The Continuing Crisis

THE CONTINUING CRISIS Night crawlers; Pot kicks bucket; Mitterrand's last meal April departs for its rightful place in the annals of history, and in Washington mute befuddlement supplants the...

...Most of the guests at the White House Correspondents' Dinner were not aware of Salon, though apparently Attorney General Janet Reno reads it...
...Ca111-800-575-1566 to find out what your stock broker doesn't want you to know...
...Hitherto the guffaws hailed each Clinton gaffe (or policy, as the Clintons called them...
...Sidney Blumenthal, has located three UFO watchers Mr...
...A study presented to the European Parliament estimates that as much as 15 percent of the earth's greenhouse gases are the consequence of "methane from enteric fermentation of livestock," to wit, cow vapors...
...Mitterrand ate several with a Roll m e over in the clover Didn't g et what he de served 8 June 1998 The American Spectator napkin atop his head "to heighten the sensual experience by enveloping you [him] in the aroma" of the smelly bird...
...In Salt Lake City, Miss Shirley Jean Shay rode off in a 25-ton fire truck, leading police on a so-mile chase...
...Ray's joke was that he was merely an incidental actor in a complex conspiracy to silence Dr...
...The Groper's first press conference in five months abounded with questions about the president's knowledge of the pretty young thing, and a Lansing, Michigan classic rock station could go national with an outdoor billboard that has listeners swarming to its shows...
...Fully Secured and 21% Fixed Returns on an 18-month program...
...Hollywood intends to make a movie about them...
...Also included in the president's reading material were excerpts from such masterpieces as "The Edge of The Bed: How Dirty Pictures Changed My Life," by Lisa Palac...
...Michael Smith took off in a city bus after hoodwinking its driver into stepping out onto the pavement to do God knows what...
...And there is more vindication of President Ronald Reagan's sagacity when he identified trees and bovine flatulence as environmental mutilators...
...President Boris Yeltsin after two failed attempts got his boy prime minister past the Russian Duma, and a lost tribe of dark-skinned Eskimos has been found on the periphery of polar icefields...
...What would a decline in the stock market do to your stocks, mutual funds and retirement accounts...
...In Boy Clinton's America, the free press could go the way of the tobacco industry...
...Though the crime rate is down, public vehicle pilfering is up...
...Qualified With No Market Risk...
...Possibly Miss Reno will also investigate the New York Times...
...European Epicurean tastes are becoming controversial...
...After being convicted of murdering Dr...
...Their fixer, former journalist Mr...
...There this happy trio of lunkheads believe millions of dollars changed hands through the instrumentality of The American Spectator whilst hundreds of thousands of minnows and night crawlers looked on...
...The billboard features a picture of the White House lovers with c,'" the words, "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin...
...On the "Charles Grodin Show" Mrs...
...In April it ran such articles as, "Courtney Weaver Investigates the Folds of Her Lover's Schlong and the Circumcision Debate," by none other than Courtney Weaver, and "Are You a Slut, a Slob, or a Sleazebag...
...Scores of scientific blunders in government passive tobacco research were exposed in a report written by Sweden's Professor Robert Nilsson, and published in the European Science and Environment Forum...
...Yes, STOCK MARKET RETURNS without STOCK MARKET RISKS...
...That investigation is but one of her imbroglios with Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr who on April 3o reindicted Mr...
...The team's black coach, Mr...
...Jonathan Broder, Mr...
...No adult has admitted to seeing the money, not even the UFO watchers' sole source, or to be more precise sole sorceress...
...Mutt would you say to: Your Principal is...
...The American Spectator June 1998 9...
...The American Spectator insists that none of its money was spent...
...nervous about the stock market...
...By the end of the month a court decision against Miss Monica Lewinsky freed Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr to continue his case against her...
...S.E.P...
...Nonetheless, on April 25 at the White House Correspondents' Dinner the Boy President encouraged a dumbfounded audience to read the Internet haunt where these stories have been sedulously flogged, Salon magazine...
...And in Philadelphia, Mr...
...I.R.A...
...Martin Luther King in 1968, Mr...
...His stratagem for suckering the faithful was the same trick used by the aforementioned con artists, namely a bold proclamation of the improbable corroborated by no evidence whatsoever but repeated ceaselessly...
...Kim Salter did the same in New York City with a police car carrying a terrified dog in its back seat, and again no seatbelt...
...Hillary Milhous Clinton's "vast right-wing conspiracy...
...Maturity dates may vary...
...That racist graffiti found on the gym walls of the mostly black First Colonial High School basketball team in Virginia Beach, Virginia, turned out to be a motivational message gone haywire...
...In April she vowed to investigate its charges against the Spectator...
...Joe Conason, and Mr...
...Clinton is facing a very hot summer...
...RET You've lost that lovin' feelin' Are you like most people...
...King...
...MIB Financial A full service, asset growth and protection company 1-800-575-1566 We have something with STOCK MARKET RETURNS-- without STOCK MARKET RISKS...
...Treasury a dime for her services...
...And the tarot-card reader keeps changing her story...
...James Earl Ray died in prison of natural causes...
...Yet by the end of April political observers were frankly puzzled...
...Murray Waas who theorize that the "vast, well-financed" conspiracy has been headquartered in a rural Arkansas bait shop, Dozhier's Bait Shop at Rainbow Landing...
...Clinton with her mesmerizing tales of the right-wing conspiracy and her conversations with Mrs...
...Pol Pot died and his body was burned, precisely the opposite final sequence of what he deserved...
...Speaking of tobacco, government findings against passive tobacco suffered another Bronx cheer...
...It appeared that the Clintons really do believe in Mrs...
...Glenn Veasy, had hoped the slurs would make his players more competitive, but he was undone, according to local investigators, by his neat handwriting and an attempt to correct a misspelling that no vandal would notice...
...It was reported that the moribund Francois Mitterrand just before his death consumed a luscious feast of oysters, foie gras, capons, and illegal birds...
...United States district judge Susan Webber Wright dismissed all charges against the Groper in the Paula Corbin Jones case, but the damage has been done...
...Her name is Caryn Mann, and she is a professional tarot-card reader of great gifts, who used her mental telepathy to direct American troops during the Gulf War and apparently did not charge the U.S...
...The White House spin team owes him a lot...
...Mitterrand's last meal April departs for its rightful place in the annals of history, and in Washington mute befuddlement supplants the guffaws...
...Susan McDougal declared that the Times had acted just like The American Spectator and paid off a witness, her former husband...
...The "magazine" turns out to be an omnium gatherum of New Age quackery, sour gossip, and smutty cybersex...
...Reportedly Mr...
...Ray went on to become an accomplished practical jokester, duping perhaps as many poor saps as the country's UFO theorists, its Kennedy assassination buffs, and Mrs...
...Finally there were the aforementioned lunkheads' political hallucinations...
...Khmer Rouge leader Mr...
...Eleanor Roosevelt out in the upper ethers of the White House...
...The bird, an endangered species called the ortolan, is said to embody the soul of France, though it weighs a mere two ounces...
...12% Fixed Returns on a 12-month program...
...President Clinton attended a 34-nation summit in romantic Santiago, Chile, without incident...
...In Bosnia horses descended from the famed dancing horses of the Vienna court are being sold as meat, and London's Sunday Times reports that British zoos are knowingly supplying exotic animals to farmers for their tasty meat...
...Webb Hubbell and threw in Hubbell's wife and two associates...
...Did you know that if your funds are in the stock market, your principle is at risk...
...She wore no seatbelt...

Vol. 31 • June 1998 • No. 6


 
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