The phantoms of the press:
Queenan, Joe
The phantoms of the press
usual surprise party for a journalist friend of ours this month. We're inviting every single unidentified "'source" whose opinions appeared in a single day's editions of...
...JOE QUEENAN Joe Queenan is a free-lance writer based in Tarrytown, New York...
...Not sitting at the same table will be the "Met who asked not to be identified...
...The Islamic Fundamentalist tide has not been invited, parking being tight in Tarrytown...
...We're inviting every single unidentified "'source" whose opinions appeared in a single day's editions of the New York Times, the New York Post, and the San Francisco Chronicle...
...We'll be catering for eighty-five...
...Our guests will be regaled with inside sports dope from "one Met elder...
...We can't wait to find out who he is...
...and "the bartender...
...and "police...
...We expect it to be a lively crowd...
...He'll be the one taking care of the "young government officer sipping a cold beer, a taste threatened by the Islamic Fundamentalist tide...
...Since our journalist friend has covered many beats, we would be disappointed in ourselves if we failed to invite the" "convicted burglar and robber'' cited in the Times and the "Transvestite and alcoholic" who was quoted in the Post...
...The business community will be represented by such figures as "a trading manager for a Persian Gulf oil company," "a spokesman for Merrill Lynch," "a shipping source," "an industry source...
...Backstage gossip at the event will be provided by the "sources" who reported "DeNiro doesn't take any lip...
...In an attempt to keep the guest list at a reasonable size, my wife and I decided not to invite such shadowy figures as "many analysts...
...We also decided, after much soul-searching, not to invite "some survivors of The Titanic," because the salvaging operation the French have undertaken may have put them in a bum mood, and we're planning to have a ball...
...Instead, he will be sitting behind a partition with "the unnamed pilot," and "an official who spoke anonymously...
...many sophisticated investment advisers...
...Serving them will be "our waiter," "a cocktail waitress...
...However, we will take the precaution of seating them at the same table as "a police spokesman," "a law enforcement source...
...The phantoms of the press usual surprise party for a journalist friend of ours this month...
...His work has appeared in the Wall Street Journal, the New Republic, and other publications.ications...
...other economists...
...From the political community we will have "a western diplomat," "a top agency official," "a politburo member" and several "senior administration officials...
...and "the aforementioned National League superscout...
...veterans," or "those in the industry who believe...
...Though most of our guests will be the rich and the powerful, or those who do their bidding, the hoi polloi will be on hand, too...
...They will be sitting at the same table as "a court spokesman," "a former radical," "two presidential spokesmen," and "an administration realist...
...Neighbors" - the ones who "said" things to the New York Post - will be in attendance, alongside "a relative" and "a family spokesman...
...and "one video dealer...
Vol. 115 • February 1988 • No. 4
