Instant Replay
Nollson, John
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ....
...Indeed, it was impossible to tell who was seated above the salt and who below, so artfully had the customary perspective been altered...
...By pushing the "fast-forward" button, I was able to advance the tape to a discussion of dolphins...
...I propose to record such events and make the videotapes available to a select group of subscribers...
...Oh, yes," I agreed...
...The commercial possibilities are limited only by the bounds of my own imagination...
...Nothing worked...
...The host's old English sheepdog, in need of a haircut, meandered aimlessly about...
...The men were taken to the sewing room...
...Thus refreshed, I depressed the "play" button and was able to follow the conversation with a clearer head...
...I may even arrange to have them shown on cable television to certain privileged viewers...
...The tape had been made with expertise...
...The next day, my considerate friend returned...
...Fortunately, one of my friends came to my rescue...
...That's the bonus...
...So I arranged to record the entire evening on videotape and replay it for you...
...What was at stake was nothing less than control of the mind of Ronald Reagan...
...Of course...
...When I found that I could not grasp one particularly critical exchange, I reversed the tape and replayed the scene in slow motion...
...Do you remember the dinner with the arm-wrestling match...
...Especially compelling were those scenes captured by the camera suspended from the ceiling, directly over the dinner table...
...It will take six hours to get through the dinner, so why don't you settle back and relax...
...For free...
...Nor the decision to hang tough after reading How to Prevent Your Second Divorce from Becoming a Pretext for Sliding Back into Remarriage to Your First Wife...
...Even though you weren't there, you get to keep the centerpiece[" I-7 22 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR AUGUST 1980...
...He hooked the tape machine into the television set that Blue Cross was providing...
...I felt obliged to respond...
...I soon discovered that the machine had convenient features...
...And you remember the table...
...That's it...
...They wanted to play billiards and smoke cigars...
...The scene was so lifelike that I was driven to reach into my wallet and throw some currency on the table, as the other guests were doing...
...He reached into his attach~ case and pulled out two more cartridges...
...Obviously, three cameras had been used, and truly dramatic perspectives had been edited into the tape without any loss of continuity...
...Well," he answered, "it will cost eleven dollars a month...
...Then the tape went blank...
...The party had entered its seventh hour and the cartridge could run fi)r only six...
...It was now tied one set apiece...
...I realized that 1 had been scheduled to attend this event too, and I was glad I had missed none of it, especially the dramatic rescue...
...Lovely setting...
...I exclaimed...
...I asked, scarcely containing my delight...
...When I heard about your mishap," he said, "I knew you were sure to be depressed...
...Screen test...
...Why, these programs are even more necessary than the newsletters and magazines I get in the mail...
...How could I forget...
...He, too, had been lucky enough to wangle an invitation to the dinner party...
...But, if you subscribe now, I'll give you a reduced rate and a bonus...
...Nothing dispelled the gloom...
...The women adjourned to the drawing room for billiards, cigars, and brandy...
...There is something appealing about the actuality...
...What's more, my tapes can provide something which simply isn't available from the print medium--intimacy...
...His forelock hung over his eyes and he kept bumping into people...
...The nuance gets lost if you have to rely on the society page of the newspaper...
...he said, clinching the deal...
...Eventually the hostess entered the drawing room and, turning to her companions, asked, "Ladies, shall we rejoin the gentlemen...
...Exactly," my friend agreed...
...One of the videotapes was much like the first, but the second recorded a backyard barbecue and splash party...
...he asked...
...What did you think of the screen test...
...My friend gave me a short course in operating the machinery and then took his leave, pleading a reunion of the crew of his college's eight-oared rowing shell...
...For me...
...A bonus...
...Because a hand-held camera had been used, I was able ro follow the guests out the door as they took their leave and got into their automobiles...
...One of the children, trying to perform a reverse back flip off the diving board, was knocked unconscious after his head grazed the end of the springy plank...
...Sure thing," I said, hoping to encourage him in this useful enterprise...
...I had spent months angling for an invitation, and I was very put out...
...One such was the arm wrestling match between two eminent professors, staged after the table had been cleared...
...I had come to grief at the roller disco, and was confined to the hospital for surgical repair of torn ligaments in my left knee...
...Mostly, the men just griped...
...You see, after these parties are over and I gather up my stuff, I always remember to swipe a souvenir or two...
...Take a look at these and tell me what you think," he requested...
...But I had more reason than that to feel sorry for myself...
...He was carrying a videotape machine and several large cassettes...
...Six people had gone to the tennis court for a game of mixed triples...
...I could also freeze a particularly tense moment and ponder it...
...For the first thousand subscribers, there will be a special girl...
...Meanwhile, on the tennis court, the struggle for Reagan's mind continued...
...It was fortunate, therefore, to be able to switch off the machine and doze...
...One got a proper sense of the balance and symmetry of the passage of rolls and salt...
...Absolutely,'.' he promised...
...The jealous rival who had deliberately sabotaged the ball bearings on my roller skates had caused me to miss an important social event, a dinner party...
...Children had been invited to the gathering...
...Tell me," my friend said, as he came to collect his equipment the next day, "would you subscribe if you had the chance...
...He fell into the pool but was saved from certain death by the intervention of four of the guests...
...Remember...
...Not the money I was sure to make after reading You Too Can Profit From Armageddon I f You Play the Percentages Right...
...You see, I have started a business...
...I had always thought that I could use a short nap between the time the china, silver, and glassware were removed and the time I would be asked to join the other men in the sewing room...
...Some of them were old enough to remember the old days when they were allowed to...
...Finally the evening wound to a close...
...Yes, just a trial run," he breezed...
...I wagered 23 dollars and it was just as well that I was not there, because my man lost...
Vol. 13 • August 1980 • No. 8
