The Continuing Crisis

SUMMER ELIDES INTO FALL, and econom ic indices in the United States remained languid, but the Euro levitated to a modest five-month high against the dollar. The little tumescence came just days...

...Hoo's hair was seventeen feet long at the time of his death and had never been blow-dried...
...Koizumi's temple visit...
...The controversy began after a Dubai religious court accepted text messages transmitted in the nearby United Arab Emirates, causing anger among Singapore's feminists...
...The show provoked a lively debate Down Under this summer, when it received financing from Australia's progressive Swansea Arts Council...
...Acclaimed as having the world's longest hair he left the title to his eighty-eight-year-old brother...
...He himself was not asked how he made this discovery or for that matter how the Commission became interested in sex toys...
...The steatopygous couch potato insists he was only "sleeping", which in Rodhamland could be a euphemism for merely rolling over quick...
...Kim and Washington would be "hard," presumably because no rail service between the two countries has yet to be devised...
...Meanwhile back in the United States, environmentalists faced with the spread of the West Nile virus appeared stumped...
...and in Our Nation's Capital a chill set in among all those Gnostic moralists who once deemed a Democratic politician's private sex life (even if indulged in even while on the tele phone with members of Congress) "off limits...
...It has been verified, however, that an ex-presidential brother-in-law, Mr...
...A( Great Helmsman h H THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2001 ING CRISIS :he air in Omsk...
...In sports news THE CONTI...
...Purchasers are encouraged to read the instructions.The Commission's Health and Consumer Protection spokesperson, the singular Mr.Torsten Muench, told reporters: "There is no evidence that people using sex toys are at risk...
...But no one has come forward to claim the bones, and police have become suspicious that there may be more to them than meets the eye...
...We are consulting with them [charmers] on how best to get rid of that snake before it finishes off our womenfolk...
...For a husband to win a divorce, according to Islamic law, he must declare to his wife three times within seven days "I divorce you" and then take his dispute to an Islamic court, where the divorce will go into effect whether or not the wife shaves her moustache...
...But it is known that some of the Commission's most active participants, mostly members of the anti-smoking lobby and consumerists, are apprehensive about germs and find access to sex toys much healthier than access to the bodies of other human beings, especially if those human beings are perspiring...
...The skulls were originally thought by police to be instruments used in religious services conducted by adepts in Tantrism, a religion popular among India's educated classes and somewhat comparable to Humanism in the United States...
...Local officials in the environmentally sensitive village have eschewed modern pest-control methods and called in several respected snake charmers...
...Castro...
...Now if only the world's animal rights activists and friends of the whale would emulate this noble act, and not make such pests of themselves on the Internet...
...Junichiro Koizumi, lost favor with the international community when he visited the infamous Yasukuni shrine, still considered a monument to Japanese militarism...
...This sex stuff is serious...
...The snake charmers are showing me indications that it is the same snake that terrorized Jangusa," a local environmentalist told the press, without elaborating on who, what or where that might be...
...Robert FrancesDavies, who helpfully reminded protestors that "The Marriage of Figaro was banned when it first came out, because it was regarded as an affront to public morals...
...RET SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2001 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 9...
...Many were left unmollified by President George W Bush's decision to allow government funding of a narrow range of stem-cell research...
...Koizumi's enthusiastic countrymen celebrated by serving huge quantities of whale sashimi at Tokyo harbor...
...Though they contain chemicals banned as carcinogenic in baby toys, adult sex toys were found to pose no health hazards-if properly used...
...It was all so familiar, somehow, except for the fact that this intern was not a gabby ditz but a missing person...
...Called Puppetry of the Penis, its puppeteers-both men-maneuver their genitals into various shapes duplicating historic objects and historic structures...
...In 1963 she also sang "You're No Good," at a time when it would have been premature to be singing about the United States Congress' most sought-after talk show casuist, Rep...
...WOO- h6...
...His countrymen may have damaged his reputation still more when they welcomed the return of Japan's whaling fleet...
...The little tumescence came just days after the European Commission released a report that set off festivals of jubilation in the hearts of millions of Scandinavians, and many fat people in Amsterdam too...
...MARXISTS ALL OVER THE WORLD were reminded of the charm and progressive idealism of their flumdiddle when North Korea's roly-poly leader Mr...
...Though suave readers of this magazine have for years been pretty much in accord that life begins at 8:00 p.m., pro-life and pro-abortion activists moved on to debate cloning and stem-cell research...
...SOMEONE LEFT 500 HUMAN SKULLS in a house in Calcutta, India...
...Robert Sidney Martin as its acting chairman of the National Endowment of the Arts, signaling that an Australian puppet show certain to appeal to First Amendment hard liners will get no taxpayer help touring the United States...
...Kim took the train, but not any train-a twentyone-car armored rust bucket full of flies and security agents-because he does not believe in the travel-worthiness of old Orville and Wilbur Wright's invention.The trip took ten days and several cases of champagne, but when the world's last-but-one (hello, Mr...
...The act was ably defended by Swansea Council cultural secretary Mr...
...Osman Durmas planned to conduct on high school girls seeking careers as government nurses...
...The California solon did liven up an otherwise dull summer, "stone walling" about his relationship with an intern, lying to investigators about that dalliance, and flirting with obstruction of justice by counseling another former inamorata to lie...
...Geraldo Rivera fell on the hapless congressman with a puritanical ardor, as did Mr...
...FINALLY, THERE IS NO TRUTH apparently to reports that a former President was arrested outside a women's lavatory in Las Vegas wielding a mirror...
...Condit, the former Boy President's erstwhile defenders became surprisingly "judgmental...
...Tony Rodham, was assaulted at the Rodham summer cottage by a man who claimed to have caught Mr...
...Other erstwhile jades, who used to suggest ever so coyly that the office girls could not keep their hands off them-the glabrous Mr...
...Foul play is suspected...
...David Toms won the EightyThird PGA Championship...
...According to Nigerian health officials, the snake is only visible to women...
...Hong Kong police blamed a heat wave but Beijing alleged a smoking Taiwanese gun...
...Besides, he is "conservative" and "profamily," and thus had no doctrinal license to confabulate with liberal interns...
...Rodham in the early hours of August 19 having sexual relations on a couch with the man's girlfriend, the aptly named Miss Kelly Quick...
...Anthony Lewis, for instance-remained mum...
...The fleet accounted for 158 whales, seventy more than last year, and Mr...
...Stalinist dictator arrived he was refreshed, promising Mr...
...Kim's return from what turned out to be a twenty-four day diplomatic mission, Rodong Sinmum, North Korea's official Workers' Party newspaper, declared that a similar resumption of dialogue between Mr...
...Upon Mr...
...COMES THE MELANCHOLY NEWS that Miss Betty Everett, famed for her rendering of"The Shoop Shoop Song" has died...
...Gary Condit...
...TENSION BETWEEN TAIWAN and Com munist China heightened when in Hong Kong a storage space containing over half a million ping-pong balls burst into flames...
...Putin that in exchange for Russian military hardware he would send slaves, possibly by official North Korean government ox cart...
...In Ankara, Turkey the government has canceled those virginity tests that Health Minister Mr...
...Hoo Sateow, 77, the otherwise uncelebrated Hmong tribesman residing in a remote Thai village has died...
...In Nature, a team of University of Michigan Medical School scientists published a genetic elucidation of prostate cancer that could lead to the cure of several cancers, and Reuters reports that a "mystery snake" is being held responsible for seven Nigerian women's deaths in the scantily-clad village of Rijiyar Zaki...
...Lanny Davis...
...Durmas is a busy man and has been happily married for many years...
...In digital news from the exotic Orient, twenty South Koreans chopped off the tips of their fingers to protest Mr...
...Islamic authorities in Singapore ruled that Muslim men cannot seek "quickie" divorces by sending their wives text messages over cell phones...
...It turns out that neither Gerald Ford nor Jimmy Carter nor George Bush was even in Las Vegas at the time...
...THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION settled on Mr...
...As for Rep...
...Japan's longhaired, hip-swinging Prime Minister, Mr...
...We hasten to open channels for the negotiation of an official TAS editorial pardon...
...THE DEBATE OVER WHEN LIFE BEGINS grew intense...
...Kim Jong Il traveled to Moscow to meet with the apostate, President Vladimir V Putin...

Vol. 34 • September 2001 • No. 7


 
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