THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
October is gone but Bruno is back! Bruno, the bulky, tough-talking, longtime wife of Boy Clinton, emerged from beneath her halo late in the month after rivals for the Democratic presidential...
...Vincent DeDomenico, coinventor of Rice-A-Roni, the delicacy known in the 1960s as “The San Francisco Treat” before that city’s lewd reputation left the jingle subject to snickers...
...Come on, come over here and make me, I dare you...
...Apparently, as part of the government’s effort to improve conditions among incarcerated enemy combatants, the Central Intelligence Agency has introduced waterboarding into their prisons and even loud rap music...
...Responding to charges that she was being “secretive” in withholding the Clintons’ presidential papers, the embattled Bruno told listeners on Radio Iowa: “I think it’s like people think we have boxes of records in our basement and why don’t I just go and get them and hand them over...
...I was brushing my teeth,” the woman explained, “my husband accidentally pushed me and the toothbrush in my hand broke”—doubtless along with a couple of her ribs and possibly the nearby wall...
...Impaired since early adolescence by bushy nose hair, Mr...
...Robert Goulet, the Broadway singer raised in Canada whose many adulatory obituaries somehow overlooked his colossal botching of the “Star-Spangled Banner” before the May 25, 1965 Sonny Liston-Muhammad Ali fight...
...Other reforms might be attempted...
...Last month this column joshed, “There is notaChinese restaurant in the country that has not been tapped [by the Clinton campaign...
...I didn’t realize they were only to look at,” said Mr...
...Ernesto “Che” Guevara was celebrated in Cuba and at the University of California at Berkeley...
...al-Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his bellicose statements about Global Warming...
...Waxman’s heavyhanded investigations...
...Kovalchuk, as museum guards took him away...
...Larry Craig shows up, perhaps to convene an international conference of his fellow lavatorians...
...It is but the latest in his famed expostulations...
...Stark snarled out an apology to our deipnophobic President and the troops, but he has yet to enroll in an anger management program or to send a DNA sample to the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany...
...He has been the most forthcoming of all presidents...
...Whoever this husband of hers is, he might make an effective investigator for one of Mr...
...Waxman by month’s end was presiding over more than a dozen investigations, but none into the giant cosmetics industry whose products he could put to good effect...
...Moreover, there may come a day when Homo sapiens wish to breed see-through humans, for instance, exhibitionists wishing to display their big hearts while on holiday at the beach or their perfectly shaped gall bladders...
...In 2001 he referred to the Hon...
...R . E M M E T T T Y R R E L L , J R . DECEMBER 2007/JANUARY 2008 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 1 3 In Kiev, things are still going awry at what is billed as the world’s only museum dedicated solely to celebrating the toilet...
...Prunes too might be beneficial...
...Pete Stark (D-CA), who on the floor of the House of Representatives declared that the United States government sends soldiers “to Iraq to get their heads blown off for the President’s amusement...
...That would be “unclean...
...In West Scranton, Pennsylvania, Mrs...
...An Australian barmaid, Miss Luana De Favari, was fined for crushing beer cans between her breasts, though apparently she did not act alone...
...October witnessed the repeated presence in the public prints of the Hon...
...Judge Michael Mukasey’s confirmationas attorney general proceeded from likely to doubtful during October, after Democratic members of the Senate Judiciary Committee became vexed over the Judge’sambivalence toward that playground recreation known by American teenagers as “waterboarding...
...Possibly the money arrives at Clinton headquarters in wonton dumplings or in fortune cookies...
...Hillary Rodham Clinton’s most generous campaign contributors on October 19, and according to the Associated Press the revelation left her “defiant” and with “no intention of curtailing her fundraising in the Chinese community...
...In India surgeons removed a three-inch-long toothbrush from the nose of a 31-year-old housewife who claimed to have no idea how the toiletry got into her ample nostrils...
...Watts as “the current Republican Conference chairman, whose children were all born out of wedlock...
...That is how the Los Angeles Times described some of Sen...
...In Kiev, things are still going awry at what is billed as the world’s only museum dedicated solely to celebrating the toilet...
...As October evanesced into November, Bruno’s campaign began to reprise escapades from her White House years...
...Gore would look like at the beach...
...Scientists at the Max Planck Institutefor Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany, probably by mere happenstance, published DNA findings that Neanderthals from the Pleistocene Age possessed the capacity for at least elementary speech...
...Think of what a see-through Mr...
...Miss Tracey Leslie was also fined by the Perth Liquor Control Board for hanging spoons from Miss De Favari’s nipples...
...Finally, October witnessed the lowest number of front-page news stories on the Iraq war in years, also the lowest number of American casualties in months, and even a declining number of Iraqi civilian casualties...
...The 40th anniversary of the martyred Mr...
...Yet he of the cavernous nostrils suffers not alone...
...It is all of a piece with the government’s efforts to treat terrorists humanely, possibly with an eye to rehabilitation...
...The only good news for the antiwar movement is that things are becoming dicier in Afghanistan...
...It sends a clear message to all licensees,” asseverated Superintendent David 1 2 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR DECEMBER 2007/JANUARY 2008 T H E C O N T I N U I N G C R I S I S R . E m m et t Ty r r e l l , J r . Parkinson, “that we will not tolerate this type of behavior in our licensed premises...
...For instance, why not offer the fellows edible Korans and sex dolls modeled after sheep and other barnyard animals—though never pigs...
...In 2003 the addlepated old fool, upon being told to “shut up” by House Ways and Means Chairman Mr...
...Also among the deceased was Mr...
...Ignoring protests from animal protection advocates, Japanese scientists at Hiroshima University are continuing to breed see-through frogs, despite the obvious privacy issues regarding these unfortunate amphibians...
...Vassily Kovalchuck, whose formative years were obviously spent under Communism, was arrested for using one of the museum’s public exhibits as his own...
...How long will it be before Sen...
...Early in the month a local, Mr...
...Henry Waxman, Chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, who in 2006 was dubbed the “Scariest Man in Washington” by Time magazine...
...You little fruitcake...
...And the oblivious Bruno went on: “You know my husband has never blocked a record ever...
...There he sang of the “dawn’s early night” and finished up with a lilting: “gave proof through the fight” that still deserves a round of hearty applause...
...Bruno, the bulky, tough-talking, longtime wife of Boy Clinton, emerged from beneath her halo late in the month after rivals for the Democratic presidential nomination addressed her bluntly in a nationally televised debate where they questioned her veracity, her secretiveness, and her reliance on Asian “dishwashers, waiters, and street stall hawkers...
...Bill Thomas, responded: “You think you are big enough to make me, you little wimp...
...The scientists claim that the transparent frogs’ internal organs are easily observed, thus obviating the messy business of dissecting the creatures...
...Their report came within days of another outburst from the Hon...
...Death claimed the life of Mr...
...He is also quite possibly the most glabrous...
...Was she thinking of her subpoenaed billing records that of a sudden appeared in the White House family quarters in 1996...
...And while on the subject of big hearts, former vice president Mr...
...Also, he might avail himself to mood-altering medications.He seems so glum...
...By month’s end, Mr...
...Designed as a not-to-bemissed tourist attraction, the museum has been attracting what can frankly be called weirdos...
...Only with the Clintons does a joke take on the dimensions of prophecy...
...Dawn Herb (apparently both an environmentalist and a vegetarian) was jailed for swearing at her overflowing toilet...
...Is she referring to his sex life...
Vol. 40 • January 2008 • No. 10
