The Continuing Crisis
The Continuing Crisis - December 12 through January 11, and Jimmy has done woke up. The White House can be a learning experience. Being President can help one grow as a human being. It can encourage one to attain...
...Possibly in the years to come Jimmy will have time to learn something about English syntax...
...In Miami Beach, Florida, modernity triumphed over the medieval practices of the local Audubon Society when a Civil Service Board refused to penalize a heroic cop for blasting a rooster whose matutinal hullabaloos had breached the bounds of the tolerable...
...It can encourage one to attain his or her full human potential and become a nicer person...
...A Minneapolis bus driver lost his job when he drove his route wearing a Santa Claus outfit...
...K~ng, whose view it is that Christ's divinity is a difficult proposition to prove scientifically, received the news while skiing...
...Yet if he spoke with greater clarity h e might be more easily comprehended by the American people, and that could present his Presidency with catastrophe...
...The precise nature of the North Carolina poultry plant remains obscure, and the reference books dealing with regional flora do not mention it...
...In New York City, the Rev...
...Doubtless Miss Lillian's brightest boy is having an exciting and enriching time in our nation's capital, but American diplomats are having a more exciting time than is safe, and many of the leaders of those foreign countries that the Wonderboy once studied are now dead...
...9 The ruble has become the new currency of Afghanistan...
...Louise Stone and her husband the Rev...
...From Libreville, Gabon, come the glad tidings that President Bongo has been re-elected, and the enlightened citizens of India have winked at all that argle bargle about the rights of man and called Mother Gandhi back to the throne...
...Rudi Dutschke, the "Red Rudi" of the late 1960s European student rebellion...
...RET 2 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR FEBRUARY 1980...
...In Plainview, Texas, the Rev...
...Jerry and Teddy are worse versions of the same disease...
...And Washington, D.C.'s Woodward & Lathrop department stores hired their first black female Santa Claus...
...Saudi Arabian executioners beheaded 63 men convicted of murder in the November seizure of Mecca's Grand Mosque, and in the supposedly civilized state of Massachusetts a plea for a mistrial by Mr...
...Misfortune continues to affix its tentacles to the Babcock & Wilcox Construction Company, builder of the iU-famed Three Mile Island nuclear reactor...
...How did Iowa exist before the kindly Russians leapt forward to relieve Iowa's farmers of their onerous grain...
...9 December was a capital month for the Republic's divines...
...The Republicans who mewled together in Iowa on the evening of January 5 sounded as though they all wanted to duplicate Jimmy's vacuous feats...
...Loy Stone, both witches in the occult Church of Wica, went on trial on charges Of murdering a 15-year-old girl on Halloween night, 1978...
...The Rev...
...During a month that witnessed increased international tension, the Army began investigating "sexual harassment" of some of its crack troops...
...9 Finally, the Wonderboy has been ordered by the authoritative Directors of American Atheists to desist from referring to Russians as "atheists...
...Hans Kfing from practicing his arts as a Catholic theologian...
...When will politicians stop talking baby talk to the American people...
...Robert W. i Lewis has been denied...
...9 December 12 through January 11, and Jimmy has done woke up...
...9 The decade ended in a traditional round of holiday revelry and editorial solemnizing that left many readers convinced that when the journalists turn their minds to the sublime and the historical national pride requires the First Amendment to be temporarily stifled...
...Hostages live under unusually hazardous conditions, and it is simply imprudent for them to be goofing off when a nondenominational service is being perpetrated...
...9 Now Jimmy is learning about the Russians...
...Allegedly the North Carolina ecclesiastic and three associates kept nine morons in slavery and forced them to work in a poultry plant...
...9 In higher education, a professor at prestigious Edward Waters College was gunned down by an energetic young student who became distraught at the professor's insistence that he complete a course requirement before having an unsatisfactory grade removed from his transcript...
...9 In New York the 1980s began roisterously with five murders in 12 hours...
...Women soldiers at Fort Meade, according to the Baltimore Sun, have been subjected to verbal and physical abuse that cannot but impair their fighting ability...
...Robert A. Carr of the Church of God and True Holiness has been accused of slavery...
...In Coral Gables, Florida, two women nearly did themselves in when a cherries jubilee dessert exploded and showered them with flaming ice cream...
...Dutschke, a stupefying rabble-rouser and radical, perished while in the bathtub, possibly during a freak encounter with a bar of soap...
...And in South Africa naturalists saw once again the ruinous influence of modern man when a gang of baboons waylaid the Vernon Wicomb family on the outskirts of Cape Town and took off with the Wicombs' beer, wine, cigarettes, and car keys...
...In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, a Commonwealth Court has ordered the company to pay compensation to Mrs...
...The nefarious Christians are foiled again...
...Fears of a reinstitution of the odious Inquisition of yore tumefied in the pained cerebrums of liberal theologians around the world when the Roman Catholic Church barred the Rev...
...Not even the pious prayers Senator McGovern intones on his knees at night could be more idiotic...
...Nonetheless, the season's celebrations soon washed the sonorities and the angst away...
...William Sloane Coffin, Jr., equated our President's macho economic threats against the Islamic Republic of Khomeinia with yesteryear's bombing of romantic North Vietnam, and emplaned for Teheran where he and two likeminded men of God held nondenominational services with 43 of the American Embassy's 50 hostages...
...Seven Americans were not present, much to the displeasure of the Carter administration...
...As President Jimmy learned that Cubans can be a stabilizing force in Africa and that Americans must get over their "inordinate fear of Communism...
...Homicides were up 15 percent in New York City last year, setting an all-time record of 1,700...
...I was about to endorse a Pressler-Baker ticket, calling it Carterism with a human face...
...Very late in December he informed Mr...
...John, whose husband lost his life when he stumbled into one of the company's portable comfort stations...
...Lewis is being prosecuted for "harassing" two humpback whales while piloting his pleasure boat, The Lush Life, around the beasts...
...And the Rev...
...He also learned "where all the nations of the world were and who their leaders were...
...Moreover, there were 892 reported bites, making the human bite in that city more prevalent than that of the Rattus...
...Nonetheless, it is wrong to murder people...
...Sylvester St...
...Meho Hadzic is dead...
...9 Is there to be no constitutional escape from this colossal ignoramus...
...Hadzic was widely held to be the world's oldest Slav...
...Finally, in New York City officials are apparently going ahead with their plan to prosecute a young Harlem mother for scalding, burning, and roasting her oneand-one-half-year-old son who, according to his morn, was diabolically infested...
...And now comes the worst news of all: Senator Larry Pressler has dropped out of the race...
...December 21 was Joseph Stalin's 100th birthday and, as luck would have it, Jane Fonda's 42nd...
...Halloween is a particularly sacred night for the Wicas, and at times their fervor can reach an intensity difficult for non-believers to understand...
...9 In Tesanj, Yugoslavia, Mr...
...This he told a spellbound Newsweek interviewer whose editor was unpatriotic enough to print it...
...Bill XXI, the Naval Academy's Angora goat, died after a brief illness, and in Aarhus, Denmark, death claimed Mr...
...9 A row has broken out in the United Methodist Church over whether "explicit sex movies" produced and filmed by some of the church's younger ministers are "Biblically based...
...A Chicago man trapped himself in a chimney during a Christmas Eve ceremony...
...Frank Reynolds that his "opinion of the Russians has changed most drastically in the last week than even the previous two and a half years before that...
...Presumably a poultry plant is some kind of bush or tree, indigenous to North Carolina and capable of bearing live chickens, but why it would be malum prohibitum to keep morons in one remains a mystery...
Vol. 13 • February 1980 • No. 2
