The Asmodeus Letters
Avey, John
THE ALTERNATIFE November, 1971 The Asmodeus Letters John Avey ( w i t h Apologies to C.S. Lewis) C.S. Lewis, the late Cambridge don, wrote lucid, witty prose de[ending the...
...He 6 The A l t e r n a t i v e November, 1971 has a good mind, he is well-read, he knows what he wants to do professionally ~choosing a would-be television newsman is proof of ~'our professional shrewdness...
...THE ALTERNATIFE November, 1971 The Asmodeus Letters John Avey ( w i t h Apologies to C.S...
...I am as aware as the next demon that good public relations gimmicks are hard to come by...
...Your choice is perfect...
...Oh, I know there were those who said your letters (how did you manage to leak them so unobtrusively...
...I know you are aware of this Lack, but many are not...
...Use this sub~-npuon blank to fred out...
...What your subject reported was true - - admittedly it wasn't all of the truth on the matter...
...Let him remain in an interesting, well-paid, glamorous profession, but let him never forget that he should be doing more to help his fellow man.'" Now, the rest is up to him...
...But now, just now, at this moment in his career, it is quite essential for him to believe that he is not only a reporter of the news but in some sense an equal of these glamorous folk who make the news...
...Cordially, Asmodeus President Democratic Demons Republic of Hades My Dear Screwtape: How very typical of you to show the kindness to ask my opinions on just what should be done to make better use of media types...
...After a few words about the sacred rightto-know, he stared straight into the camera and there wasn't a dry eye in any home in America...
...Indeed, old bean, you had better...
...That's just fine...
...These are sacred words for this sort and help to keep his mind off the fact that his professional and moral +obligation is to tell not .only truth but all of the truth he can lay his hands on...
...For the moment, let us forget that the untaken bribe has led this old man to take a secorld look at his spiritual life, something he hasn't done since a hangover resulting from a minor debauch at the reception given for his sixth daughter's wedding...
...but there is much to be said for the new-fangled methods...
...Only a few years ago, when he was starting out, he would never have dreamed of attending private dinners given by high-ranking government officials...
...but one can easily bribe a well-paid media personality without money - - because he too has pride ! Keep up the splendid work...
...If a politician he does not Iike grants him a half-hour interview and if eight seconds of that interview happen, by accident, to include a coarse remark, cannot the subject convince himself that it is his professional duty to inelude this remark - - even, perhaps, to make it ~the lead...
...and says that what he attempts to be is not objective," but _9 fair...
...Well, one moves with the times, so to speak...
...No, no Screwtape, this will never do...
...One doesn't try for a knockout blow...
...But why should a virtuoso such as yourself go after such run-of-the-flames kind of material...
...As ever, Asmodeus My Dear Serewtape: How perfectly marvelous...
...He will not be so brazen as to attack one politician or puff another...
...All the best, Asmodeus My Dear Screwy: Let me first say how delighted I was to have lunch with you last week...
...One day the Prince of Darkness...
...Let him be content with the fantasy that by telling the truth (but not the whole truth) he is fulfilling a moral obligation...
...Humor can triumph for us where depravity would never gain an inch...
...For one reason or another, we have always been deficient in this area...
...No, jusl give him enough so that he can have the best of both worlds...
...However, let one of his favorites make the same error and your subject will either ignore it or use it in such a way that it makes the politician in question look more human...
...When pressed on this issue, he smiles coyly, admits he is only human (why do they make such a fuss about being human...
...Indeed, by this time Great American Series A cabby looks at Lindsay Mr...
...Best Admodeus My Dear Screwtape: Yoo have sorp~ssed yourself In all candor, any demon worthy of the name could, I imagine, have gotten your subject along this far (he is, after all, rather vain, a quality found quite often in this type), but you have brought him to new depths at the mime time he is patting himself on the back for being such a worthy, moral fellow, a masterstroke indeed ! As I understand it, a politician complained that your subject was unfair to him...
...As Ever, Asmodeus hying Kr~ol and Dankl Bell beGcve social problems...
...I was delighted to learn that your subject is already working as television reporter...
...I just want you to know I saw your subject in a three-minute news clip last night...
...Now that we have him where we want him, what do we do with him...
...Marvelous...
...He is now as often recognized as the famous people he inte_rviews, and his lecture tours are guaranteed success...
...I was part:cularly impressed with your Creative Questioning approach which is perfect for this subject...
...Nice touch, that last...
...one year $7.50 two years $14.00 Name AOdre~ State & City Zip Code...
...He is an honest young man and a decent human being...
...Between the two of us 1 had begun to find that part of it cloying in the extreme...
...when, on the other hand, he likes the guest, his well-researched questions offer the guest a The A l t e r n a t i v e November, 1971 7 great opportunity to make points, as it were, with the audience...
...We have no greater weapon than our subjeel's own hatred of evil...
...I applaud your exquisite timing in the matter of his social life...
...Minister: As you can weP ~imagine, I was surprised - - no, shocket - - by the report of your unfortunate~,failure in basic temptation...
...I knew an old demon could learn new tricks - - and teach a few also...
...It may look I like' a small thing, but it can make quite a difference in a story...
...The way he had the camera come in for a closeup on the victim of whatever it was he was trying to expose(these human problems all look the same Down Here, fuel for the flames)~ eliminating all the complicated historical, social, political, psychological and economic facts that led to the problem, was superb...
...And if the same remark - - word-for-word - - is made by a friendly politician, cannot the same reporter convince himself that it is his professional duty Io ignore this off-hand remark in order to concentrate on the substantive part of the interview...
...Sincerely, Asmodeus My Dear Screwtape: Congratulations...
...A bribe...
...Your subject then replied (on a late-night talk show) that everything he reported was documented, and that if the politician could prove any of it a lie, he would resign...
...But down to business...
...II might be a good natured, but coarse, reference to an ethnic or raeial or religious group...
...Either way he would be doing good," i.e., he would be using his professional tools in order to help political views he agrees with...
...Your subjeet is vain but he is not, as we know, stupid...
...This makes him feel very pleaseft with himself - - and as you know better than most, the soul that is very pleased with itself is equally pleasing to us...
...He is, therelore, not as well known as he shout~ be among Arrt~i~an students since wit, lucidity and orthodoxy are sins that are as unlorgiveable as they are rare in Classrooms, lecture halls and seminars...
...If an enemy of his makes a minor mistake in grammar or history, your subject is quite willing to remind the viewers of it by casually dropping the mistake int}) one of his shows and even more casually letting the viewers know that anyone who could make such a gaffe is, after all, not one of us...
...Make certain that when he sees injustices coming from the ideological or political side he favors that his wrath is put on the back burner...
...And what method did you use...
...between Ihe Iwo of us, you know as well as I do that there are many Down Here (no need to mention names) who are of the opposite persuasion...
...THE PUBLIC INTEREST Box 542 Old Chelsea Post Office New York, N. Y. lO01l Please open the fonowing sub~ription$ to Till PUBLIC |N1EIEsr and bill me...
...And the best part of it all is that in both cases, he can be satisfied that he has done a good, professional job...
...How delightfully he uses his sly, excellent s e n s e of humor" to deflate the views of those political figures he disagrees with, and equally delightful is his use of humor to gloss over failings in his favorites, all in the name of the p u b l i c ' s right to know...
...AS Ever, Asmodeus My Old Friend: How wonderful it was for me to learn of your latest triumphs...
...Our subject is deeply moved by injustice, and I understand he has won prizes for his investigatory reporting...
...LeuC~s what he claims are the spiritual equivalent oF the Pentagon Papers, Attention, Attorney General Mitchell (or should it be Billy Graham...
...I was happy to hear that your subject has become that most delightful (both to us and to him) of media types...
...Now it might seem that he would rush out and do a really hard-hitting piece ~on a political figure whose polities are abhorrent to him...
...You know, you sly old devil, you have won the day) irrevocably convinced that he is concerned with reporting the truth" and that anyone who disagrees with his choice of facts must either be eager to hide the truth or in the pay of the devil...
...People used to smile - - look at them on the streets today...
...My first "suggestion" (how delightful these democratic euphemisms can be...
...The Personality...
...There he sits, calm, knowledgeable, and the very model of impartiality...
...No more of that fiddle-faddle of courtly ritual...
...Lindsay happens to be a very liberal-minded man...
...He has a social conscience...
...And to top it off, to have convinced him that this type of reporting was morally admirable because it got to the heart of the matter (when all it did, after all, was look at one face) was the mark of genius...
...and, most important, he is sincerely and deeply convinced that by being a journalist he can help society...
...And what a wizard he is with his Creative Questions...
...No matter who is being interviewed, your subject's questions are always wellresearched and to the point...
...A temptation not offered is one thing, a temptation that backfires is quite another...
...This is the kind of subject that can test your wits...
...I strongly suggest you distract him by concentrating on his commitments" to truth...
...If he is as smart as you say, he won't need further prompting...
...He has an admirable record -from his point of view and from ours...
...And so he dines regularly with...
...Cordially, Asmodeus Dear Mr...
...Bernard Hirsehbein he may have convinced himself that his professionalism" has somehow or other made him immune to the virus of partisanship that plagues lesser men...
...More and more these days we Down Here are becoming aware of the growing opportunities for missionary work among humans who work in media...
...Spiritual combat is more like ju-jitsu than it is like boxing...
...My dear, dear Screwtape, a bribe...
...If my ideas can be of any help to you, please don't hesitate to use them...
...I'm not quite sure how many years have passed (their time-scheme befuddles me, I must confess), but from what I can gather, he has had experience on local news shows and has now, as they say, hit the big4ime...
...I've known cases where subjects have taken this sort of thing too seriously and have given up all they had to go follow you-know-who...
...Just what century do you think these humans are In...
...At any rate, it now befits me as a "democratic" leader to adopt democratic methods...
...In either case, we use one of his virtues to gain our way...
...would be to begin a pilot project and to give it your personal attention...
...the next, the President of the Democratic Demons Republic of Hades.-As for myself, I :preferred many of the old ways...
...He is vehemently against injustice, hypocrisy, insensitivity and corruption in high places...
...Getting the right kind of subject is half the battle...
...It so happens I do have an idea or two concerning this important area of concern...
...As interesting as all of this is from a professional point of view, much more interesting to me is your continued use of the ju-jitsu principle...
...He will use a more subtle device - - say, The Little Fact that Was or Wasn't There" approach...
...How often have I told younger tempters at seminars that it is precisely a subject virtues that doom him in the end...
...Science fiction lans alre~y know Lewis" classic work in that ~ d , most nOtably Out of the Silent Planet: scholars know his work in medieval literature...
...Screwtape Director of Public Information Democratic Demon's Republic Hades of My Dear Screwtape: No doubt you are surprised to hear from me directly after all these eons...
...Nothing, in my proud opinion, could be further from a lie, as we say...
...What we must do is to set you on the crooked and wide path once more...
...Bribes once were admirable devices to catch journalists, but they now have all of the subtlety (and, I might add, all of the accuracy) of a blunderbuss...
...That way the more he is attacked, the more he will fall back on cliches about a free press and the right to know and will never begin to search his own heart and mind for motives that have nothing to do with freedom of the press...
...ingenuity as a letter-writer and on your excellent reviews in the media...
...But our man -- I will wager - - is too smarI for that...
...And, Screwtape, remember: it isn't how you play the game, it's if you win or lose that counts...
...Lewis, the late Cambridge don, wrote lucid, witty prose de[ending the durrently unorthodox position o I orthodox Christianity...
...He feared tha+ he might he~in to lose his professional objectivity if he began to know these officials on a social, personal basis...
...Let his enemies" be villains to him...
...So congratulations, both on your...
...Superb ! But one must be careful...
...Besides, when one assumes managerial responsibilities, one tends to lose the feel of the thing, as we say...
...tended to make us look like laughing-stocks...
...With very best wishes, Asmodeus Dear S: I'm jotting this off in a hurry because of a rather heavy schedule...
...But, as I say, let that pass...
...But, as you know, I am not cynical, old friend...
...and one which, as you know, earned for you the envy and respect of us all...
...I would strongly suggest that you begin by constantly reminding him of his moral and political obligations...
...I know you are probably licking your wounds at the present moment, but I also know that you can do the job...
...everyone knows his unparalleled and unlorgettable The Serewtape Letters the letters of a senior devil to an apprentice, quite easily one ol the most popular and original religious u~rks ol the twentieth century...
...keep up the bad work...
...Creative Questioning lets him have both fantasies at the same time...
...So why not take some time off from your office chores, find a likely prospect and go to work on him...
...I look forward to your progress reports...
...First, as to a subject...
...I look forward to hearing of how you approach him...
...one uses the opponents own strengths...
...Make certain that he [ashes out at mistakes when they come from the enemy's side ~and, by the way, do make him think of some political figures as enemies" - - it helps us and gives him a pleasant sense of what they call commitment" which has recently replaced good intentions" as primary road-building material~, but make equally certain that he either ignores or makes light of mistakes when flaey come from the side he likes...
...You might consider this a personal request, shall we call it, from me...
...Or he might, on the other hand, go out and do what they call a puff piece" on a political figure' whose opinions he happens to agree with...
...Now it takes no great skill to simply not report such casual comments when they come from someone you agree with - - but to always report them when they come from someone you disagree with...
...As long as he hates evil in only one direction, he will be convinced of his moral superiority and we will be in possession of that most desirable of spiritual commodities: the moralist...
...My congratulations and best of luck...
...In short, he is just what we are looking for...
...Why, for example, you chose to tempt a sixty-five year old police reporter for the Hoboken Daily News is quite beyohd me...
...This town has become a hellhole...
...Have you had any programs in mind in order to help these media-types to do a bit of bad here and there...
...By this time, he has become a media Name and Names are, happily for our purposes, less content with examining themselves and their motives than with +making sure others (chosen by them) are examined, analyzed, dissected or destroyed...
...Your choice is, then, excellent...
...This approach d~mands a judicious sense of editing and, in an advanced ease, may be done unconsciously...
...What we want is not only a soul bul the thrill of the chase, hey Screwy...
...He is quite beyond the stage now when he might have asked himself why anyone should have to rely upon his sense of fairness in order to get the whole story...
...A superb performance...
...If he gets to analyzing the ppliticiaq's complaint, he might see there is a great deal of justice in it...
...It also allows you to use his strengths - - his great professional skills in this case - - to make him ours...
...Make certain that you choose one who wants, more than anything else, to do a good job of reporting and one @ho has a great faith in the responsibility of the media to be fair and objective...
...Since I do not have all the facts before me, I cannot make a final judgment, but I think it fair to say that you were perhaps a bit unwise in your choice of subject and rather rusty when it came to temptation techniques...
...When he is invited to appear on one of those Sunday afternoon panel shows, he is a l his _best...
...Which brings me to the point of this letter...
...Let him convince himself that he is a knight-errant fighting for the true, the good and the beautiful against political monsters of depravity {vho would crush a free press...
...If I were cynical, I rn)ght think my recluest caught you unprepared and that your reply was fulsome...
...Here he is making a good salary, doing a job he likes while others are not cas well of J. Now, one musn'I go too f a r with this particular gambit...
...They do have a r i g h t to know," one gathers, b u t the selective wrath of your subject is not helping them at all in this ease...
...Ah, the delicious irony of it all: one can't bribe a police reporter with money because he has too much pride...
...As I wrote to you, times have changed, an~ we must change with them...
...Oh, I know the old saws about wise delegation of authority and all the rest of it, but when it comes to temptation, there is nothing like the personal touch of an old pro like yourself...
...If he likes the guest, he serves up questions the way a batring practice pitcher serves up his baseballs - - so that one after another can be hit out of the bali park...
...An admirable piece of work, that...
...May I say I told you so...
...He is the kind of man who not only wants others to think he is a good journalist, but wants very much to believe it himself...
...John Avey offers in the spirit ol C.S...
...He is bright enough to grasp the point if he begins to think about it...
...Of course, the politician had no case...
...And only a few years from now, he will no longer care if he is invited for a private dinner party at a certain famous mansion owned by a certain famous family...
...I would be extremely interested The Editor in learning of your plans in this direction...
...You are, if I may say so, looking better than you have in ages (I think the Ice Age was the last time I saw you as fit...
...I think it will do you the world of bad, and I'm certain that getting back to field work will be welcome after all these eons behind a desk...
...But if he doesn't like the guest, he shoots his questions the way an archer shoots arrows - - to maim or kill...
...The only difference is that when he questions someone he does not agree with, the research is used to come up with the most embarrassing questions that can be asked...
...They feel one must concentrate ones efforts on the greedy, the venal, the ignoble, the base, the liars and scoundrels who, happily enough for us, abound in media...
...But make certain he has gaps in his wrath...
...Say he is interviewing a politician and the politician, in an off-hand way, makes a remark that, if made public, eould prove to be embarrassing...
...He has evolved a style all his own, not the least part of which is his ability to use humor well...
...Let me give yon an example...
...Another device along these same lines is the Gaps of Wrath...
...Now, clown to business...
...You have your victim (shall we not be candid...
...Choose one of those bright, young decent graduates of a good graduate communications or journalism school...
...a certain +set," he is seen at famous restaurants with the same crowd" and all the t~une he is convincing himself that it is quite all right because, after all, he can't be -bribed...
...If political figures attack him, he is utterly certain that they want to hide the truth, when what many of them want is the whole truth, all sides of the story...
...He might see that his reports are not helping the public's "right to know" because all the public knows is what he (your subject) is showing them...
...Such musings always help a subject to get into the self-righteous frame of mind we all admire so very much, one wherein the subject c a n ' t conceive of his own failings, so intent is he on +exposing" the alleged viciousness of those he h a s chosen as villains...
...He'll simply do what needs doing...
...I have never congratulated you on the publication of your correspondence with your late, unlamented nephew...
Vol. 5 • November 1971 • No. 2
