Editorial
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
Editorial Hard Times for Endangered Species T ODAY AN URGENT missive bestirred the stillness of this distinguished editorial sanctum. It seems that one of those Pecksniffi~." cliques, which...
...The last time we endeavored to secure the blessings of liberty for ~liabitants of a foreign country we were denounced as interlopers, warmongers and desperadoes of the mest unglamorons sort...
...IneidentaHy our June issue might just he the tastiest ever, featuring artieles by William F. Bacldey, Jr., Bartley, Nathan Glazer and the usual gang d boo...
...Still, five years ago we heard of them only rarely and no civilized man ever actually saw one in the flesh...
...They turn up at senate hearings, drag their baggage and their squaws uninvited onto army p o ~ , one ex-warrlor ires actually appeared buck naked in a women's nmg...
...Yet my guess is tha~ they would all be m~e sati~ fled today had our government not granted them a reprieve in the first place...
...To Our Readers As mmal your June issue will be last issue of The Alternative September when all the jolly boys wll return from their summer inluruship at the Central Intelligence Kgeaey...
...But are they satisfied...
...Lodk what we have done for the American Indian...
...But the stridency of those who lam~t its passage and the extravagrace of their charges is a more serious matter...
...Seon they will be elbowhg into the spotl~ht of a Berustein cocktail party...
...So we increased their stipends and secured for them vast preserves where they could wander about swilling hooch, chasing gophers and nmkmg blankets...
...What do they know about the intimate affairs of these great birds...
...Now I am a bit suspicious of these furious allegatioos...
...I shall he no more disconsolate when the last monkey-eating eagle assmmm room terr~erature than wh~ tbe last Austrizm Archduke Croaks...
...From the literature received I gather that I am not the only American given to such divertissements Indeed most Americans living today are respor~ible for the hard times of endarngered species, and our only hope for exculpation lies in sending to this high-minded group of animal lovers our cash, checks or money orders...
...The Alternative May 1972 3...
...I doubt it...
...It had to search out an evil source and its author ends up not only hating his fellow citizens, his country and his civilization, but after reading him carefully we see that he has saved his most ardent hatred for himself...
...This is a serious philneophical question, deserving the reflection of highly tuned philosophical minds...
...I have spread superhighways over our forest friends' most magnificent civilizations, sprayed DlYr on defenseless flora, flushed toilets with abandon, broken sound barriers, used soap extravagantly, and gone on numberless trigger4mppy treks through the vanishing wilds, wantonly blasting fauna and playing transistor radios to terrify those too small for my artillery...
...They fuss and fret more obstruperously than ~ Gay Liberation crowd, worried that their great-gramllmrents were bested in the real estate Eamp, hinting menacingly at racism wherever an athletic team has eponymically appropriated a fragment of their cultural memorabilia, and now comes word that one of their wily oM chefs has s~windled the redoubtable publishing works of McGraw-ltill...
...What can we do for ltmm...
...This unnalm'al passion for their furry friends seems to be preceded by an unnatural loathing for their own kind...
...Our Jume issue is but an appetizer for year's Imaquet...
...For instance, ninny species of whales dangle at the tender mercies of mterprisk~ l~,.~ia~ and Japanese...
...The very same population explosion that has mankind in a pother, has conduced to population implosion for the less intellectual of the earth's crew tures...
...Perhaps the birds have come under the spell of an arcane religion and are practicing abstinence or maybe, having been taken in by the charlatans of Women's Lib, the young female eagles are becoming career-minded and simply do not want young...
...Endangered species have been droppiug off since the Ice Ages and before...
...It is something, I assure you, this great journal of intellectual opinion intends to probe in the near future: Why are the promoters of gentleness so quick to ladle out blame...
...According to a recent University of California study, over leo million species of animals have returned to the goo since the w~M began, and archaeologists estimate that endangered species have been exiiting terra at about the rate of fifty per century since this globe opened its doors to life...
...Obviously they are no lenger an endangered species...
...How often I have wondered why it is that the great Immging class, so confident of its proprietary interest in the nation, cannot stand itself...
...In fact Vietnam is still a sore subject with certain academics, and I suspect that more than a few of the militant ~nimal lovers burst capillaries when the issue is discussed...
...If the country is under their stewardship as they assume that it is, their private affliction becomes public...
...Why do they hate their own...
...Today the country verily ~zmnds with noble red men...
...Obviously it will be a perilous ex~-eise to engage American power on behalf of the whales or practically any other endangered species residing in foreign lands...
...Such a state of affairs is very serious, for people who act in this way are manifestly suicide prone...
...cliques, which periodically gathers to do good at the expense of the less sensitive majority, has discovered that the white rhinoceros...
...The Peeksrdffian ultimatum that I received could not content itseff with outlining a melancholy developn~nt brought on by the exigencies of change or by human negligence...
...Of course, there ~ e other protl~_ms with snatch~ endangered species from the abyss...
...Furiously hurling massive thunderbolts of blame at a vast audience o f innocents, those curious persons who adore the orangutan often end up abomnmting their own cmmtry and civilization...
...I doubt there is much we can do about it, and l am not persuaded that it tumid, he prudent or even b~nis to try...
...Indeed this whole question of endangered species appears at first glance to be laden with meretricious significance, for the passage of the spectacled bear is utterly unworthy of a serious person's low whistle or sigh...
...According to the authors of this elegant, fully-illustrated mailing, I have known about the endangered species for years though my conscience has not given me the slightest pinch...
...In warm weather I bastinado baby seals and when the elements turn against me I head south to molest the gentle sea cow...
...For one thing, it is with deep and inflexible dubiety that I observe the Pecksniffs' claim, that, for instance, DDT has driven the bald eagle to impotency, frigidity or worse...
...R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr...
...Some years ago these noble bipeds were hanging on by a thread...
...Whatever the ease, DlYr probably does more good than harm...
...Guilt provides the fuel ~ ~ i r invidious ener~es...
...Lest you miss a .simgle issue this fall may we suggest yea renew your subseription now...
...It vexes me not at all...
...Consider those beyond our sus~a~nty...
...For New Yorkers, congestion may be an annoyance, but for the whooping crane it has meant only disaster and loneliness, and according to the missive received today the blame rests squarely with you and me and the tragic course of Western CiviliT~tion...
...ugh they might have been in greater abundance than the North Amerk~m bison, their prospects were no brighter...
...So what...
...the lowland gorilla, the snow leopard, the monkeyeating eagle, the spectacled bear, the coppery-tailed trogon, the Arabian oryx, the okapi, the orangutan and the Pere David deer all share a common predicament with Chiang Kai-shek and the Galapagos tortoise--their prospects are not encouraging...
...If yon will have a different address h the fall, please let us know by usiug the Change of Address form wbida is foaml on page two...
...Progress in the healing arts has been a blessing for the Homo sapiens but a cruel bane for the prairie chicken...
Vol. 5 • May 1972 • No. 8
