The Bootblack Stand
Plunkitt, George Washington
"The Bootblack Stand" Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, is celebrating the publication of his new book, which is now available at avant-garde bookstores throughout New Jersey. Dr....
...The letter will be returned to the archives shortly...
...After lovingly preparing his body by basting it in a mixture of cocoa butter and powdered sugar, he lay down to sun in a remote corner of the city when he was startled to see a fast-moving Boston Sanitary Department street sweeper bearing down upon him mercilessly...
...The letter was written and sent to the Secretary of State in accordance with the very letter of the law...
...He leapt from itspath in time to save himself, but it was too late to save his transistor radio and some rubber novelties...
...In fact, the next in line for the Presidency is the redoubtable Carl Albert, the House's equivalent to W.C...
...Last month he escaped possible mutilation...
...Dear Congressman Drinan: Hold on, Congressman Drinan...
...Lamentably, he had about the same sense of geography as the editors of your paper, so he sent it to the Manchester Union Leader, which returned the letter, suspecting that the resignation was a hoax...
...I have looked into the disappearance of the Agnew letter, and it is really rather amusing...
...Fields...
...This has led to much speculation in our offices and the consensus of opinion here is that Mr...
...Although Dr...
...Bradlee: I have not heard from you since you wrote me concerning the miseries you were suffering at the hands of your sexually disturbed chiropractor...
...Many have done graduate work and some even have Ph.D.'s...
...This is too crucial an issue for hastily conceived legislation...
...Cordially, Benjamin C. Bradlee Executive Editor Washington Post Dear Mr...
...GWP...
...This is a matter demanding research...
...Box 877, Bloomington, Indiana 47401, Continental U.S.A...
...Dear Dr...
...GWP Dear Dr...
...Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/o The Alternative, P.O...
...A Harvard professor came to me recently in tears because no matter where he goes the authorities hassle him...
...He was seized by the compulsion to steal it and leak it to a midwestern newspaper, so convinced was he that mid-westerners are being denied vital information regarding governmental perfidies...
...Plunkitt: We have just received some very disturbing intelligence regarding Spiro Agnew'ssupposed letter of resignation...
...it is time to pass some legislation to safeguard the rights of nude sunbathers...
...Agnew is not Vice President...
...Before the archivist could send it to the Chicago Tribune one of my agents restrained him...
...That is the Gospel truth, so help me...
...In my opinion this is going too far...
...Plunkitt expects to earn ten million dollars from sales of his new book, he has agreed to continue to advise public figures through this column...
...Knowing your wonderful sense of humor, I am certain you will relish it...
...Nude sun-bathing is a natural and essentially open mode of life-giving communication...
...I suggest that you get together with some of your colleagues and go down to Fire Island or some other nice resort area and get the lowdown on nude sun-bathing for yourself...
...A spokesman for the State Department claims that the letter, which by law had to be handed over to the Secretary of State by the resigning Vice President, has disappeared...
...Those who participate in it are more intelligent than the average American...
...He is still the Vice President, and the rich and the powerful are still pulling the strings behind the scenes of American politics...
...Plunkitt: Both as a Congressperson and as a simple human being, I have been concerned by the recent outbreak of police harassment of nude sun-bathers...
...It was then transferred to the National Archives, but there it fell into the hands of a reclusive archivist whose sole contact with the outside world is your newspaper...
...Cordially, Father Robert Drinan, M.C...
...I trust the matter was resolved decorously...
...Further, this hysterical response is reminiscent of the know-nothingism of the 1950s...
...They are more creative and warmer persons...
...You might even consider a constitutional amendment before this sunning issue tears our society apart...
...Plunkitt's book is about the importance of altruism in politics and it is titled What's in It for Me...
...If the Constitution means nothing else it means that people should be free to worship God in the Church of their choice...
...Agnew never really resigned...
...Rest assured Mr...
Vol. 8 • January 1975 • No. 4
