The Continuing Crisis
The Continuing Crisis - THE AUTHOR OF this punctiliously authenticated historical record would like to take this opportunity to thank our Heavenly Prankster for the lush imbecilities bestowed on us...
...Gus Hall, the head of the controversial Communist Party, USA, informs us that the CIA has been active in the cultural life of Moscow, where it has been up to no good...
...They will now receive $25,840 for office expenses, a useful sum for men like Representative Charles E. Wiggins (D.–Calif...
...You outdid yourself,Old Boy...
...In Zaire an accommodation has been reached whereby pygmies will continue to serve in the civil service, but those who do must discontinue using their traditional hair dressing, a kind of organic pomade which had caused friction between pygmy civil servants and civil servants from other tribes...
...Eduardo (The Argentine Fire Cracker) Battistella, became ill...
...And just when it seemed the airline highjacking problem had been solved a new kind of hijacking was initiated in New York, where a black man, calling himself "Black Samson" and wearing black boots with pink polka dots, highjacked a fully loaded garbage truck...
...The great inflation fight continues in Washington where Congress resisted Mr...
...now it has been revealed by Human Events that Mr...
...Robert Shirley and Miss Linda Ravencourt were married at the Utica Zoo...
...Glorious Chad is going ahead with its Cultural Revolution, despite embarrassment caused by several quitters who, upon being sewn up in official tomtoms and tortured for three weeks, died...
...who says that he uses this fund "for paying taxes...
...The Continuing Crisis THE AUTHOR OF this punctiliously authenticated historical record would like to take this opportunity to thank our Heavenly Prankster for the lush imbecilities bestowed on us this month...
...Information is still sketchy, but it seems that the treacherous ex-president was being wheeled out of the hospital by a huge brute 'of a nurse when he spied Dr...
...Naturally Mr...
...Senator Edward Kennedy announced his adamant disinterest in the 1976 presidential race, and his wife was arrested for drunken driving...
...Not twenty-four hours after the editor of the Wall Street Journal wryly inquired as to what manner of man would "go around nailing up posters bragging about his character and integrity," the Prophet of Greenwich Village, wide-eyed Ramsey Clark, popped up with an armful of posters apparently written by his mother...
...Swimming the Hudson River, it seems, is one of the few criminal offenses left in New York...
...Last June the junior senator from South Dakota harangued the Senate in what he considered a major foreign policy pronunciamento, while the majority of assembled eminences snoozed or gently lofted paper airplanes his way...
...Castro's] anti-American tone was, it was I think the shortest anti-American speech given...
...Boston continued to be the scene of racial disorder as whites from South Boston waxed militant over that city's enlightened busing plans...
...In the ensuing confusion police mistook the distinguished lawmaker's limousine for a car full of drunks and forced it to the curb...
...Hall put it, "One would have to be totally naive indeed not to see the fine hand of the CIA in this affair...
...And then there is the near voluptuous contretemps of Senator James S. Abourezk, of late a specialist in ethics, morality, and other useful devices...
...Castro chose to deliver the most anti-American address heard through those palmy parts in five years...
...I think he was personally embarrassed that we should have been in his country on that date...
...The program of cultural rejuvenation had been objected to by Chad's tiny clique of elites —mostly European-educated doctors, professors, government officials, and bankers—who were not accustomed to wearing loincloths and living under the authority of an official initiator who exacts total obedience while his charges disport in the great out-of-doors...
...In Montgomery, Alabama three heavily armed black men attired in white robes took over WAPX, a Negro radio station, commandeered the microphone, issued a call to revolution, and announced, "This ain't no movie...
...Nixon left a Long Beach, California hospital where he had been treated for phlebitis and a blood clot on the lung, amid Associated Press reports that he had bullied Dr...
...and Jacob Javits (R.–N.Y...
...A Gallup poll showed Governer George Wallace to be the most popular possible Democratic nominee for the presidency, and, while a congressional committee investigated campaign financing of American elections, much was revealed about campaign financing of Chilean elections...
...President Ngarta Tombalbaye has assured the citizenry—ninety percent of whom are illiterate —that all Chadian males will take part in the traditional Yondo initiation, an advanced program under which all males are marched into the bush for forty-five days of stimulating beatings, burnings, scarrings, sexual indignities, druggings, mock burials, and assorted acts of humiliation...
...Mills had no trouble explaining his difficulty to park police, but Mrs...
...2 The Alternative: An American Spectator December 1974...
...But their claim that the Cultural Revolution is disturbing the country by closing down the university, banks, airlines, government offices, and telephone communication to the outside world for two months per year has been recognized by President Tombalbaye for the feeble alibi that it is...
...At any rate such tomfoolery was of a piece with one of the most deliciously ludicrous months ever chronicled in this scholarly report...
...And by the end of the month the Eastern press seemed to be telling Americans that the man whom it has for years extolled as the Republicans' choicest presidential candidate is actually unworthy even to be vice president, and so it goes in America and Africa...
...Hall, the CIA actually "staged" that disruptive modern art exhibition that endangered the lives of millions of Muscovites until it was finally dispersed by a phalanx of bulldozers and dump trucks, which fortunately were in the area...
...It seems the CIA has been active in the political life of that country, and now Mr...
...Thank God the fourth estate was on the scene...
...on October 8th, House Ways and Means Chairman Wilbur Mills was showing several foreign guests the beauties of our lovely capital when one of his guests, Mrs...
...Think of it, the moral energies of the Empire State, produced and directed by a sophomore from Dallas, Texas...
...began their goodwill tour of Cuba on September 29th, a day Dr...
...As the thoughtful Mr...
...Africa remains the showcase of democracy and enlightenment for the world...
...Ford's proposal for a three-month delay in Federal pay increases, overrode his veto of a railroad retirement bill, and then, just before taking an election break, this patriotic Congress dealt the death blow to "America's number one public enemy...
...Of such incidents are Woodwards and Bernsteins hatched...
...Battistella was borne off to an insane asylum...
...Robert Toumajian, a hitherto little-known Armenian doctor...
...For several days the American solons toured fish markets, mule farms, and other backwaters, but the rich merriment of the affair did not end until the two held a madcap press conference back in the States during which Senator Pell broke up the press corps with this beauty: "As far as his (Dr...
...Two New York City cab drivers challenged each other to a late-night swimming race across the Hudson River and survived, much to the astonishment of the medical world and of the police, who promptly clapped them into the calaboose...
...At 2 A.M...
...According to Mr...
...On October 18th, without debate, behind closed doors and without a vote, these doughty representatives of the people increased their incomes by $9,280...
...Racial violence continues to plague the United States...
...Abourezk's elocutions were plagiarized almost verbatim from an old issue of Commonweal, which is either a catholic magazine written for atheists or an atheist magazine written for morons...
...Toumajian and suggested he "open an Armenian restaurant," a cruel indignity recognized by the proud physician for the bigoted "condescension" that it was...
...After terrorizing the BedfordStuyvesant section of Gotham for hours, he rammed a Transit Authority bus and stuffed several bags of refuse into a parked police vehicle...
...In upstate New York, Mr...
...And back in the United States, the pollution crisis may be subsiding a bit...
...Nevertheless the most remarkable news of all continued to come from Washington where the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA), the federal authority in charge of policing safety standards for factories and office buildings, was found guilty of over three hundred violations of its own code...
...So it may be an intense, virulent speech, but it was short...
...Finally the free and prosperous citizens of Communist Cuba got an opportunity to see why the average Yankee always has a smile on his face, when Senators Claiborne Pell (D.–R.I...
...Its natural ingredients, mostly clay and animal manure, tended to decompose When worn indoors, disrupting office work and staining government documents...
Vol. 8 • December 1974 • No. 3
