The Bootblack Stand
Plunkitt, George Washington
"The Bootblack Stand" Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, is celebrating the publication of his new book, which is now available at avant-garde bookstores throughout New Jersey. Dr....
...After all,the real mystery is not who the Unknown Soldier is but why he has not said boo since his return five decades ago...
...I am an amateur gardener and I would love to spend my last phase ministering to my periwinkles, my lichens, and some imported truffles which Willy Brandt sent me...
...Plunkitt: During our heroic singlehanded campaign to crack the sinister Watergate Conspiracy we became aware of the fact that Governmental Secrecy is all around us even when we take a nice warm bath...
...On behalf of the People of the United States we will rip the lid off one of the most closely guarded secrets in government history...
...No one knows...
...If I put all of this down in my autobiography they will be saying I sound like a jackass...
...Get to it...
...It never bothered you in the past and it does not seem to bother many of your colleagues today...
...You can title it A Schizophrenic Goes to Washington or The Arrogance of Amnesia or The Senator and the Full Moon...
...Doesn't the Unknown Soldier ever take in a movie or go for a ride in the country...
...I am such a complicated man that there is a possibility that simpler souls might see contradictions in my career which they would cite to embarrass me...
...Dear Dr...
...I became a dove and an opponent of international intervention...
...Regarding your autobiography, if you try to expurgate contradictions from your past you will be cutting so much that your proposed autobiography will have to be published as a pamphlet...
...Then in 1964 I introduced the Tonkin Resolution but soon thereafter I began my speeches against a powerful presidency...
...For instance I attacked Senator Goldwater for hawkishness and for wanting to debilitate the presidency...
...Cordially, Senator J. W. Fu!bright Dear Senator Fulbright: I am surprised to see you so concerned about sounding like a jackass...
...So publish the truth, contradictions and all...
...Plunkitt's book is about the importance of altruism in politics and it is entitled What's in It for Me...
...That is all I can tell you...
...There are some things the government won't tell even when you ask them very nicely...
...MVP...
...What should I do...
...You see, beginning in 1943 when I introduced a Congressional resolution encouraging the establishment of a powerful world-governing organization and extending into the 1960s, I was an outspoken champion of what by hindsight appear to be cold warring, presidential usurpation and U.S...
...And why does the government insist on that military guard...
...intervention into the affairs of foreign governments...
...GWP Dear Dr...
...Where should we go from here...
...Get the ACLU into the act...
...But I think you are going about it all wrong...
...To do this we will need a few leaks...
...Box 877, 102 West Sixth Street, Bloomington, Indiana 47401, Continental U.S.A...
...Although Dr...
...We intend to reveal the identity of the Unknown Soldier, heretofore known as Unknown and not even allowed Veterans' benefits...
...Plunkitt expects to earn ten million dollars from sales of his new book, he has agreed to continue to advise public figures through this column...
...What have they got to hide...
...Maybe I could write two autobiographies and sign one anonymous...
...Our editors at The Washington Post have given us the green light to wage war on the Government's Vast Network of Secrets, starting with some of their oldest and darkest arcana...
...There is something eerie about a man who returns from Europe, is holed up in that peculiar little structure and doesn't even ask about his Veterans' benefits...
...Plunkitt: If the people of America do not protest too greatly, I intend to go into retirement this winter after four decades in politics...
...Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/o The Alternative, P.O...
...What a service you will perform...
...Start-asking a few questions down in the shower room of the Washington YMCA...
...Also Iwant to write my autobiography, and therein lies the sticky wicket...
...I can't believe intelligent people can really see these enlightened actions as inconsistent but they do...
...Bravely but Duty-Bound, Carl Bernstein and Robert Woodward Dear Gentlemen: A capital suggestion...
Vol. 8 • October 1974 • No. 1
