The Bootblack Stand: Letters to Plunkitt from Jane Fonda and Godzilla
The Bootblack Stand Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, has just completed a penetrating study of the last Congolese election. Published in August, it focuses on...
...John W. Gardner, LL.B., and former Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare, which he asked me not to publish...
...Peace and Freedom, Jane Fonda Dear Miss Fonda: Unfortunately, I have very little experience in advising on such matters and-to be quite candid-I had never even heard of you before your recent letter to me...
...she studied crocheting at Radcliffe for many years...
...Godzilla: I am very glad to hear from you, for I once spent an evening in New Hope, Pennsylvania with a girl who I believe was a sister of yours...
...11, Box 360, Bloomington, Indiana, 47401, Continental U.S.A...
...Gardner that if he handles the publicity corectly, airming it at the "average American," but dominating it with the Eastern Goo Goo patriciate he would be able to attract every last vestige of Puritanism in the land, every relict from the days of manifest destiny, every Ritualistic Liberal-in short he could include every moral strutter known to man into the swindle...
...Plunkitt has agreed to, through this column, advise American statesmen in this time of troubles...
...Now, the distinguished Dr...
...Plunkitt: Would you please describe a subtle and politic method with which I can dominate the world, without resorting to crude violence...
...A New Demand Response System...
...I suggested he establish a national "citizens lobby," become a national nuisance, and mulct every busybody in the land of fifteen dollars by informing them that this new group would grant them an opportunity to stick their snouts into everybody else's business...
...What do you suggest...
...Published in August, it focuses on the unique position of minority groups in the Congolese electoral process...
...I am a gentleman and a Christian, and do not hold with such shameless behavior-even for the divertissement of men at war...
...Yet, if you insist on traipsing from base to base my profound social conscience enjoins me to inform you that the military demands that such women as you bear certification of proper vaccination and submit to weekly medical examinations...
...Regarding your inquiry about a method by which one can dominate the world without resorting to crude violence, not long ago I received a similar letter from a Mr...
...GWP...
...Since receiving your letter I have made a few inquiries concerning your activity and the military's policy regarding women of your sort coming into contact with soldiers...
...GWP Dear Mr...
...However, some of the pig commanders have been very reluctant to accept my propositions...
...It is titled Escape...
...I told Mr...
...Dear Mr...
...He did and we are doomed...
...Further I should think that you would have the decency to keep your lewd interests concealed and restrain from attempting to promote yourself in the media...
...Love, Godzilla, King of the Monsters Beverly Hills, California Dear Mr...
...Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/ o The Establishment, R.R...
...it can be purchased in all bookstores...
...It disturbs me that you would even ask me for such information...
...Plunkitt: I would like to visit our military bases around the country and entertain the troops...
...I intend to marry your sister...
...I told him to give it an unctuous urgent name like "Common Cause...
Vol. 4 • May 1971 • No. 6
