The Bootblack Stand
Plunkitt, George Washington
The Bootblack Stand by George Washington Plunkitt Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, has accepted a staff position with the House Ethics Committee, but he has...
...You are the Wilhelm Reich of Capitol Hill, a prophet without honor in your own time...
...George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, has accepted a staff position with the House Ethics Committee, but he has graciously consented to continue advising American statesmen in these times of troubles...
...Believe me, she loved it...
...GWP Dear Dr...
...What were the student demonstrations all about if by now we have not learned that it is O.K...
...What do you say...
...This constructive program would not cost taxpayers a nickel more, for the money would be available in abundance from the monies we now expend on our wildly expensive and unjust prison systems...
...All the time she worked on my staff I never let her appear in the office wearing those house dresses what she bought from the Ben Franklin...
...Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/o The Alternative...
...As many as two-thirds of the law-breakers we send off to misery in our penitentiaries when released just go out and commit more crimes...
...Punishment is no deterrent...
...Isn't it about time we wake up and learn from experience...
...After all I am a 65-year-old Presbyterian, a 28-year stalwart of the most illustrious body of lawgivers in the world, an Elk, a Rotarian...
...The Hays staff got class...
...Sex is a beautiful thing...
...Did you ever try talking dirty while sitting together in a hot tub with your rubber duck...
...I met this girlie when she was just a poor dumb kid...
...Sure I fell for this broad...
...Plunkitt: As surely as there is a God Almighty in Heaven I am innocent of the squalor and licentiousness being imputed to me by people who know not of what they speak...
...but she never hit me...
...Clark: With proposals like that I say that you cannot help but be nominated and elected as Senator if ever Manhattan becomes a state...
...Admittedly I did share some intimacies with this troubled cutie, Elizabeth Ray, but it was hardly the sort of impropriety now being murmured about in the Republican press...
...Hays: Cheer up...
...I suggest we end all forms of criminal punishment and replace punitive measures with positive measures...
...Sincerely yours, Ramsey Clark U.S...
...I suggest that the government award cash prizes to convicted law-breakers for as long as they desist from committing crime...
...I ain't no pervert...
...Here in New York State our governor is talking about getting tough with criminals even though there is overwhelming evidence that despite our elaborate system of criminal punishment the crime rate only increases...
...Dirty talk is the ultimate aphrodisiac...
...I takes all this philosophical, like Dreyfus...
...As to sex, all we ever did was talk dirty...
...to goof off a little...
...Dear Dr...
...GWP 32 The Alternative: An American Spectator August/ September 1976...
...Now the press has turned her against me...
...Some women like dirty talk you know, and I'm understanding...
...People are laughing, but someday historians will look back on me, and I know they will have to say "Wayne Hays was a real gent...
...I took her to the finest Washington restaurants, too, to the taco place over on Connecticut Avenue and even to the Marriott...
...She always sent the vichyssoise back when it was cold...
...Senate candidate Dear Mr...
...Plunkitt: There is much madness in the air...
...When a girlie works for Wayne Hays she wears shoes and never do I allow one to enter my office with hair in pin curlers...
...Your friend, Wayne Hays, M.C...
...I taught her how to be a lady...
...She even talked dirty to me, boy did she...
...You have struck a blow for personhood...
...In my list of cultural revolutionaries you stand with such giants as Voltaire and Charles Manson—people who sacrificed much for a freer, more human world...
...I used to talk very, very dirty to Lizzie, and sometimes, while in thrall to a passion which I now see as having been imprudent, I beat her around a little...
...Dear Mr...
...this is 1976 not 1776, isn't it...
Vol. 9 • August 1976 • No. 10
