EAR Goes to Peking
Nollson, John
Kennelly came around before he was mayor. And one of the regular customers was Steve Kolinowski, the chief deputy coroner. He would thrill customers with accounts of the latest body to be...
...It's a must see, darlings, it's so divinely proletarian...
...My father grabbed for a gun in the drawer and Jackson shot him four times...
...It happened the the place in 1937, He died right behind night a young man named Jessie James Jackson came in...
...Laurent'.s new peasant look has...
...But now it is dark outside and the first good cash customer hasn't come in the door...
...We got our beer from the Touhy gang...
...EAR lEARns that China Broadcasting has also purchased exclusive Middle Kingdom rights to ABC's smash television series "Roots...
...Yves, s~ c,_ thEARt, you've done it again...
...Then they both fell over dead...
...oSet~ o I~ach~t ~ SoP ~ I"UDIlC , r a . , ' - _9 \ platonic idea;here tout g::e~ \ of di s of opinion...
...It seems that shortly before he died, the Chairman flip-flopped on the subject of hard rock...
...Speaking to the Peking University Club, Idi revealed an unsuspected grasp of world lit...
...But that turned out for the hest...
...The agent got t~3~talking to my[ father, and when my father told him about putting his kids through school, and some sickness in tile family, the agent said he didn't believe in closing up family joints...
...EAR thinks the Third World is absolutely divine...
...And, loverlies, that is thirty from the Forbidden City...
...EAR thinks this is the best news it has hEARd recently...
...I went, too, but I liked this business...
...It's not generally known, but the President's mother, Mizz Lillian, hushhushed it into Peking on the way back from the funeral of the President of India...
...Wouldn't you know it, but EAR had lunch just yesterday with the Chinese Alex Haley, Kung Fu-tse, who has traced his ancestry back eighty generations and has learned that he is a direct descendant of Confucius...
...Take that, Benny Goodman...
...Big doings here on the medical front, darlings...
...That used to be a teal estate agency...
...He worked in a grocery store, but he pulled one robbery a week...
...Meanwhile, the whole town has been stood on its ear by the publication of a new quotation from the late, great Chairman Mao...
...Mao will join the sublime Jackie O. on the editorial staff of Viking Press...
...In those days, he was in charge of the district station...
...EAR thinks Ed Gierek would be super if he's available...
...How's that for cheek...
...Stanley took over when his father died...
...It was Exxon's welcoming party for Tony the Tiger...
...Suzie Wong (or is it France Nuyen, EAR is forever forgetting which is the actress and which is the character...
...ZZ Top and Led Zeppelin have already signed on, EAR hEARs that the Beatles may appEAR together for the great event...
...EAR can hardly wait...
...e the rage here in Peking...
...Why has Pete Rozelle been closeted with the higher-ups of the Ministry of Sport for the past four days...
...The way EAR hEARs it, the higher-ups are looking for a scapegoat...
...Capt...
...EAR was surprised to hEAR that the Chinese think they have Commocommunism...
...EAR thinks you should send back that mini-nuke right away ? Why is TV genius Norman LEAR poking around the Great Wall...
...Mizz Lillian, bless her hEARt, sho nuff do play hardball, yes ma'am...
...Yes, dEARies, you can't keep a good man down...
...But he has no complaints, now that it's all over...
...26 The Alternative: An American Spectator April 1977 Well, the latest delegation from Columbia Teachers College has just returned from a tour of the countryside, oohing and ahing over the upbeat mood in the rural labor camps...
...Hard rock is not so bad," reads the latest quotation...
...That means that the first anniversary of the Chairman's passing will be commemorated by a massive rock concert in People's Stadium...
...Stanley looked out the window, at the store o'n the other corner~ I t s e l l s junk...
...Two of my brothers are doctors and another one is a lawyer...
...Stanley has run it since, and until a few years ago, it did its share of business...
...Well, the Friendship Hotel was the sight of one of the poshest gatherings this old town has seen since Kublai Khan decreed his stately pleasure dome back in the thirteenth century...
...No wonder he was the world's richest cop...
...His driver always wore two pearlhandled pistol s strapped to his hips...
...He ordered a bag of peanuts and when my father turned, he said it was a holdup...
...The social evil of Prohibition closed a lot of bars, but not Swastek's...
...Well, EAR sure did get an EARful on the ideological f r o n t ! Seems that your reporter, just making small talk on the diplomatic circuit, asked whether Sinocommunism was more like Eurocommunism or more like Afrocommunism...
...and Bill Holden are definitely in town...
...Now my son is a teacher and my-daughter is a nurse...
...Federal Prohibition agents closed the place once...
...EAR can ~it least scotch the rumor that Mrs...
...For years he ran the state's attorney's police...
...Ah, Confucius say...
...It will be seen all over China, part of a whole new effort to identify with the Third World...
...It kicks off with that great classic "Love is a Many Splendored Thing...
...He recited from memory Robert Browning's dramatic monologue "The Bishop Orders his Tomb,, and then brought the house down by reading a particularly moving chapter from the Willa Cather classic Death Comes for the Archbishop...
...Talk about the work ethic...
...EAR would love to see a PEARl Buck Week, but the powers-that-be here are really down on PEARl...
...My father managed to put us all in college...
...Everywhere you look, people are wEARing Mao jackets...
...It's on again, o f f again, as far as the much-traveled Teng Hsiao-p'ing is concerned...
...EAR would give its eye teeth for an exclusive interview with the widow Mao, but she's dropped out of sight...
...My father made the proper arrangements with the politicians and we kept operating...
...Our biggest problem during Prohibition was Tubbo the cop, remember him...
...Daniel (Tubbo) Gilbert, a political badge who became known as the world's richest cop...
...the mahogany bar...
...So he not only let us reopen, but he sold my father a load of bonded whiskey...
...EAR can hardly believe its eyes...
...Tubbo liked to lean on the mahogany bar...
...So I can't complain...
...Atta boy, Idi...
...Now, here's a hot item...
...Until he knows whether he gets back his old job in the new Administration, he's been working with a small jazz combo, playing all the right weddings...
...10011 Please open the following subscription to The Public Interest and bill me...
...He was a family man himself...
...This old bar has been good to us...
...Tony brought us up to date on the gas shortage back home...
...Copyright 1973 Mike Royko) ~o*~~176176176176176176176 John Nollson EAR Goes to Peking Chairman Hua's Labor Camp #5 7 is a must see, dahlinks, it's so divinely proletarian/ Yes, dEARies, isn't it super that EAR is on the ground in Peking...
...Next to the junk shop was still another junk shop...
...Don't breathe a word to a soul, 'sweethEARts, but EAR has it on the best of authority that Australian press lord Rupert Murdoch has acquired a controlling interest in People's Daily...
...The irrepressible Idi Amin put the lie to rumors that he's an unlettered boor...
...So on down the street...
...That used to be a drugstore and it had running fountain and goldfish swam in it...
...Coming right after his lightning acquisition of Izvestia, this new coup makes Murdoch the most powerful media figure in the East...
...EAR hEARs that China Broadcasting has signed him on to do a series on Chairman Mao's last days, with special attention to the role of Madame Mao...
...reasonably propounded...
...They!re billing him as "Teng Hsaio-p'ing, the King of Swing...
...Why should I? Listen, this place was good to us...
...It seems that during his trip to the Middle Kingdom last fall, Jim Schlesinger filched one of China's mininukes---which he now uses for a paperweight...
...LEAR can't find anyone who's willing to play Mao's son-in-law, the meathead Polack...
...This subscription will begin with the next issue...
...From the Editors' prospectus for The Public Interest If you would like to receive copies of The Public Interest regularly, please fill out this form and mail it to The Public Interest...
...At Peking's famous movie house--the Chinese Theater, where else, dahlinks, where all the great heroes of the Revolution have had their heads put in cement--they're hard at work on their great revival series...
...What's more, that's the first time EAR has ever been called a pale-faced running-dog imperialist...
...Good stuff, too...
...What's behind the big shakeup at the Minhstry of Defense...
...But there wasn't a glass in his hand...
...EAR can't...
...EAR thinks that Pete has gotten carried away with the prospects for the NFL here in China, but only time will tell...
...EAR was just bowled over by its visit to Chairman Mao's Reform Through Labor Camp #57...
...EAR thinks it's hEARd that one before...
...And he ran the state's attorney, too...
...Natch, it's going to be called "All in the Family...
...Too bad that Stash Radziwill isn't with us anymore...
...EAR's ear ached from the noise of gongs and firecrackers...
...Speaking of movies, who did EAR bump into the other day but Prince Norodom Sihanouk himself--who's back into directing films...
...It's all hush-hush, but EAR suspects that Peking is about to become the 310th city to be awarded an NFL franchise...
...The striped one blew into town as part of Exxon's new advertising campaign, "Oil for the Lamps of China...
...Can you believe it...
...Shame on you Jim...
...Solid mahogany, and they don't make them like ,they used to...
...you've sta, tcd a whole new craze...
...EAR will keep out of politics for a while...
...Then he headed for the door and my father shot him four times...
...EAR thinks of you often, Stash...
...It's quieter now after the enormous blowout that welcomed the yEAR of the serpent...
...He could have retired on what he took from us...
...He talked about the softball teams his tavern sponsored, the great feasts in the back room when the neighborhood men came back from hunting duck, deer, and picking mushrooms, the kids coming in for a pail of beer for their fathers, the many breweries that used to make beer in Chicago, the three-piece bands--accordion, piano, and drums--that played on Saturday nights...
...Teng Hsiao-p'ing, do your thing...
...He'd come in here and if we took in $10, he figured his share was $20...
...He would thrill customers with accounts of the latest body to be foundin a trunk...
...The Public Interest Box 542 Old Chelsea Post Office New York, N.Y...
...I guess you EARwigs back in the States are really freezing your lobes off...
...One year $9.50 [] Two years $18.00 Please print Name Address City State Zip Code The Alternative: An American Spectator April 1977 27...
...The hot word is that he will direct Hua Kuo-feng, the male lead in the Dino DiLaurentis blockbuster remake, "Son of Fu Manchu...
...Well, sweethEARts, still no word on the still-missing body of former defense minister Lin Piao, and Judge Dee and Charlie Chan have been on the case for almost eight years...
...EAR hEARs that the First Mother is into acupuncture, and will bring back a complete set of gold acupuncture needles to stick into Rosalynn...
...they'll never believe it back in Paris, but "," i.,t...
...Rozelle was here on People's Liberation Army Day and, according to a reliable informant, blew his mind when he hEARd the sound of a million Chinese chanting in unison, "deelense, dee-lense...
Vol. 10 • April 1977 • No. 7
