Editorial I

...should be sent to The Alternative, C/b The Establishment, R R. 11, Box 360, Bloomington, Indiana 47401, Continental U S A CONTENTS George Nathan: Editorial I 2 DcVi Ronen: Editorial II 20 The Continuing Crisis 2 Paul Bernstein: Student Protest in the French Way...

...Union University, Carson-Newman College, and Belmont College announced they would continue their ban on dancing on the campus...

...most preposterous communique to leave Washington since President Warren G. Harding's last love letter to Mrs...

...3 John R. Coyne, Jr.: Berkeley, New Left and Dogs 4 Lawrence D. Pratt: An Unusual College 5 Gary North: Freshman's Guide to Academic Survival...

...An aide for the Senator emphatically denied the reports stating "the Senator was not dancing...

...5 Garry Wills: Porny Vampires 7 William Kristol:The Christmas Gift that Was 7 A Conversation at the University Centers for Rational Alternatives, Part II 8 John L. Kelley: No News Like Agnews 10 John Avey: Liberal v. Conservative 11 Arnie Steinberg: The Journey With Senator Jim .. 12 Buckley Reviews Michael McCollum: Sex Torture-Boards and the Law...

...New York police (continued on page 21) The Continuing Crisis The Alternative January, 1971 19 Letters To the Editor: In a review of Merlo J. Pusey's The Way We (:o to War in Alternative, November, 1970, Mr John L. Kelley refers to the Veterans of Future Wars as "an organization of the 1920's founded by a group of Princeton pacifists...

...Seriously, Bob, I would venture to say that you have pieced together the finest journal of student opinion found anywhere within the confines of this imperfect, yea redeemable, natural order...

...Scranton prosecuted as a common nuisance...

...And this is where our presidential commissions depart from their prototype, Marceau For the audience that pays to see Marceau expects to be deceived while in the audience paying for a presidential commission only the shrewdest commissionwatcher anticipates fraud...

...Yours in Heresy, Bob Moffit To the Editor: I just read your November issue and want to thank you for the splendid job you seem to be doing Your point of view is little heralded in America today (for it seems the press is more eager to write about violence), but if calm is to return and progress to continue it is people who think as you who will prove crucial...

...On 2 December the Carnegie Commission reported that universities containing fifty-six percent of the student population were headed for serious financial difficulty, and Northwestern University's survey found 1971 graduates would have more difficulty finding jobs than in years past...

...Unfortunately, some of our contemporaries were no more perceptive than Mr...

...A similar effect is conjured by the presidential commission but with grave differences...

...Carrie Phillips...

...Kelley's information, the Veterans of Future Wars was founded as a protest against the bad habit that the Veterans of World War I had contracted of mounting campaigns for more and larger bonuses...

...On 5 December the front page of the New York Times reported that Mildred Harmon's husband had been killed in a boating accident and that it was her decision to have him cremated There were 85,683 cremations in this country last year, the Times reported...

...One dozen bomb threats hit Boston College in two weeks Northeastern University experienced thirty-five in one day, but Boston University outdistanced them all with forty Senator McGovern promised to "study the possibility" of introducing legislation outlawing FBI agents on campus Students at Eastern Washington State College established the American record in the four lip kiss, performing for twelve hours flat...

...Thus all the idiots who believe in the authority of presidential reports have come away from the Scranton Report smacking their chops, satisfied that the federal government cares for them...

...Unresponsive" souls, such as I, after a reflection upon the day's idiocies will most often succumb to a nausea sure to disturb a night of studious endeavors Well, I used to rely on Pepto Bismal But that doesn't work anymore So, upon returning to my humble abode, financed by poor but honest me, I reach for the antacids on my shelf and sinfully indulge id the heresies of the latest Alternative...

...All agreed that higher education was skirting depression...

...Featuring a narrative that is the most arresting since Rabelais, it advocates a squirt of ether for every sort of lame brain...

...It gorges the busybodies' appetite for unction and magic by demanding the President exert "moral leadership" and devote several days every week to ministering to Americans much like the village shaman ministered to his cretinous aborigines...

...The Report contains two intelligent chapters, five imbecilic chapters and a garbage heap of conclusions which compose the...

...I am sure that we members of the Class of 1936 at Princeton, many of whom were charter members of the organization, would be somewhat surprised to hear that we were pacifists For Mr...

...I now have their conclusions before me, and you will be relieved to hear that I intend to have the Rt...

...The prevailing economic system demands discipline and self-denial from a man during his productive hours and wanton materialism when he leaves the office or plant at night...

...Kelley's whole point of view, therefore, becomes somewhat suspect since one cannot help wondering if his logic and reasoning are no better than his research...

...Their diplomatic mission was organized by a group calling itself the National Student'Association (American...

...A vague uneasiness warms the air...

...For while M. Marceau's masterful bamboozlements originate from an aesthetic heart endeavoring to entertain, the typical campus commissioner has the spirit of a Machiavellian endeavoring to yoke Lamentably the American people, who possess unparalleled wealth and live in unapproachable freedom, have divested themselves of any satisfying conception of virtue...

...14 John Avey on The Kumquat Statement 14 Wick Allison on Push Conies to Shove 15 R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr...

...The serialized appearance of Mr...

...Nathan 19 Pusey and Elizabeth Taylor Brayings from the Left by Assorted Jackasses 23 Editorial I Scranton and the "New Kultur" As you can well imagine this famed journal of student opinion has, since publication of the Scranton Commission's Report on Campus Unrest, been besieged by editorialists and statesmen thirsting for the New Generation's verdict on that historic document After enjoining a team of brilliantly idealistic young researchers (average age: thirteen years, age range: seven months to ninety-three years) to analyze that three hundred-page document for the past three months...

...Student body presidents from fifteen universities emplaned for Hanoi to negotiate what they termed a "peoples' peace...

...the society is bored, its culture jejune and its politics in need of engaging the citizenry's antsy attentions or anaesthetizing its longings Viewed from this perspective the Scranton Commission is an unforgettable performance...

...Khrushchev's "memoirs" continued to ruffle feathers, this time those of the Kennedys, as Khrushchev presented his rendering of the Cuban Missile Crisis...

...on The Politics of Unreason .. 17 Jerry Gerde: Help Our Republic 17 The Bootblack Stand: Letters to Plunkitt from Senators Young and McGovern 18 Letters: from Ed Williams, Bob Moffit...

...Andrew Hopkins Ann Arbor, Michigan Editorials (continued from page 2 ) Further I suggest that it be widely distributed as a calculable remedy for insomnia and melancholy, It is that good I Now the presidential commission, though a prodigiously useful device for governing Americans, is not the creation of Yankee ingenuity...

...Andrew Hopkins, Hon...

...One group fusses about, hectoring the majority for its "immoral" public policy, while personally adhering to a moral code that would elicit despair from an occasionally principled alley cat And the majority schizophrenically presumes itself morally unassailable, while articulating no moral vision at all...

...Further I urge that the rest of the disgusting nitwits who aided and abetted him while serving as fellow commissioners be prosecuted' for graft...

...Publisher, Anthony L. Campaigne of the Saturday Evening Club Managing Editor, Baron Von Kannon Circulation Manager, Ronald E. Burr Senior Editors, William Kristol John Kelley o Rev...

...The first annual Erotic Film Festival opened in San Francisco, and the Carnegie Foundation Commission on Higher Education recommended that study for a bachelor's degree be reduced to three years Towards the end of November prospects for peace were even more vicissitudinous than at the month's beginning...

...On 20 December Mr...

...A bomb destroyed the University of Kansas' computer...

...And it soothes the mob by assuring that the idealistic youths who bomb university and government buildings are "criminals...

...Kelley's "pacifists," however inaccurate, is mild And, of course, we were the men who, a few short years later, enlisted in overwhelming numbers in all branches of the armed services...

...The McGill Manufacturing Company Supports The Alternative Approach to a Better America Valparaiso, Indiana SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY OFFER "...but Greta...for my ancient title, my 10,000 serfs, and my subscription to The Alternative...

...The European press reported that while in France for DeGaulle's interment, Senator Edward Kennedy was seen dancing with a European princess until five o'clock in the morning...

...On 20 November American bombers penetrated deeper into North Vietnam than in many months, and the President authorized a fruitless raid twenty-three miles outside of suburban Hanoi to free American prisoners of war Nevertheless diplomatic activity stepped up in Paris, and the National Research Council of Canada announced on 23 November that it had developed a cannon which fires not shells but dead chickens...

...Kelley, and collegians at campuses all over the country who had joined the organization were branded with epithets among which Mr...

...Douglas E. Kneeland reported on the New York Times' front page that "campuses were quiet but not content...

...George Nathan Associates, Jameson G. Campaigne, Jr...

...John R. Coyne, Jr...

...Henry B. Gonzolas...

...Cool, refreshing, crisp and clear, one doesn't have to trade an upset stomach for a headache Slightly relieved, I can then return to a behavioural analysis of the fascist brutalities inherent in our capitalist system...

...Derived from the French version of government, the prototype for the American presidential commission was brought to these shores by the gifted Monsier Marcel Marceau--a French mime, who, before adoring audiences on specially prepared stages, creates from shadows and gesticulations the most wonderful world of fantasy...

...And if we cannot find a public spirited hangman let the authorities deport these scoundrels to Northern Ireland or a pleasantly contaminated atomic test site...

...Now, for the first time, this great journal of opinion will send a one-year subscription to any student or faculty member for the reasonable price of fifty cents All others unfortunately still must pay four dollars-at least until our CIA grant slips through Name Street City State Zip Student or faculty [1 (50 ) Other O ($4 00) Institution...

...It is probably useless to argue the difference between our participation in World War II and the current fiasco, but if being a pacifist means to object to the insane course we are now following in Southeast Asia, I shall be as proud a pacifist as I was a soldier Sincerely, Edward M Williams To the Editor: Climbing out of the sewers of academe after a long day of absorbing the "relevant" pollutants and rapping with the "kids" is quite an ordeal...

...The humor, sharp and satirical, is far superior to anything I have seen published by the student Left So, keep sending your irreverent dissent out here to unreconstructed Arizona Keep doing your part to keep the "kids" morally outraged...

...The whole thing is so marvelously moronic that it would be unsporting of me not to smile on it, and I suggest that future generations read it so as to capture the joy of life under America's Post-Liberal Patriciate (continued on page 19) On 9 November Charles DeGaulle, the founder of modern France, assumed room temperature...

...Yet this is not to imply that society should punish these "criminals" Surely that is no answer Rather society should understand them...

...The result has been unendurable boredom, and practically the entire nation is itching with restlessness...

...We had hoped, through the use of satire, to make the situation so laughable as to create some public sentiment against treasury raids by every pressure group that came along I am sure that Alternative would consider this a commendable aim...

...o Jefferson Davis C. H. Simonds o Roger D. Tyrrell Contributors, John Avey o Paul Bernstein Bonnie Bird 0 Bill Bowman DDavid Friedman Jerry GerdeD, Mary Beth Haag D Terry Krieger Michael McCollumD John Moscow 0 Gary North John Marcuse Sundt 0 David Tudor Sir Arthur Wellesley 0 Timothy Wheeler Alien Contributors, Kevin Berry o Miss Mathews Alan Somers, M.D...

...0 Richard Butkus Special Effects, Bill Fullbright 0 Frank Brunell George McGovern o Kempy Murton Art, Eric Lohnaas o Sharon E. Rogers Sandy Weeder The Alternative was founded in 1924 by George Nathan and Truman Newberry over a cheap domestic beer in McSorley's Old Ale House Originally published on restroom walls, only since 1967 has it come under purview of the Saturday Evening Club which publishes if from September through June Subscriptions cost $4.00, and all correspondence (manuscripts, subscriptions, threatening letters, federal grants, etc...