THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrrell, R.Emmett Jr.
THe conTInuInG cRIsIs
R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr.
august witnessed the Democratic National Convention transform itself from the usual extended session of group therapy to a religious awakening....
...So there you have it...
...It was interpreted as more of a physical thing...
...Is it something way up there on the stepladder, Mr...
...Finally, worries that terrorists have weaponized mushroom soup were allayed after investigators for Ryanair determined that a passenger’s violent reaction to the mushroom soup that spilled out of an overhead locker on a Ryanair flight from Budapest to Dublin was dangerous only to him...
...actually Miss Maddow and her friend may not even be staying in the United States for long...
...In 2005 progressives in the Bosnian city of Mostar endeavored to ward off violence by erecting a bronze statue of the kung fu movie star Bruce Lee...
...Finally, the day before the Denver convention commenced, four tornados touched down southwest of the city, and the Prophet raised not a hand against them...
...The only recorded miracle that the Prophet worked during the convention occurred on opening night, when a satellite hookup between the candidate and the faithful in the convention hall showed that he was in Kansas City, though he rumbled, “Hi, I’m here with the Girardeau family in St...
...Moreover, she has a very presentable husband even if, as the ever helpful New York Times reported, he received a DUI 22 years ago...
...The convention 8 THe aMeRIcan sPecTaToR ocTobeR 2008 ended with a mass movement of Democrats and even members of the godless media headed toward a spiritual awakening...
...Howard Kurtz, who called her “a breakout star,” to the Maoist Nation, which chirped, “Maddow didn’t get here by bluster and bravado but with a combination of crisp thinking and galumphing good cheer...
...Miss Maddow has attracted accolades from media critics across the spectrum: from the Washington Post’s Mr...
...On the day after the Prophet’s official nomination, Sen...
...John McCain seemed to be creeping up...
...How, incidentally, do we know that the toothbrush was invented in remote Mount Isa...
...Prime Minister Vladimir Putin insisted that the assault was in truth a peacekeeping measure to save scenic South Ossetia from the Georgian brutes, but students of geopolitics speculate that the action was really meant to pressure former Soviet Bloc countries to remain in the Russian orbit...
...Even the party’s many Unitarians and yogis felt a supernatural goosing...
...An old Arkansas joke that, but it bears repeating, and Mayor Moloney’s hick town brings it to mind...
...John Moloney, Mount Isa is a town for “ugly ducklings to flourish into beautiful swans...
...Now, no one is saying that nuns can’t be beautiful, but I was thinking about something more complete...
...Presumably he wears deodorant and waxes his legs, for he sounds like a serious chap...
...In point of fact, leading up to the convention Democrats were mildly apprehensive that— just as the Clintons had warned—the nominee was a greenhorn ass...
...More good news on the Global warming front—nudism’s popularity continues to spread, at least south of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and in non-Muslim purlieus...
...THe conTInuInG cRIsIs R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr...
...Nick Male, a ravishing 37-year-old, has informed the press that “I work more now than when I left my clothes on...
...And one other thing—those ritualistic liberals who at the end of the Cold War asseverated that Russia had been a paper tiger all along were again exposed as boobies...
...Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska and former mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, to be R. eMMeTT TyRRell, JR...
...But hypocrisy is not unknown among American leftists or progressives or latter-day saints or whatever the hell they call themselves...
...He called on the “beauty-disadvantaged” to head south and avail themselves to the town’s plastic surgeon and famed practitioner of cosmetic dentistry...
...Antonio Rungi, has canceled his planned beauty contest for nuns, which he billed as the world’s first beauty contest for women of the cloth...
...Actually, if things go the way attendees at the Democratic Convention anticipate, the United Nations will be able to withdraw UN peacekeepers everywhere and leave in their place statues of the Prophet Obama, hand held out in warning, mouth wide open, milk and honey flowing from his pantaloons...
...In Katmandu, Nepal, Maoist female lawmakers canceled that country’s beauty contest...
...All were turning to Sen...
...MSNBC, the cable news channel for the Angry Left and people with a twitch, has found its replacement for Mr...
...So airline passengers can take their soup with them, albeit in tiny bottles...
...She is a former beauty queen, an NRA member, and the mother of five...
...Barack H. Obama, the party’s presidential nominee, for salvation and an occasional act of healing...
...Precisely what the More good news on the Global Warming front—nudism’s popularity continues to spread, at least south of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and in non-Muslim purlieus...
...Frankly, after all these years one would have thought that gaybashing would be beneath the Nation’s humorists...
...Now, in August, hundreds of reggae fans in the former Yugoslavian city of Banatski Sokolac have unveiled a handsome Bob Marley statue to oppose Russian aggression or any other inconvenience...
...The democratic convention began on August 25 with its usual reminders of the widespread suffering prevailing throughout America, save on the country’s Republican-dominated golf courses...
...ocTobeR 2008 THe aMeRIcan sPecTaToR 9...
...On August 8, Russia invaded Georgia with a massive military strike...
...He was in two places at once...
...Louis...
...Already there are signs that recent Russian belligerence has triggered vigorous countermeasures from liberal-minded internationalists in the region...
...Throughout the Balkans, statues of American pop figures are being put up as “good luck charms against war,” according to Bloomberg News...
...I don’t do titillation and soon get rid of people looking for that,” he insists while remaining coy about precisely what “titillation” might be...
...In the small Italian town of Mondragone, a Roman Catholic priest, Fr...
...The mayor of Mount Isa, Queensland, Australia, has urged women of a certain sort to migrate to his remote town in the antipodean outback...
...Last year people in the Serbian city of Zitiste heaved up a muscular statue of the Sylvester Stallone movie character Rocky as a safeguard against war and bad juju...
...In the United Kingdom, an enterprising Lincolnshire naturist has announced Britain’s first nude interior decorating service...
...This crisis is over...
...Male...
...his running mate...
...Said the plainspoken mayor, Mr...
...Because if it were invented elsewhere it would be called the teethbrush...
...Francis of Assisi outfit...
...ex-bloggers who serve as Nation editorialists mean by “galumphing” remains obscure, though it could be a reference to the fact that Miss Maddow lives with her lesbian girlfriend, the J. Fred Muggs look-alike Miss Susan Mikula, in Manhattan and Northampton, Massachusetts...
...Rungi did not elaborate...
...Air America remains unknown in locales like Wasilla, Alaska...
...Her executive experience outpaces the Prophet’s four years to zero...
...The wretch is one of a statistically insignificant number of people allergic to mushroom soup...
...His poll numbers were flat for most of the month...
...Not even the New York Times editorial page tried to explain it in earthly terms...
...How persuasive this Russian aggression will be remains uncertain...
...McCain tapped Mrs...
...Tucker Carlson, the mini-con whom the network abandoned earlier this year...
...The cancellation came after his superiors threatened to box his ears, theologically speaking...
...Carlson, after dutifully following management’s orders—discarding his bow tie, appearing in Bermuda shorts, wearing a propeller beanie on his late, late, late night show—has been replaced by an Air America radio host, Miss Rachel Maddow, who has overcome adenoidal disorders and mad cow disease to lift left-wing Air America’s ratings from naught to negligible all over urban America...
...Though who knows what is worn beneath those sultry burkhas and under a fat mullah’s St...
Vol. 41 • October 2008 • No. 8
