The Bootblack Stand
Plunkitt, George Washington
There remains, however, a diminishing number of the hoary knights of yesteryear, living out their golden years in lonely shacks, under viaducts, and in repulsive rest homes, mostly in the West....
...The arrest and calumny of the Gang of Four is cause for alarm...
...Now what had once been an inspiring future is becoming a chilling presence...
...This paper will soon reveal a list of French politicians who have taken bribes from Lockheed, and, as luck would have it, my name is not on this list...
...Nonetheless Chairman Mac knew that a country that smiles together is a country free of capitalist roaders, and so there were always lots of smiles and no flies...
...We aimed to perpetuate what can yet be found of the lore of these freedom-loving men, and to try to raise a modest sum for an even more modest retirement camp, where the dwindling host can spend their final days jungled up with congenial souls, laughing once again at How Watermelon Red Went Wild at Reno, thrilling to the tale of Springfield Mike who saved the New Haven Express at Dutchman's Curve in '08, and reminiscing about Omaha Bill, who emerged hung over from a boxcar one free morning in 1867 to learn that he was the first 'bo to roll West over the Golden Spike...
...You will be remembered...
...Because of Blackie's determination to help the feeble survivors of the grand old days of the open road, he, Steam Train Maury out of Toledo, and yours truly established the Hobo Foundation early in 1974...
...I. am sending you, forthwith, the mailing addresses of all those--living, deceased, or jailedlwho have ever attended a Lenny Bernstein cocktail party...
...With the IRS agreeing at last that the Foundation was entitled to tax-exempt status, we are now starting a campaign to raise funds and assistance in building a modest Big Rock Candy Mountain in an otherwise unused portion of Southwestern desert, near to where the Gila Monster highballs hum stock-laden to the East...
...China, after years of Western exploitation, is not a wealthy country...
...Could you reach deep into your pocket and bring forth a donation...
...Cordially, Name Withheld Paris, France Dear M. Name Withheld: Not if you follow my unwavering maxim and always tell the voters the truth--or as much of it as is necessary...
...Reassure them of your moral character by reiterating your openness to bribery and by relating the vulgarity of Lockheed's briber...
...Unfortunately this Lockheed briber had such atrocious table manners that I thought he was a KGB agent...
...Dear Dr...
...Our expenses during this period were largely covered by the tidal wave of donations, totalling $32.50, that followed a sympathetic piece by "Wall Street Al" Otten of the IVall Street Journal in December, 1974...
...Urgently, John Stewart Service, CAS" O. Edmund Clubb, CAS" John Kenneth Galbraith, CAS" --" Concerned Asian Scholars Dear Concerned Asians Scholars: I shall gladly do better than that...
...Remember in politics the truth can sometimes be more profitable than the untruth...
...a bullet costs the Chinese government far more than Westerners would think...
...Promise never to make such a mistake again...
...THE BOOTBLACK STAND Dr...
...Plunldtt: As Concerned Asian Scholars we are distraught over reports of the incipient repression of civil liberties in the People's Republic of China and of an apparent movement away from the remarkable revolutionary principles of Chairman Mac...
...1, and the Mushfaker have anything to say about it...
...Your affecting appeal should not fail to move them...
...For two years we battled manfully with the Internal Revenue Service over the difficult question of whether creating a retirement camp for a handful of toothless, homeless, poverty-stricken old men was in fact a charitable endeavor...
...Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/o The Alternative...
...In fact under Chairman Mac China became a country of lush grass, and everyone either had a pleasant smile on his face or he was shot, even though this was clone at considerable expense...
...GWP 30 The Alternative: An American Spectator February 1977...
...As compassionate Asian scholars we are accepting our responsibility to humanity by establishing the "Ad Hoc Gang of Four Defense Fund...
...Under his benevolent leadership China reprocessed many prostitutes and shone forth as the model of compassion and progress to all humanity...
...Flies were almost unheard of...
...Is my career ruined beyond repair...
...If accompanied by a knowledgeable guide one could, in the span of a few days, make contact with such legendary figures as Chicken Red, who at 17 embarked on an unparalleled career of low-budget travel in 1898...
...We do not accept money from governmental sources, but we do encourage readers wishing to contribute to this project to contact the writer at the Hobo Foundation, Concord, Vermont 05824...
...It is only a matter of time before China slips into the condition of Spain or possibly even Chile...
...George IVashiugton Plun/u'tt, our prize-winning political analyst, has accepted a staff position with the House Ethics committee, hut he has gradously consented to continue advising American statesmen in these times of troubles...
...But of course, I have no scruples against taking bribes...
...Plunkitt: I have information that a Paris newspaper is about to publish an expos~ that could destroy my political career here in France...
...How will I ever be able to look one of my constituents in the eye again...
...Hood River Blackie, at 51 the youngest survivor of the olden times, has faithfully recorded the life stories of some 600 of his travelling friends, most of whom have now boarded that spectral Cannonball for their fmal ride to glory...
...For those who help, there will be a warm bowl of mulligan in that Great Jungle in the Sky, at least if Cigarette Kid, the Grey Ghost, A No...
...Stress your devotion to providing for the needs of your family and friends...
...the Waffles Kid, who in a trackside shack in Whitefish, Montana dreams of once again riding the blinds on Jim Hill's Empire Builder, and Cotton Henry, whose long life as a carefree vagabond was interrupted by the necessity for helping to exterminate some ten thousand Japanese in the bloody crags and caves of Peleliu...
...GWP Dear Dr...
...What a slob...
Vol. 10 • February 1977 • No. 5
