The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS - August, and the National Buffalo Associ-ation Organic Frisbee Competition holds an-other cow chip heave, worm races are held in Wichita, Kansas and Huron, South Dakota;...
...Maurice H. Klebolt, president of the city's Citizens Advisory Panel on Transportation, bespake the wisdom of the age when he urged the city Mothers and Fathers to change the name of Fisherman's Wharf to "Fisherperson's Wharf...
...Alaska's Senator Mike Gravel lost his heroic bid for renomination, thus denying the Senate the presence of one of the few men capable of mak- ing his colleagues seem senatorial...
...And an ill-informed wrecking crew razed one of Chicago's most historic homes, Rinker House...
...On the evening of August 11 Jimmy Carter prevailed in his showdown with Kennedy, and his rennmination was assured...
...Thousands of New York carabinieri glared down at them as their feminists, their pederasts, their Fat People for Zen, and a host of other goofballs braw:ly held forth in a display of democratic zeal not seen since the sacking of Versailles...
...When the thing was not nagging, shouting, weeping, or whining, it was solemnly enunciating such fragrant tosh as: "Conserva-tion is the cheapest form of energy production...
...In Beverly Hills an armed thief got away with $900 and may have caused lasting psycho-logical damage when he broke in one Dr...
...Personality contest...
...In Herndon, Virginia, a ten-mile race claimed the lives of two joggers thereby setting a record for the gruesome sport...
...The American Humane Association has awarded one of its coveted William O. Stillman Awards to Mr...
...Imagine the salutary and peaceful influence Bill would have had there...
...Robert Mangram, who drowned while trying to save a German shepherd, and on a less celebrative note 1500 mice perished in a University of Southern California lab when some dolt allowed the temperature in their cages to reach 100 degrees...
...On August 15 the Labor Department reported that the Producer Price Index rose 1.7 percent in July, the largest increase in nearly six years...
...How unfortunate that Mr...
...And chaos has come to the fishing fleet off Cape Cod...
...Other noises were more violent...
...On August 25 theHon...
...Judith A. Johnson of the National Coalition for Jail Reform divulged the shocking news that as many as one million red-blooded Americans are yearly slapped into the cala- boose...
...The platform amounted to a cacophony of complaints, threats, denunciations, lavish promises, extortionate demands, arrant lies, and claptrap...
...On other fronts, two men in Bujumbura, Burundi, were hanged for cannibalism...
...In Rome, a neo-fascist was arrested for surreptitiously filling a neighbor's birdbath with acid and rendering several prize doves beakless...
...As a longtime studentoftheFrench Revolution, I eagerly attend these debauches--though always after taking proper security measures...
...The Party was more vehement and melodramatic than ever...
...This year two beefy members of the League of Women Voters, one on either side, provided an extra measure of security, and never was it more urgently needed...
...And in Las Vegas Mr...
...And a special session of the United Nations General Assembly convened in New York to hammer out ever more ways for the poor nations of the south to shake down the prosperous nations of the north...
...Anderson exemplifies in his own epic life...
...Bill Hall for his ingenious proposal to develop a dog.powered washing machine, uti-lizing a wheel and pulley system, two 55-gallon drums, and modified toilet plungers...
...There were threats that the Democratic National Committee would "withhold financial support and technical campaign assistance from the candidates who do not support the ERA...
...In Pekin, Illinois, Pekin High School athletic teams will now be called the "Dragons," rather than the "Chinks...
...Bill Flesher, contest-ants were judged on the basis of "conversa-tional ability," "aura of high moral sense," and "taste in clothing...
...In cultural news Norman Lear has donated $500,000 to the Edith Bunker Memorial Fund...
...Some of the noises were pure idiocy, a dozen alley cats howling through the lunatic night...
...Also from Alaska comes word that that state's Council on Scien,:e and Technology has given a $400 grant to Mr...
...But no, the Wonderboy and his associates were out of sight, laying their traps for Teddy, and preparing for the Democratic Convention in New York City...
...Marino did not bring his talents to the striking shipbuilders of Gdafisk, Poland...
...John B. Anderson named the Hon...
...Lady Bird Johnson revealed to McCall's magazine that her husband Lyndon never really wanted to be president, because he was "appalled" by the toll that high office had taken of his predecessors in Racine, Wiscon-sin, Mrs...
...According to the pageant's organizer, Mr...
...The resultant platform was noisy even by Democratic standards...
...It was a big job...
...There lecherous whales--whether driven by some weird psycho- sexual disorder or a sincere desire for friend- ship, we know not--are running down the voluptuously hulled fishing boats and attempt-ing conjugal embrace, right in the presence of embarrassed crew members, many of whom are very conservative and macho...
...Bill Marino won this year's Mr...
...Nude Inter-national-U.S.A, pageant...
...RET THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR OCTOBER 1980 2...
...In Detroit, Michigan, the American Civil Liberties Union is providing legal aid to an unmarried woman who has been denied access to Wayne State University's artificial insemina- tion facilities...
...Treasury fork over $12 billion to fund ever more legions of loafers...
...THE CONTINUING CRISIS S August, and the National Buffalo Associ-ation Organic Frisbee Competition holds an-other cow chip heave, worm races are held in Wichita, Kansas and Huron, South Dakota...
...Patrick Lucey, the former governor of Wisconsin, as his runningmate, and six days later offered a four-year plan for national recovery requiring "a patriotism greater than party," a patriotism that Mr...
...There were demands that the U.S...
...the judge stepped on the champ worm...
...Jimmy attended to their every problem...
...In San Francisco, California, Mr...
...Some of the yokels are prone to dizzy spells on big city elevators...
...If no banks were burned it is only because more than 450 of the assembled were members of the National Education Association, most of whom are illiterate...
...Bill won the award based on a tremendous score attained in the Mr...
...Conservationists in Peking have been surprisingly slow to respond to a government edict ordering a million Peking residents to turn out with brooms, spray guns, fly swatters, and even spades to participate in the public slaughtering of that city's helpless flies and mosquitoes...
...On the next day the stock market duly plummeted 11.69 points...
...and if its clamorous throngs realized that the injustices agitating them had mostly been perpetrated under a Democratic administration with a Democratic Congress they surely betrayed no evidence of it as they spluttered on about eastern bankers, the Fortune 500, theCIA, heterosexuals in high places, and worse...
...Milton Wexler's group therapy session, demanded money, and refused treatment...
...yet no one from the Carter Administration is present.True, at the Huron races it would seem that a White House yokel had to be in attendance...
...There were shouts that if taxpayers desisted from paying off the various Democratic interest groups now affixed to federal teats these groups would forever sunder their allegiance to the Republic...
...Tell me the ignoramuses of the National Educa- tion Association did not have their hooves in that idiot yawp...
...Some get nosebleeds and carry airsickness bags...
...On August 28, full of gimcrack moralizing, the scamp in the White House offered his third economic plan in eight months, a world record for this event...
...The proceedings were held in Madison Square Garden, and your obedient servant was there to see whether the Democrats could maintain their usual shrill pitch...
...Others rebel at wearing shoes all day and sleeping in beds...
...Showered by spitballs and exclamations of moral outrage from out great President, the Reagan campaign slogged on, attempting to discuss the economy and defense...
...Here is a Carter issue...
Vol. 13 • October 1980 • No. 10
