seven rabbis in St...
...Rabbi Harold White), but there are six in Cincinnati, Ohio, the home of Hebrew Union College, the Reform rabbinic seminary...
...The balance (73 percent) agreed to be included on a public list of "CCAR* Rabbis Who Officiate At Intermarriages Without Requiring Conversion...
...Still others who answered Fishbein's survey go even further...
...The willingness of rabbis to perform intermarriages seems to vary in different cities and different parts of the country, although Fishbein's survey obviously does not include many rabbis who do officiate at intermarriages, as well as many who do not Only one rabbi from Philadelphia (Rabbi Richard F. Address) appears on the list, but 10 rabbis are listed from St Louis...
...The rabbis who perform them are "devoted rabbis, profoundly committed to the perpetuation of Judaism and the creative survival of the Jewish people...
...Rabbi Frederic S. Dworkin of Montclair, New Jersey, Rabbi Irwin C. Lowenheim of Huntington Station, New York, Rabbi Daniel Friedman of Deerfield, Illinois and Rabbi Norman Goldburg of Augusta, Georgia, all indicated that they would perform an interfaith marriage in a service conducted with a non-Jewish clergyman in a church where Christian symbols are visible...
...Another reason applicable to some rabbis is congregational pressure, especially when it comes from the president of the shut or a major contributor whose son or daughter is about to intermarry...
...However, this is not necessarily their only or even primary motivation...
...In this day and age, you can't play God...
...They do so in the hope that the intermarried couple—or their children—will eventually fully enter the Jewish fold...
...Did the officiating rabbi know that the children were to be raised as Catholics...
...According to a recent study of conversion by Mayer, a fourth of the non-Jews who encountered rabbinic refusal to officiate at their marriage say this caused them to distance themselves from institutionalized Judaism.* On the other hand, over 60 percent of the non-Jews who had been married by a rabbi reported this had no impact on their Jewish life...
...Some do it "out of greed," charges Rabbi Bruce Ginsberg of the Bethpage (N.Y...
...Although the statement is not binding, some efforts have been made to use it in that way...
...Cole's mother, when asked about this agreement said "It might be true It remains to be seen...
...Conservative labbis who perform intermarriages can be expelled from the group...
...Whether rabbis should perform such marriages is one of the hottest and most divisive current issues in the Reform rabbinate...
...Of those who said they perform such marriages, more than a quarter (27 percent) said they didn't want to go public with it and have their names on a list of such rabbis...
...so the argument runs...
...suburbs), but three are listed in Iowa, and 39 in California...
...According to Fishbein, interfaith couples who approach a rabbi who refuses to officiate at their marriage experience this as a personal rejection, a conclusion affirmed by a psychologist consulted in the Lenn Report...
...Other rabbis impose no conditions on their willingness to perform intermarriages...
...8> at Mixed Marriages Is Available ilarly with Rabbi Steven M. Reuben of Pacific Palisades, California, Rabbi Jerry Fisher of Sherman Oaks, California, and Rabbi Burton J. Padoll of Peab-ody, Massachusetts...
...although half of the respondents officiate at intermarriages, very few of the non-respondents may officiate at such marriages...
...He officiated with Monsig-nor John Jones of the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception m Albany...
...Rabbi Irwin H. Fishbein Nevertheless, many rabbis continue to officiate at interfaith marriages because they do not want to alienate the couple from Judaism at a critical time in the couple's life...
...The complete list of over 200 names of "CCAR Rabbis Who Officiate At Intermarriages Without Requiring Conversion" can be obtained free of charge from Rabbi Irwin H. Fishbein, Rabbinic Center for Research and Counseling, 128 East Dudley Ave., Westfield, New Jersey 07090...
...It is difficult to determine," says Professor Mayer...
...Rabbi Samuel M. Silver of Delray Beach, Florida, also places no listed conditions on the couple...
...Jewish Community Center...
...If this is what makes my son happy, then this is what it will be...
...Moreover, an additional 32 percent of the Reform rabbinate who do not perform intermarriages will nevertheless refer a couple to a rabbi who does officiate at intermarriages...

Vol. 12 • January 1988 • No. 10


 
Developed by
Kanda Sofware
  Kanda Software, Inc.