The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS •July was baked to a cinder and discarded as the summer sun transformed America into the largest sauna chamber in the world. The concomitant drought made farmers even more...
...Miss Mildred Gillars, the American-born Nazi propagandist known as Axis Sally, passed on as did Mr...
...The drought left migrant farm workers with practically no place to which they might migrate profitably...
...After several days of high jinks by the Rev...
...According to the group's literature, "we are still the only industrialized nation that routinely circumcises most of its baby boys...
...Much of the convention's oratory was devoted to the deplorable state of the American economy, then in its sixty-seventh straight month of growth with high employment, low inflation, and rising productivity...
...Look at me squeal...
...During his speech Senator Edward Kennedy roused the morons with repeated queries as to "Where was George...
...In Hayward, California, officials violated the sanctity of family life to prevent a Me Generation mother, Mrs...
...In New Orleans, Louisiana, delegates to the National Educational Association's convention, all glassy-eyed and devoted, approved a resolution exhorting school districts to provide counseling for students flummoxed about their "sexual identities...
...The Sandinistas expelled the United States Ambassador after harshly repressing a political demonstration...
...Finally in San Francisco, California, an aroused citizenry is mobilizing against that infamous throwback of yesteryear, circumcision...
...Ely Perlman, the well-known New York City pollen counter, died of respiratory failure...
...The woman, whose name the authorities have withheld, claims she was only following the counsel of researchers from the University of Florida Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology on how to prevent yeast infection, but as every NEA delegate knows there has to be more to it than that...
...and the TV cameras fixed on woebegone visages of black delegates, Indians, Eskimos, Aleuts, people with runny noses, acne, incurable bad breath, bad teeth, atrocious wardrobes, and not one cheerful woman...
...Gerard T. Indelicato, was sentenced to two and a half years in the hoosegow for conspiracy, mail fraud, and tax evasion...
...A queasy juror abandoned the deliberations...
...Miss Nico, one of Andy Warhol's film stars, assumed room temperature for the last time, and Dr...
...Stefan Edberg won his first Wimbledon title, and in New London, Connecticut, a mistrial was declared in the case of Mr...
...Jesse Jackson never would covet the party's number two spot and always would be very polite...
...Evidence that history repeats itself was fulsomely provided in the Ukraine, where, at a sepulchral gathering for a gentleman who had croaked from drinking industrial alcohol, mourners imbibed more of the same, leaving ten at room temperature and eighty hospitalized...
...The implications— for sexual relationships, for issues of power, authority, and violence—are enormous...
...Ugly is what you will become every time you lie and steal...
...This error was in no way meant to reflect on the Governor's relative obscurity or lack of stature...
...Laugh...
...On July 19 what is loosely referred to as the government of Iran announced its intention to end hostilities with Iraq, just days after the venerable Washington Times reported that the 6 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER 1988 Ayatollah Khomeini wears a small transistor radio around his dirty neck and watches Mickey Mouse cartoons...
...RET...
...John Zaccaro, filed notice that he will appeal his conviction for selling $25 worth of cocaine to an undercover agent...
...Bad boy...
...Look...
...An American patriot was given two years' probation and ordered by a New Haven judge to pay $5,000 apiece to the Yale Coalition Against Apartheid and a local fire department...
...In Springfield, Illinois, burglars stole an $800 set of false teeth from atop the stomach of a sleeping man, also making off with his camera, his wallet, and $79 worth of food stamps...
...Jackson a campaign plane and one hundred more days on the campaign trail reinforces that premonition...
...Richard Crafts who is accused of having murdered his wife and of disposing of her remains by using a wood chipper as though it were a gigantic Cuisinart...
...Cataracts of tears were shed for the enormities of American history...
...Stealing...
...a line that lost its allure for him the following morning when Republican wags began to respond with "Where is Mary Jo...
...All of which sounds very much like the logic and style of a late July New Republic editorial against boxing...
...Mr...
...ly fruit cake (only 38 percent were white males and many of them walked oddly), nominated Governor Michael S. Dukakis as its presidential candidate and Senator Lloyd Bentsen to help with the jokes...
...Miss Roxanne Bradshaw, secretary-treasurer of the NEA, testified 'that she knew a young girl who was so distressed about her sexual identity that she attempted suicide and now lies in a coma...
...Tennis players fled for the indoors, repelled by the sight of their own copious sweat...
...Early in the month Attorney General Edwin Meese claimed vindication and announced that he was retiring to the Heritage Foundation and to the Hoover Institution...
...Moreover, on July 22 Pravda published a very ingratiating profile of the Democrats' choice...
...The Consensus Press adjudged the confabulation very auspicious for the fall elections, insisting that the party's divisiveness was now consigned to the dark past and far away...
...My hands are tied because I cannot be trusted...
...It is a gruesome ticket, expressive of a gruesome gathering...
...Anna della Vecchia has lodged a formal complaint against Tarzan and Sultan, two libidinous male lions residing at the nearby American Circus whose nocturnal amorous trysts with the circus's females have caused an unseemly racket though no arrests have been made...
...Of course that might be owing to the fact that when the Soviets held their party congress earlier in the month it was only marginally further to the left than the Democrats' convention...
...What is more, considering that most of the men were middle-aged, a surprisingly large number had at least one idiotic cowlick sticking up...
...Fish and Wildlife service reports that a record number of North American ducks have fled far into the northlands to escape the drought, meaning that population growth among them will be drastically reduced and that there will be fewer web-footed fowl in Southern nesting areas for duck hunters to blast hell out of...
...Jesse Jackson, a Democratic National Convention, whose composition was heaviCorrection In recent months this column has incorrectly referred to Governor Martin C. Dukakis of Massachusetts as Mary Lou Dukakis...
...In Atlanta, Georgia, the Democrats nominated yet another prosaic governor of the humorless, goody-twoshoes variety to wrest the White House from the clutches of the Fortune 500 and the Eastern Bankers...
...And the group, called The Victims Speak, promises foreskin restoration-0 new Utopia...
...Richard Schulze-Kossens, an adjutant to the late Adolf Hitler...
...Golfers were especially hard hit, as the sun seared their grassy proving grounds...
...Mary Francis Bergamasco, from punishing her seven-year-old son by displaying him on the front lawn dressed as a pig and wearing a sign inscribed, "I am a dumb pig...
...In Verona, Italy, two Germans were arrested after causing a traffic hazard by copulating on the side of a major highway, and Mrs...
...This is a lesson to be learned...
...The U.S...
...Unfortunately, the NEA's resolution comes too late for a West Jordan, Utah woman who burned out her kitchen and nearly destroyed her home when she placed her underpants in the microwave and they ignited...
...This from the same press corps that insisted the Rev...
...Nor were the nation's duck hunters spared...
...Governor Dukakis's former education adviser, aptly named Mr...
...Our fact checkers simply were unaware of the Massachusetts miracle's consequence for world history...
...Possibly this time the Consensus Press is right, but the Democrats' dubious incantation, "unity from diversity," suggests disunity ahead, and the fact that they have given the Rev...
...Elwood Bracey, 52, who bravely applied Prometheus' gift to unsightly and hazardous anti-apartheid shanties, which peace knaves had built on the grounds of Yale University's war memorial, will also be coerced into paying an unspecified sum to Yale if he is to avoid further trouble with what passes for the law in the Socialist Republic of New Haven...
...Finally, Vice President George Bush took a fearful drubbing...
...Thief...
...Miss Geraldine Ferraro's son, Mr...
...The concomitant drought made farmers even more idle than usual, though the federal government promised more opportunities to engage in the noble husbandmen's favorite pastime, lugging heavy federal checks down to the First National...
...And even some of the pillars of American society were affected...
Vol. 21 • September 1988 • No. 9
