THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
THE CONTINUING CRISIS R. EMMETT TYRELL, JR. October was hustled offstage to the relief of patriots and aesthetes everywhere but not before former President Jimmy Carter's new book, Our Endangered...
...Cindy Sheehan, the Dixie Chicks, and Hurricane Katrina...
...Miss Dowd's book, Are Men Necessary?: When Sexes Collide, comes out next month unless her caretakers step in...
...A report from the National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP) found that reading scores among the nation's hapless middle-school students have shown little improvement over the past two years, remaining at the same semi-literate level where they have lingered since 1990...
...Rove, and a "full account" of Mr...
...The indicted official's name is I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, and it was very clever of Mr...
...If prayers are broadcast, he will not join the believers in worshipping from Islam's now familiar "bottoms-up" position...
...Rumors that White House Deputy Chief of Staff Mr...
...In the Polish village of Trzebnik, nine-year-old Piotr Ernst brought a live hand grenade to a "show-and-tell" event at his school...
...And American liberals have suffered another setback in their struggle against Mr...
...He was arrested late in October for taking photographs of his male member and placing them on women's windshields in four Milwaukee cities, including puritanical West Bend, Wisconsin...
...Wilson has become a liberal celebrity of the magnitude of Mrs...
...Tucker Carlson does not get wind of this stunt...
...Scooter" indeed...
...Joseph Wilson IV...
...Hussein was bereft of his once raffish good looks and frankly seemed out of sorts...
...Chris Davis, a very trendy Member of Parliament, announced a campaign to bar supermarkets from wrapping cucumbers in plastic...
...Presumably the point of this comic masterpiece is to emphasize the theme of her essay, which is that men are mesmerized by her musky sensuality and that she is a seductress of unstoppable libidinous dynamism, comparable to the Gabors or perhaps to Miss Monica Lewinsky...
...Rove to have him hobbling around on crutches when the media took his picture...
...Yet hardly had she emerged from her hole and been deloused than Hurricane Wilma hit the Caribbean and south Florida...
...Karl Rove was going to be indicted along with hundreds—perhaps thousands—of lesser Bush administration officials caused insomnia throughout the blue states...
...It is a development that cannot be good for their self-esteem or for fast-paced soft-drink advertisements or for the public-service notices that are so important for the commonweal...
...Wherever the sexes collide, you can be sure Miss Dowd is a mere bystander...
...Such devices can be very effective during deer season...
...Wilson allowed as how he, as a "true child of the 1960s," had "too many wives and taken too many drugs...
...The school was evacuated...
...Yogmata Japaki, possibly after reading former President Carter's new book, endeavored "to create abetter world" by burying herself underground for three days, abstaining from food, water, and polite conversation...
...Voters in Iraq dodged suicide bombers to vote in a referendum for a draft constitution just before former President Saddam Hussein filed a laconic not guilty plea to charges that he had murdered 148 Shia villagers in 1982...
...Bill Clinton looked even more anile than he did after his most recent surgery, reminding us once again of the health hazards of recreational sex...
...DECEMBER 2005/JANUARY 2006 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 13...
...In London, Sir David Frost announced that he will be presenting a current affairs program on al-Jazeera, though he will remain clean-shaven...
...There is evidence that the National Rifle Association (NRA) is making inroads into, of all places, Poland...
...She wears a shapeless black dress that conforms to every hillock of her shapeless body and naughtily reveals calves sheathed in fishnet stockings—oh, unfortunate fish...
...Wilson recognizes his chances for elective office are nonexistent...
...Nancy Pelosi put TSA officials on the alert every time she approached an airport...
...October was hustled offstage to the relief of patriots and aesthetes everywhere but not before former President Jimmy Carter's new book, Our Endangered Values, appeared in bookstores, and Miss Maureen Dowd, the matronly New York Times columnist, adumbrated her new book by publishing a stool sample from it in the New York Times Magazine...
...Jeffrey John Hein, 40, of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, to become a photographer for National Geographic have been dashed...
...The dreadful row accompanying President George W. Bush's nomination of his lawyer to the Supreme Court abated after she, Miss Harriet Miers, withdrew her name and Mr...
...Bush replaced it with that of Judge Samuel Alito...
...Speaking at San Francisco State University, to the usual audience of imbeciles, Mr...
...Despite the bathroom jokes of such comic geniuses as Mr...
...He refused to confirm his identity and obviously longed for the good old days, when, surrounded by his admirers, he could watch home videos of opponents being tortured or personally put a bullet into a would-be rival's head...
...One hopes that the impish Mr...
...The holy month of Ramadan got off to a good start with small arms fire throughout the Middle East and suicide bombings in Bali, Iraq, and Israel...
...Al Franken and Miss Janeane Garofalo, the network's ratings in Washington fell from "a mere fraction of a rating point in the spring" to a rating that "couldn't detect a measurable listenership...
...Rove to have him hobbling around on crutches when the media took his picture...
...Japaki's selflessness was the October 8 earthquake in Kashmir that left tens of thousands dead and many more homeless...
...With Maureen and Jimmy in the bookstores, this year's competition for the J. Gordon Coogler Award will be fierce...
...Apparently it is a disquisition on the mystery and potent sexuality of Miss Dowd, the plain-Jane journalist, whose delusions of winsomeness provoked her to pose for a full-page picture in the magazine, her shapeless rump settled on a barstool, her rouged slab of a face turned three-quarters toward the photographer to gruesome effect...
...The month's other unedifying occurrence was the spreading agitation among hyperbolic liberals as special prosecutor Mr...
...The Washington Post reports that "Air America, the liberal talk network" carried on Washington, D.C.'s WWRC-AM, has "gone from bad to nonexistent...
...Fitzgerald indicted Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff on charges including obstruction of justice and perjury, offenses not considered serious during the Clinton years...
...In his court appearance Mr...
...The proximate cause of Mrs...
...Finally, the hopes of Mr...
...Rush Limbaugh and Fox News...
...Cheney's role in the unmasking of CIA spook Miss Valerie Plame, the wife—at least for now—of the sainted Mr...
...this time around...
...The excitement ended on October 28, when Mr...
...Patrick Fitzgerald's grand jury approached its expiry...
...THE CONTINUING CRISIS R. EMMETT TYRRELL, JR...
...The shrunken and wrinkled Mr...
...There have never been co-winners sharing the Worst Book of the Year Award...
...1/4 The indicted official's name is I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, and it was very clever of Mr...
...Doctor Howard Dean was confined to his rubber-walled office, and the Hon...
...Unfortunately even Mr...
...Moreover, there is growing evidence that our nation's dunces are even having difficulty comprehending prime-time television programming, especially the clever sitcoms...
...Earlier in the month Judge John Roberts was sworn in as Chief Justice, and in the UK Mr...
...In India Mrs...
...The latter did not include truth serum...
...The Democrats recognized the stratagem immediately, and on the Sunday-morning talk shows all were demanding apologies from President George W. Bush, the im12 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR DECEMBER 2005/JANUARY 2006 THE CONT NU NG CR S S mediate firing of Mr...
Vol. 38 • December 2005 • No. 10
