The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS - February through early March, and the most amazing man ever to become President of the United States of America has made good on his promise to simplify our lives....
...and UN Ambassador Andrew Young greeted Prime Minister Ian Smith's acceptance of full democratic participation for black Rhodesians with the shriek of a loon...
...They are a minority whose life-style has for too long been ignored...
...Think of the clang and bang of modernity giving way to the gentle sough of hundreds of thousands of spinning wheels as we all join with our President in making Mid-America like unto Mahatma Gandhi's India...
...Wherever one goes it is chilly, but it is more wholesome...
...The catastrophe has driven some of Mrs...
...Michael Baskett, "empress" of Anchorage's homosexual community, was deposed on February 2 when he was convicted of slashing the automobile tires of Mr...
...I think one of the girls got insulted...
...Leonid I. Brezhnev was finally awarded the Order of Victory for his prodigious contributions during World War II, and the Moscow paper Banner of Lenin reports that "drunken and disorderly" milkmaids at the Sudnikovsky State Farm have shockingly reduced milk production and damaged four cows beyond repair...
...Thousands of sports fans turned out in Islamablad, Pakistan, for the public flogging of Mr...
...Quietly quaffing his interesting drink in an inconspicuous stall, our President's factotum would jollify the saloon's ambience with a genial belch but nothing more...
...The genius from Plains has freed us from years of slavish reliance on electricity...
...And in New York City Mrs...
...Late in February, Minsky's Burlesque Revue arrived in Washington bringing with it Miss Kellie Everts, "Stripper for Christ...
...Daniel V. Marshall III...
...Apparently Mr...
...Think of the village crafts that will replace those vast and unhealthy industrial complexes...
...It is liberating to the spirit...
...A Cuban Peace Corps settled into Ethiopia...
...Connor is a retired telephone operator...
...The street is the only place for our movement...
...A frightful scuffle broke out in a West German beer hall when a patron was charged extra for eating his beer stein...
...Abzug's supporters to take up lives of sin...
...Miss Dolores Ibarruri, the 83-year-old President of the Spanish Communist Party, has ruined another pacemaker, bringing the total of mangled pacemakers to nearly a dozen in the past decade...
...Despite the fact that the Rev...
...In the Soviet Union a scandalous oversight was corrected when Mr...
...J .T...
...Fitzpatrick to fifteen years in the calaboose...
...Curvie Fitzpatrick apologized for having entered Judge Frank Barbaro's courtroom buck naked to make his plea on an armed robbery charge...
...Naturally Jordan shrank back in disgust, and "did something to the point where enough's enough...
...Rogers has received "four visions from Indonesia," and corroborating visions from his friend the Rev...
...Mohammed Sabir, Pakistan's leading child molester...
...2." On March 6, Mr...
...And from Madrid, Spain, comes incredible news...
...Armon Pepe, a previous empress...
...In Albany, Georgia, Mr...
...Trevor Edwards of NewcastleUnder-Lyme, England, was fined $97.50 for "using threatening behavior," to wit: He barked at a police dog...
...the Commerce Department announced that its index of leading indicators for January dove 1.9 percent, the steepest drop in three years...
...and the Labor Department reported that the January price rise was the sharpest in nine months...
...A feminist in Bergen, Norway, refused a blood transfusion when it was divulged that the blood was from a male donor...
...Nonetheless the humorless judge consigned Mr...
...Larry Flynt was shot...
...In Chicago on February 24, Mr...
...This is progress...
...So what if the miners vacation, rousing themselves only to sabotage an occasional freight train or ambush a trucker...
...The Anchorage Times reports that Mr...
...Aside from the harassment of Mr...
...Suddenly a bevy of beauties fell upon him...
...In Quincy, Massachusetts, Mrs...
...In one of the most significant cases to be adjudicated in New Mexico since that state began receiving airmail subscriptions to the New York Times, the New Mexico Supreme Court held that an adult woman's sexual contacts with a minor did not constitute sex education as a progressive appellate court had earlier held, but rather that the woman was merely contributing to delinquency...
...It was a sad moment for the foul-mouthed ex-congresswoman, who now has lost three elections in 18 months and is rapidly becoming a prosopopoeia of the Rt...
...In Harrison, Arkansas, evangelist Daniel Aaron Rogers has made little progress in his attempt to gain custody of his dead mother's body, which he intends to resurrect...
...You know what I mean...
...Just one month prior to the February 14 election the New York Post had found her to be the most popular woman in New York...
...If the Carter administration ever lets Miss Everts abscond from our capital without offering her a post on the White House staff, a great chance will have been missed...
...Interviewed by the Washington Star, Miss Kellie spoke of her conversion, of her aspiration to build "a children's prayer chapel in Brooklyn," and of the spiritual dimension of her life: "when I'm stripping, I see a blue light around the heads of the men in the audience...
...Wrestling No...
...Jimmy and the United Mine Workers of America have combined skills to shut it off...
...When the Washington Post reported that Hamilton Jordan had attempted to charm a young lady in luxurious Sarsfield's saloon by spitting Amaretto and cream down her bosom, the White House acted with stunning candor, issuing a 33-page white paper, one of the most significant documents yet produced by the Carter administration...
...It is an environmentalist's dream come true: America did not need electricity...
...We shall just have to learn to accommodate them, and if that means drastically diminished supplies of electricity, so much the better for our health and our spirits...
...Regina Connor, 71, has ended her twelve-day standoff with police by quietly handing over her shotgun and accompanying the authorities to the Quincy City Hospital...
...Miss Gloria Steinem declared "We no longer can depend on the electoral system...
...Ohio—once foul to the eye and inimical to the nose—has become one vast Currier and Ives scene...
...Fashioned by White House lawyers, this 8,000-word, tightly-reasoned text put the kabosh to the fabled Post by quoting Sarsfield's eloquent mixologist, Mr...
...on March 2, the dollar traded at its lowest level ever against the West German mark...
...Our President's mother attended a professional wrestling match in Columbus, Georgia, and after the contests visited the locker room of her favorite performer, "Mr...
...Williams, the state will not give up the body, fearing that it might spread bacteria...
...Jordan (pronounced Jurden as in burden) was unwinding after a day of statecraft...
...Eugene Peterson, 32, escaped while serving a six-day jail sentence for drunkenness and now faces a possible five-year sentence...
...When not performing, the pious and buxom ecdysiast maintains an "active interior life," full of "prayer and medication [sic]" plus conversations with the Lord, the late Marilyn Monroe, and Elvis Presley's mother...
...The blue light means that God is present...
...And with the streetlights out our muggers and hit-and-run drivers can go about their business more cheerfully...
...Throughout the Midwest life is again manageable: no more dashing helter-skelter to sports events, recreational facilities, or libraries...
...The power of the mammoth utility trusts is broken forever as our industrial heartland experiences the serenity of America before the rise of Edison...
...It was only six months ago that the violent old shrew, known as "La Pasionaria" to her fellow comrades, blew up an earlier device, and Spanish doctors are now studying the possibility that, contrary to the usual reaction of a body rejecting a foreign implant, the foreign implant is rejecting Miss Ibarruri...
...Bella Abzug was mysteriously beaten in her run for New York's 18th district congressional seat...
...Marshall testifies that "Girls were coming up to Hamilton and woo-woo...
...Harold Stassen among her fellow left-wing diatribists...
...Nor is our President neglecting his other duties...
...THE CONTINUING CRISIS • February through early March, and the most amazing man ever to become President of the United States of America has made good on his promise to simplify our lives...
...I write from a land where the lights are going out, schools are shutting down, and the air is being made clear thanks to industrial layoffs...
...Kitty Carlisle Hart made the February 22 meeting of the State Council on the Arts a historic event when she argued that the council was justified in giving a $5,000 grant for the production of a photo book of undraped lesbians and prostitutes...
...In her youth even Stalin found her company alarming...
...and I write with a manual typewriter...
...The stock market hit its lowest level in some 40 months...
...Jordan, February and the first two weeks of March composed a comparatively successful period for our President...
...Yet there was absolutely no spitting: "that would have been quite a mess, and she certainly wasn't wet...
...RET 2 The American Spectator April 1978...
...Had the council denied the grant it would have ventured into censorship, and "We can't exercise any censorship role over the arts," she admonished...
Vol. 11 • April 1978 • No. 6
