A way of life in old age:
Bethune, Ade
A WAY OF LIFE IN OLD AGE START A NEW COMMUNITY ADE BETHUNE As the years advance, what do I want of life? Only one thing, to make my last years the best of all my life. I am only eighty-one. Ten...
...One million must be raised in a month...
...Second, I realized how easily I could become entangled in a similar situation...
...A lovely day in spring now brings me so much more joy than when I was young...
...Is it wise to put it off...
...The plan is to renovate it into a community, a senior center, similar to so many in the country...
...For their guests, Phil and Esther had prepared a quantity of packages, neatly wrapped in brown paper...
...Is all this only a lovely dream...
...Her estate, worth some thousands of dollars, plus the proceeds from the sale of her house, were to go to an unknown distant relative in Ireland...
...Our board is growing...
...That space becomes a symbol of their unique personality, their own world...
...And we must raise endowment funds for those who cannot afford to buy a share...
...I welcome death, whenever she comes, in her own time...
...How would it be, I wondered, for older folk to have companions, to live co-operatively, to work out a buddy system where one helps the other and they do not have to be consigned to a nursing institution for sick people...
...Eleanor had lived many years with her sister, Grace, who seems to have been the better housekeeper of the two...
...I had never known Eleanor, but the things left behind in her Massachusetts home revealed fragments of her life...
...A page, perhaps only a sentence, or a heart-to-heart talk, even with a stranger, can touch base and open vistas deep in my heart...
...I might live for another twenty years, but I want to be free to live them in the simple style that befits an elder...
...I need to simplify my life, to rejoice in the fleeting days and hours, such as they may be...
...How much of it ever reached Ireland we can only guess...
...To bring the buildings up to code and meet the Americans with Disabilities Act, everything must be updated from top to bottom: elevator, sprinkler system, fire stairs, ramps...
...They had enjoyed the books, some for over half a century...
...and I absorbed its contents as we worked in the kitchen and ate around the table or went to the market for errands...
...She is part of the great gift I owe to my parents, and to their parents before them, that awesome gift, life herself...
...We are doing a campaign for the Cenacle...
...To simplify one's life is a never-ending task...
...To be realistic, a few friends and I have joined forces and formed a nonprofit corporation, Star of the Sea, in Newport, Rhode Island...
...The chapel shines with beautiful stained glass...
...People who can share a bit of humor, or a tip on gourmet cooking while they wash the dishes together, or who inspire others with an interesting idea they have discovered somewhere...
...We are buying a building, the former Cenacle Retreat House, facing Narragansett Bay...
...The jubilarians had decided to reduce their library and were giving most of their books away...
...Now as they relinquished the duty of dusting their books, they were also enjoying vicariously the pleasure and learning that the new owners would find in the volumes' pages...
...I must try to leave my earthly life, not as a burden to others, but insofar as possible, as a free gift...
...Everyday work still needs to be done, but its matter-of-fact quality seems to hold all the more meaning...
...Eleanor had died after less than a week in the hospital...
...But common life means nothing if it is not the foundation for a richer personal life...
...help make a bed (it is so much easier for two...
...Mother and I did not always agree on everything, but we had each other...
...My very death should proclaim my way of life to those I leave behind...
...I drink in depth the colors of a singular autumn leaf...
...Office, kitchen, dining, sitting rooms, multipurpose space, storage, exercise room, workshops, a fine library, a greenhouse, etc...
...Perhaps she could no longer read with pleasure...
...offer a ride to another who no longer drives...
...The two upper floors will consist of private rooms for residents (each with private bath, geared to age and need), single rooms and some two-room suites, as best fits the needs of particular members...
...I know that old age brings its diminishments, aches and pains, sorrows and disappointments...
...I must not leave a mess for others to clean up after I die...
...An idea began to take shape: a community of persons over fifty, who want to shake off loneliness, simplify their private households, and enjoy a richer, more interesting life...
...Mother had more time and ability to read than I did...
...Today, we are launching into the deep to raise $2.5 million...
...Eleanor had retrenched to the first floor, to an office-den where she slept on a lumpy couch, and to a few square feet of the kitchen...
...I have a dream...
...Members of the group need to work together and help each other, but they must also be free to retreat to the privacy of their own individual rooms...
...Purchase of the property is imminent...
...accept the help of a friend who can type a letter...
...Perhaps my own father and mother were able to live in good health into advanced age, and to die at home (no hospital for them), because we were there to help each other...
...I had been a companion to my mother until she died at age ninety-six...
...help another to tie a shoelace...
...Instead of tearing down these interesting historic structures, we plan to give them new life...
...Yes, I must simplify my life...
...I want to see my heirs enjoy them while I am still living, enjoy them as I did and still do...
...Copies of the Reader's Digest, many still in their mailing covers, were piled on and around her desk...
...The several days I spent helping to pack things in boxes and to dispose of them for people in need had an emotional impact on me...
...A mixed-income community...
...Details...
...Each of us was invited to select a mystery package...
...I still miss those good discussions and sharp judgments...
...She can be contacted at 118 Washington Street, Newport, Rhode Island 02840...
...Had I known Eleanor, could I have been a friend to her, perhaps made her last years less lonely...
...it can bring loneliness, depression...
...I need to write my will and sign a durable power of attorney...
...Common life may be an important part of preventive medicine...
...I decided to start giving away my things and the old family furniture before I die, so the things might find a good home and I can still enjoy the pleasure they bring to others...
...After all, lawyers' fees can be considerable...
...People who volunteer to help each other with little chores: see that one guy does not forget his daily medication...
...The buildings have suffered neglect...
...They must be free to enjoy silence, to take a nap, to dream, to read quietly, to look out the window and watch the birds, to follow golden vistas in drifting clouds, to pray, to ponder on the wisdom in the Scriptures, to rejoice in the ineffable love of the Divine Spirit...
...Embroidered bibs, dresses, coverlets, dating back to the 1920s, were carefully stored away in the house...
...Apparently she had renewed her driver's license until the end...
...help organize interest-provoking events...
...No dream without its bottom line...
...She had been widowed for many years...
...I must write my funeral instructions...
...People who want to retain their independence, personal responsibility, and the feeling that they are really useful, that others need them...
...She was always propping a book upon the table as she sat knitting...
...I must start giving most of my treasures to the younger generation...
...Economic discrimination must have no place among members who share the same ideal...
...The sitting room was slightly more presentable, perhaps because an occasional visitor might have been received: Eleanor's spartan den revealed that she had been a government bookkeeper and that old age had not diminished her fascination with figures...
...Third, I began to ponder...
...We are also planning for home owners to buy a share of the co-operative enterprise...
...To see young people grow and develop fills me with elation...
...The clothes and linens were still perfectly organized, as Grace must have left them, but fifteen years of dust gently covered the furniture and boxes, producing exquisite designs on the dressers beneath the lace runners...
...Weeks fly by, too fast to waste on trivialities...
...But filling out her expense slips was still important...
...Drawers disclosed an unbelievable collection of silk stockings, spanning perhaps seventy years, some still waiting the day they would be mended...
...In the dining room, the table was heaped with mounds of dusty things...
...But I find that age is vastly enriched by experience, by memories, friendships, learning new skills, short cuts, freedom to serve others without having to count the cost, a general viewthat life is short, that petty quarrels, pretense, gossip, and unessentials are not worth the worry...
...Pictures of her one child, a Down's syndrome little girl who died early, showed that the baby had been cherished...
...Until it is too late...
...the buffet, too, the chairs along the walls, and the window sills: all held accumulated layers of boxes, packages, newspapers, some quite recent...
...Ten years ago, I helped to empty the house of a woman who had died in her nineties...
...Once again, I resolved to simplify my life...
...Peculiar nooks and crannies of the old, homey buildings will be preserved...
...First, there was the sense that I was invading an unknown person's privacy by having to go through the relics of her life...
...We could bounce ideas off one another, laugh at funny things, compare notes on the latest caper of the dogs, or the priceless sayings of the grandchildren, and even recall the old stories of Uncle Jim and Uncle Charles...
...Last fall I was invited to celebrate the golden wedding of dear friends who were moving to a retirement home...
...ADE BETHUNE is a world-renowned liturgical artist and architectural consultant...
...After Grace died, Eleanor, by then in her eighties, never seems to have summoned the courage to go upstairs any more...
...Their structure is sound, but financing for substantial rehabilitation is required...
...Beneath it is a good hall for lectures, concerts, movies, plays...
...Her lawyer took care of her affairs...
...We would go to church together...
...Quantities of small slips of paper, all dated, gave a meticulous account of every cent spent on each occasion she had entertained visitors with a dish of ice cream at the drug store or taken her car out for errands...
Vol. 122 • June 1995 • No. 12
