The Bootblack Stand
Plunkitt, George Washington
"The Bootblack Stand" Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, is celebrating the publication of his new book, which is now available at avant-garde bookstores throughout New Jersey. Dr....
...Apprehensively, Senator Richard (Dick) Clark (D.-Iowa) Dear Senator Clark: As I understand the problem we must make better use of the protein in our own country so that we can ship more to needy countries like Russia...
...The most provocative suggestion on how to conserve protein came recently in a scholarly monograph which I believe was written by Dr...
...Dear Dr...
...How do you suppose that goes over with the Indian delegation...
...Plunkitt: I am the perplexed custodian of the Kansas City auditorium where the Democrats held their miniconvention, and I write because I fear I have stumbled across another Watergate...
...Box 877, Bloomington, Indiana 47401, Continental U.S.A...
...Dear Ted Wood: There you have it, another example of politicial duplicity...
...uses twenty pounds of vegetable protein to produce one pound of beef protein...
...I have no idea why they would leave it al the convention scene, unless someone played a trick on Bella Abzug and hid her lunch...
...There is a great deal of protein in the human carcass, and it could be boiled and put to good use...
...All we have heard is how unified the Democrats were at that idiotic miniconvention, and now you report that they went off and left a human leg...
...Cordially, Ted Wood P.S...
...An African delegation had me over to a dinner of prosciutto with melon and Chateaubriand at George's Restaurant and expressed its concern that the U.S...
...According tothis learned study Americans waste enormous quantities of protein every year when with shameful prodigality they just stick their dead in the earth and let them rot...
...Jean Mayer of Harvard's Department of Nutrition...
...But the true dimension of the human tragedy of our wastefulness is best illustrated by the fact that America's poor are the best-fed poor in the world—many areactually fat and most own televisions, telephones, and autos...
...I suggest you get Ralph Nader to arouse his forces and campaign for less wasteful and more enlightened treatment of American corpses...
...GWP Dear Dr...
...Plunkitt's book is about the importance of altruism in politics and it is titled What's in It for Me...
...At a caviar reception on the Mexican delegation's roof garden I learned that the United States devours some thirty percent of the resources of that big happy family we call the world community...
...I moonlight as a dairy farmer, so you can understand my fear of attracting attention...
...Plunkitt: I have returned from the World Food Conference where 1 learned what it is like to be hungry and poor and irritable...
...Why would the Democrats have left a human leg in the auditorium and where do I send it without attracting attention...
...Although Dr...
...GWP...
...Plunkitt expects to earn ten million dollars from sales of his new hook, he has agreed to continue to advise public figures through this column...
...I suggest we get our house in order or it's trouble for us...
...Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/a The Alternative, P.O...
...While cleaning out the auditorium after the mini-convention I found a human leg...
...I suggest you send the leg to her...
Vol. 8 • February 1975 • No. 5
