Railroading the Democrats
Nollson, John
"Railroading the Democrats" John NoUson RAILROADING THE DEMOCRATS Car...
...I realized, however, that he is not allowed to drive the thing at more than 11 miles per hour...
...It was last seen sailing over the backboard of our neighborhood court, moving at phenomenal speed...
...James Garner, former star of Maverick, apparently has a new lady friend...
...Whenever I meet him in the supermarket, he says: "No two ways about it, we need the railroad industry in America...
...On the third night of the convention, many delegates were observed doing this, handing out self-developing photos to giggles of delight...
...Having listened to this for God knows how many years, imagine my shock at seeing him driving his locomotive around during the convention...
...As it rose above the nearby buildings, I attempted to figure out where it might come down...
...No m a t t e r the direction, the device would invariably pick up the same mundane and d e p r e s s i n g hum...
...THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR OCTOBER 1980 21...
...Malden, however, was mistaken for a Carter operative and was immediately set upon by a gang of sore losers...
...Nonetheless, the couple has a s u r e - f i r e way of r e s t o r i n g pep to a boring social g a t h e r i n g . When things lag, they go to t h e i r closet, get out t h e i r Polaroid One Step, and begin to snap pictures...
...Every time I saw the physicists receive their prizes in Stockholm I was made to feel small and dumb for not figuring it out myself...
...The delegates refused to take these warnings to heart...
...No two ways about it," John kept saying, "we need the railroad industry in America...
...Still, I was surprised that GM would entrust one of its machines to him...
...Why does General Motors spend all that time and effort making a locomotive that won't go any faster than that...
...Fortunately, a company called TRW, operating on the leading edge of high technology, has linked by computer more than a dozen telescopes around the world...
...But thank God for Willie Rawles...
...Maybe they all decided to stay home, watch the convention, drink beer, and let Willie Rawles do their work for them...
...But no luck...
...Whether it's Garner's wife, or his significant other, or just an old pal, CBS refuses to say...
...For four consecutive evenings, and several times each evening, CBS assured me that a company called TRW could find even a basketball in space, as far as 22,000 miles away...
...But the company had to admit that, even though it could find the basketball, it had no way of getting it back...
...QQo0Q8~46i68QQQQQ00009oQQ0BQQ0QQooOjQiQQooQ~8~o0Qo60~44QO0040QQ9000QQQOOqQ~OOOtgOQO0Q0Oo00Q00wOQo QOQqQQq00Q9q0~OOO0000Q0o9~qQ90QQo~IOQ6O0Q0Q000OQoQI John NoUson RAILROADING THE DEMOCRATS C a r e f u l viewing of the Democratic National Convention, as broadcast by CBS, helped clear up many questions in the mind of this one particular citizen...
...Rawles can do a bit of everything, but he likes soldering best...
...Absenteeism must be a serious problem at GM for, on a dozen different occasions, there was Mr...
...Once again, I was made to feel small and dumb for not making such an apparatus myself...
...Fortunately, no one was hurt...
...This depressed me, because ! had to go to Sears to buy another...
...CBS reminded me of this for four consecutive e v e n i n g s - - i n d e e d , several times each evening...
...I managed to find my own One Step, under the hat where I had left it, and I snapped many photos of the television screen...
...For so deducing, Penzias and Wilson won a Nobel Prize in physics...
...According to CBS, they were able to deduce that the noise came from heat left over by the Big Bang of billions of years ago...
...The next day, just prior to the President's acceptance speech, they were able to tell me that the basketball was in synchronous orbit, somewhere above Guatemala...
...This allows the Air Force to keep track of man-made objects in space...
...For months now, my young son has been after me to find his missing basketball...
...Why was this...
...Keen viewers probably noticed the commotion in the Iowa delegation when one delegate began shrieking hysterically that her traveler's checks were missing...
...In response to constant nagging, I called TRW on the third day of the convention...
...But my own party seemed no more the lively for the use of the film...
...Well, Arno A. Penzias and Robert W. Wilson, employees of the American Telephone and Telegraph Company, were troubled by the very same thing...
...He was fortunate to escape with his life...
...He's a utility man at General Motors and, according to the oft-broadcast message, his job is to fill in for absentees on the GM assembly line...
...Malden appeared to reassure the distraught delegate-who had come all the way from Des Moines--that American Express had an office on the convention floor where lost traveler's checks could be replaced on the spot...
...Even after my fifteenth look at John's ride on the engine, I couldn't figure it out...
...Why the a t t e n d a n c e record of GM's solderers has become so poor, no one will say...
...For years, I had wondered about the source of the mysterious noises I was hearing whenever I pointed my sensitive radio telescope toward the heavens...
...John Schranz is a neighbor of mine who works for General Motors...
...F o r y e a r s , Karl Malden has been warning us that our traveler's checks were going to be lifted somewhere between Paris and Lyons, or maybe in a crowded market in Hong Kong...
...Rawles in the factory, and always soldering...
...Consider, for example, the cosmic noise...
...AT&T, in addition to its outrageous bills, really knows bow to hurt a guy...
...Few people know that Schranz was behind the wheel ofa GM diesel which collided with a school bus at a nearby railroad crossing not so long ago...
...We have looked high and low for the thing...
Vol. 13 • October 1980 • No. 10
