The Quiet Corner
475 THE QUIET CORNER / counsel thee, shut not thy heart nor thy library.—C. Lamb. "Bon jour, mes amis," said Dr. Angelicus airily, as he flung open the library doors. "Ah," remarked Euphemia,...
...Impossible," said the Doctor, settling himself in his chair...
...In order to heighten the effect, I continued for several minutes to converse in French with the waiter...
...There were gasps of amazement...
...But if asked of a hen, decidedly a most personal question," she replied...
...There's more," explained Euphemia, and she went on: "The effect on my friends was tremendous...
...That's easy...
...What's yours, Fred?' he asked...
...He made motions as if he were scrambling eggs in a frying pan, but the waiter couldn't get what he was driving at...
...Euphemia stopped and looked up at her audience...
...The laughter stopped...
...exclaimed Euphemia...
...All eyes were on me...
...Jack Lejeune, who boasted a smattering of French, volunteered to act as interpreter...
...Go on," repeated the Doctor in irritation, "what happened 476 when he couldn't think of the French expression for scrambled eggs...
...I can't think of the word for scrambled eggs.' Euphemia paused and glanced curiously at the Doctor to find his eyes riveted upon her...
...The oeufs or the jambon...
...this will be funny.' " "It probably was," broke in Britannicus...
...Go on," he said intensely...
...Just look," exclaimed Euphemia, "at the picture...
...I remember—" "Stop interrupting," cried the Doctor...
...Jambon et des—et des...
...Because, dear Doctor, the advertisements far surpass the articles and fiction in the important qualities of suspense and imaginative writing...
...I'm hungry...
...I'm afraid you'll have to order something else, Fred,' he said finally...
...I hesitated— prolonged the suspense as long as possible...
...Jack's face fell...
...No, you don't understand," said Euphemia...
...What follows...
...The Librarian...
...A chuckle ran around the table...
...Now here," said Euphemia, interrupting herself, "appears the first flaw...
...Just because he prolonged the suspense, there's no reason why you should," exclaimed the annoyed Doctor...
...He did no such thing...
...Now, Euphemia, you're getting to be a great nuisance with these advertisements," said Angelicus severely...
...No...
...I'd like to...
...I never succumb to anything," announced the Doctor, lapsing back into his mother tongue...
...And this is the caption: 'They grinned when the waiter spoke to me in French, but their laughter changed to amazement at my reply!'" "Nothing remarkable about that," said the Doctor...
...Virginia ham and scrambled eggs,' I replied...
...Amazement is usually what follows the average American's attempt to speak French...
...Euphemia announced impressively: "The next chapter is headed, 'A Tense Moment.' " "Get on," commanded the Doctor, "get on to the scrambled eggs...
...There was a pause...
...I submit to the inevitable," sighed Britannicus, who had been endeavoring to write, "but not without voicing a protest" So, as he laid down his pencil, Euphemia began in her best elocutionary voice: "We had dropped into Pierrot's for dinner—Pierrot's, that quaint French restaurant where the waiters speak nothing but French...
...But watch him...
...He knew that my order would be difficult to translate into French...
...Ah," remarked Euphemia, bent over a magazine, "so you have succumbed too, have you...
...He's been a real hero up to the present...
...Euphemia, hastily referring again to the advertisement, repeated dramatically: " 'I can't think of the word for scrambled eggs!' "Everybody smiled—everybody except me...
...Qu'est-ce que vous voulez, Monsieur?' he asked...
...What happened ?" "Ah, you do find it interesting...
...A party of four seated at a restaurant table—an earnest young man addressing the waiter at his elbow...
...Well, no...
...Finally Jack turned to me...
...In certain cases, I've had to myself...
...Now where could you find a better story—" "Oh, I suppose you're determined to read it," interrupted the Doctor resignedly...
...Dear Doctor, I hate to see you suffer," said Euphemia compassionately...
...but Jack couldn't think how to say scrambled eggs...
...asked Britannicus, looking around...
...Fred can't speak French, can he?' I heard a girl whisper to Jack...
...You may as well begin it now, and get it over with the quicker...
...Euphemia cleared her voice, and continued: "The waiter addressed me...
...not exactly—if asked of a waiter...
...speculated Angelicus...
...He never spoke a word of French in his life,' came the answer...
...He ordered bacon instead," pronounced Britannicus...
...Let me continue: "Then in perfect French, I said to the waiter: 'Donnezmoi, s'il vous plait, du jambon aux oeufs brouilles—jambon de Virginie.'" "Ah," sighed Angelicus, relaxing contentedly in his chair, "that was magnificent...
...By the way, what is the French for scrambled eggs...
...Now tell me what you want to eat,' announced Jack grandly, after we were seated, 'and I'll parley with the waiter.' "With halting French phrases and much motioning of hands, Jack translated our orders to the waiter...
...Are you in pain, Britannicus...
...Oeufs," began Britannicus, "Oeufs—" "It sounds like somebody being poked in the middle," protested Euphemia...
...How...
...exclaimed Euphemia triumphantly...
...but now he begins to disappoint me...
...However, he made a brave effort...
...I'll explain my order to the waiter,' I said...
...With great ceremony, I beckoned to the waiter...
...I asked him all sorts of questions—what part of France he was from—how long he had been in America— and many other queries...
...Why do you pore so attentively over the backs of magazines, instead of turning to the really worth-while reading matter in their contents...
...Will you go on ?" demanded the Doctor, losing all patience...
...Well, it's not polite to ask personal questions, even of a waiter," explained Euphemia...
...I suppose it's a book entitled, French Without a Struggle," remarked Britannicus as he drew forth a sheaf of copy-paper...
...inquired Britannicus, looking more hungry every minute...
...asked Britannicus...
...Let me read you what follows...
...This advertisement of a book that teaches one to speak French fluently in twenty-four lessons," said Euphemia...
...Where are they...
...Succumbed to what...
...Do you consider, 'are these eggs quite fresh?' a personal question...
Vol. 5 • March 1927 • No. 17
