The Continuing Crisis
THE C O N T I N U I N G CRISIS _9 January 15 to February 12, epic days for the Republic, glorious days for the Democracy. These were the days during which a new government took office in...
...Consumer AffaiJ Commissioner Miss Elinor Guggenheimer vi, lently denied that her department was guilty fraud, claiming that the show had bee "embellished" purely in the interest of makin it more "interesting" and "educational"-perfectly plausible explanation to anyon familiar with marketi.ng requirements and th Madison Avenue ~science...
...9 Not only did Americans get a new government in their capital, but they got a new hysteria in their headlines...
...the politicoes gained nothing from it, much the contrary...
...While on the issue people devoted to moral uplift, an English ant hunting group.has taken credit for the idealist desecration of the grave of Britain's too, renowned hunter, the legendary Mr...
...RE...
...White who when confronted by occupied restrooms on : flight from Newark to Miami, panickedyelling, "I gotta go...
...According to a sadly unsympathetic report in the United Methodist Reporter, the Rev...
...Dixot was only making an ethnic slur...
...The ecumenical spirit is rampant in New York City, where a massage parlor named the Fellowship for Human Happiness has been duly certified as a church under the state Religion Law...
...Finally the latest casuistic judgment from the Rt...
...Thanks to the photography division of the Associated Press I have actually seen the simpering radiance of the Rev...
...Anthon Eden, Mr...
...In January the incomparable Bishop ordained Miss Ellen Barrett as Episcopaldom's first avowed homosexual priest and asseverated that "Homosexuality...is not a question of morality...
...His inaugural address, intoned in his now familiar andante con ping-pong cadence, was a refreshingly straightforward and feebleminded oration, which implicitly answered his famous rhetorical question: "Why Not The Best...
...Bovar...
...Dwight Chapin, the convicted Watergate conspirator, has been named president and publisher of Success Unlimited magazine...
...President Carter stood solemnly on a snowy street in Pittsburgh...
...Th, FBI has arrested poor /vlr...
...Paul Moore, Episcopal Bishop of New York, is being defied by a grand jury in Winchester, Tennessee...
...Devotional materials distributed by young laypersons along 55th Street include a pamphlet entitled "Fulfill Yourself and Your Dream Fantasies...
...John Pee An anonymous telephone caller told Londo reporters the group exhumed the bones of th 19th-century hunter, dumped them in a sewag pit, overturned his gravestone, and covered with a dead fox's mask, in a long-deserve protest against British foxhunting...
...On January 17 Mr...
...9 On January 20th Mr...
...Simpson toot unusual satisfaction in his foul mouth ant generally vile disposition...
...9 Death claimed the lives of Mr...
...Ralpt Nader a "dirty Arab...
...Apparently Mr...
...Such quibbles aside, the pols put on a gaudy show, often turning out to pose Churchill-like midst scenes of snowy devastation, issuing thunderous decrees and promising to bring the full power of the state to bear against the villainous climate...
...9 Expect the National Rifle Association t make quite an issue of that February 4 holdu I committed in Newton, Connecticut...
...Robert H Simpson, 96, the perennial picket of the Califor nia capitol, passed on...
...Mark Gilmore escaped the clutches of the ACLU, and Sacramento's Mr...
...How the swine flu ever became a national issue was always a mystery...
...Few people coulc stand to be around the old goat, and it wa~, reported that when government secretarie., gave him a puppy as a birthday gift some year, ago, the Anti-Cruelty Society protested...
...Claudius I. (Bud) Vermilye, on not one but sixteen morals charges for supposedly photographing homosexual "orgies" at his "Boys Farm," a home for wayward boys...
...Citizens were ordered off the streets, and the county pols led great armies of snowplows against the enemies of the people...
...Some minds beheld visions of Bolsheviks devilishly manipulating the skies...
...Furthermore...
...Jimmy Carter was inaugurated the 39th President...
...In America the transfer of power comes in the Democratic Way, that is to say peacefully and lawfully, via hyperbole, sham, melodrama, and publicspirited mendacity...
...Lich died of natural causes...
...The swine flu slipped from sight to be replaced by the Terrible Winter of 1976-77...
...Licht was the eighty-three year-old founder and driving force behim Feather Sales Agency, Inc., the illustriou cleaner of Long Island duck feathers...
...The Terrible Winter of 1976-77 was more congenial to the pols, forcing them to compete only with the longdiscredited weatherman and giving them the opportunity to pose as heroes to their people, even though there would be no need of heroes had government demurred years ago from flummoxing the economics of natural gas...
...Louis Hillendahl, 56, of Waukegan, Illinois held nude therapy sessions for the cognoscenti of his church...
...In Congress there was talk of high crimes being committed by Exxon, and in White County, Indiana martial law was declared...
...Services are held for $45 per visit, and "the principal place of worship" is apartment 5F-SG at 155 E. 55th St...
...The United Methodists have been thrown into a dark theological pother over confirmed reports that the Rev...
...2 The Alternative: An American Spectator March 1977...
...Oric Bovar, the 59-year-old Ne, York ectoPlasm who parlayed a mail-orde astrology business into a sect of some 20 followers, many of them well-known show bus ness personalities...
...Now come reports that, despite Bishop Moore's pronunciamento, a Tennessee grand jury is going ahead and indicting an alleged homosexual and Peeping Tom, the Rev...
...The current edition of Who's Who still lists Mr...
...Toots Shor, Miss Anais Nin (sic) and Mr...
...Arrested over 300 time.' for violating that state's anti-picketing laws ant for carrying smutty placards, Mr...
...Emanuel H. Licht, the "feather king' of Long Island...
...Mr Simpson was a retired Methodist pastor...
...The Amer can government continues its harassments c cult leader Mr...
...In it Mr Francis M. Severance allegedly made off wit] Si0 after threatening his victim with a 20-inch gasoline-fed, running chain saw--a weapo, easily obtained by Americans of all ages...
...The Governor of the great state of Ohio skirted the Constitution and exhorted prayer...
...I gotta go," am threatening to hijack the plane...
...For a time their influence actually drained off toward the heinous American Medical Association, and with every shout from the Surgeon General's office one could see the Republic edging ever closer to the chilling specter of Medico-ocracy...
...all is dependent on Bishop Moore's putting in an appearance...
...9 In church news, the Rev...
...Gar...
...The resulting trial could prove to be the century's second Tennessee Monkey Trial...
...By the time this installment of "The Continuing Crisis" was filed the Wonderboy had offended both the left and the right with his economic proposals, both the left and the right with his presidential pardon, both the Speaker of the House and the Senate Majority Leader with his remoteness, and enough Senators to torpedo his artless nomination of a conscientious objector as CIA chief...
...Consumer Alert," the radio program of New York City's Department of Consumer Affairs that warns consumers of fraud, was cancelled by WCBS when the New York Times reported that the program had "fictionalized and embellished" stories of swindles perpetrated by that city's capitalist roaders...
...In January a bewildered M, Bovar was arraigned on charges of failing t report a corpse, charges stemming from hi fruitless two-month vigil over the body of fallen follower who apparently left a consider able estate that did not include Mr...
...9 Mr...
...HiUendahl's sessions included "breastfeeding of unrelated men, women, and children"--activities that would seem to put them in the more liberal wing of the United Methodist Church...
...He has precisely six years of experience in Georgia state government to his credit...
...Finally a sigh o relief was heard from the corporate offices o Lever Brothers and Procter & Gamble whet Federal Trade Commissioner Paul Rand apolo gized for calling consumer advocate Mr...
...Carter's profession as "farmer and warehouseman...
...Late in January appeared the first pictures of the new President tripping in front of the White House, an astonishing beginning for what might well be four of the most hilarious years yet seen in this very funny century--assuming the rest of the world enjoys Presidential monkeyshines as much as we do...
...Why not indeed...
...Randy Whitehead has issued a ukase to the youth of West Salem, Illinois, stating that those bringing the largest number of friends to church school will be granted the opportunity to hit him in the face with a pie...
...If the oration itself did not answer the question, his record does...
...Whitehead's face, and it is my judgment that before this novel bit of Christian endeavor ends, there will not be an infidel left in West Salem nor a pie...
...These were the days during which a new government took office in Washington, not via bayonets and tanks as is the custom in some of the world's capitals, oh no...
...on February 2, he delivered a "Fireside Chat" in which his most Presidential utterance was a request that citizens restrain themselves from sending "gifts" to the White House...
Vol. 10 • March 1977 • No. 6
